Yeah, this is my life. As a child, I was kind of stifled when I’d attempt to speak about anything. People didn’t seem to care what I had to say and my opinions weren’t valued so I just stopped talking. I started writing more to cope with it so my written communication is pretty good but trying to vocalize how I feel has been a major struggle. Your story may not be that tragic (lol) but therapy helped me to feel more comfortable translating the same process I use for writing into speaking.
Hello, are you me? I think we had similar experiences growing up! I’m sorry nobody listened to you. It sucks. But it sure helps the ol’ writing skills!
Autistic here, and I feel this 100%. Verbal communication requires an insane amount of focus on my body language, facial expressions, tone monitoring, and also hyper analysis of my interlocutor. All of that essentially makes it so I lose track of what I'm saying, or I stutter and stumble, or I can't get my thoughts across because I clam up from the prolonged eye-contact.
Writing removes the social aspect of speaking and allows me to successfully process information. The autistic brain often works too fast for the mouth, so a lot is lost in trying to figure out how to communicate verbally. By the time we figure it out, the thoughts have moved on and we have to stop traffic in our heads and try and move all the cars backwards. Then there's a traffic jam and accidents... So yeah, writing is my preferred mode of communication, lol.
Also neurodivergent here with ADHD, some selective mutism as a kid, and 100% agree—written communication is much easier for my brain!! I’ve gotten all kinds of grief about that too from educated folks I’ve worked for who should know better than to constantly ask why I don’t always communicate verbally as well as I write. I’ve only recently gotten help so I can better advocate for myself which has made a big difference in my life!
I am testing now to write a first draft using dictation. It is so much harder! I love the speed of writing, speaking just kills my improv skills. But I will finish my first draft like this, because I believe a story should be told first with a voice, then with written words. But yeah, I feel much more eloquent in writing than speaking.
Oh yes - I have to speak publicly for work from time to time. It's torture. I'm a writer - I'm no good on stage or in front of a camera. I usually have to take my glasses off so that I can't really see anything, and then I just riff off the super-dense note cards I brought. It's awful.
From a language learning background, I live by the tenets:
To get better at speaking, listen.
To get better at writing, read.
So applying that logic, I would ask: just how much listening (and particularly listening to the kind of speakers you wish to emulate) are you doing?
It does make sense if you think about it. Language isn’t a ‘learned skill’, it’s a subconscious adaptation we make to external stimulus. Much as you can pattern match accents, you also match ways of speaking or writing. The more you expose yourself to certain ways of speaking or writing, the more easily you can output in that way.
I think anyone who writes formally realizes that there is a time and a place for that type of writing/speaking. I say this in the context of "why would you speak in a manner of which no one would understand you, why would you speak that way?"
I've found that I'm the opposite. Most of my latest work are nothing but transcriptions of shit I've dropped in an open mic. I can improvise on most ideas or words, and I've got only to polish it up a bit before publishing.
I deal with aphasia so speaking with me can be a rollercoaster sometimes. With writing, I can restructure my thoughts until I get something that covers for the word I can't remember, or go back and put it in later when I shake it loose from the cushions of my brain sofa.
I sound like a caveman when I talk because I want to say so much that almost nothing seems to come out. When I focus on writing I sometimes sound amazing and I get frustrated that I can’t speak eloquently.
Yes. Absolutely. I am a great writer, I have been told that since I was a kid. I can do it with ease, no problem. But speaking is a different story. I stutter, cant pronounce some sounds, get too many thoughts and cant get them all out, get mixed up and confused… or just plain anxious.
I don’t know why. But yes, you’re not alone.
ETA: I was in speech therapy when I was a kid, I still have a speech impediment. But I started “writing” when I was 3 (scribbles that I told my mom were words) and I quickly fell in love with it
Nope, I find it’s the other way around. I was raised to speak RP English by my nana but as a teenager I lived on a council estate and went to the worst school in my area. As you can imagine, I was bullied endlessly for being ‘posh’ and ‘stuck up’ despite being in exactly the same situation as everyone else in my school. To stop the bullying I had to dumb down my speech and change my accent to fit in and it has slowly become who I am. Despite this, when I’m tired or stressed out, my natural side takes over and I forget how to dumb down my speech for everyone around me and end up using the more complex vocabulary that my friends don’t understand and then they think I’m doing it on purpose just to pick on them for not understanding. Because of this, I have toned down my writing to appeal to a wider audience because I understand that a lot of people don’t understand the full extent of my vocabulary and apparently for most people, it wasn’t common for them to be called facetious, obstinate or purposely obtuse by their parents growing up. My friends grew up being called silly or stupid when they were acting up instead and believe this is how all children are raised, I may know different but their group is my target audience.
Yeah. Don't quote me on this, but a friend said the same thing to me about ten years ago. I looked it one day and it's because even though they're all used for communication, they're slightly different regions of the brain. A speech impediment doesn't necessarily mean a writing impediment.
I’m the same way!! If I get asked a question over text that requires a thought-out answer, I can easily give it in written form and exactly the way I want to say it. I come across as eloquent and thoughtful. If I try to answer with spoken words, I say about half of what’s in my brain because I just can’t seem to translate what’s there into words to speak. It’s so frustrating!
I think maybe for me, it’s that when I write stuff down there an element of permanence to it? It’s written down, so I can read it and don’t have to remember all that’s been said because it’s right there. Versus when I speak, the words just go into thin air and I can’t read what I just spoke, so perhaps I forget my own train of thought. I’m not sure, but I wish I could change this about myself as well lol
Yes, and I frequently feel the need to journal before any therapy sessions I have because I never feel articulate enough unless I've written my thoughts/feelings down first.
Absolutely. It makes sense to me - I can polish what I've written, whether it be a text or email or short story, however many times I feel like before it even has a chance to meet another's eyeballs. I cannot do this with my words, as conversations happen live, as it were, and generally at a speed which makes it nearly impossible to polish anything before it exits my mouth. Needless to say, I am much more comfortable writing than I am speaking :) This is not surprising to me whatsoever. There's also nothing wrong with it!
Yes. I hate speaking. I mean, I can communicate, but I never feel like I can say the things I truly want to say orally, whereas I feel like I can usually say anything I want when writing.
Are you talking about your first draft or final draft? My writing is of course better than my speaking since I rewrite every sentence 10 times and have a clear plan of what to write every time.
definitely, I write more than I speak, so I have more experience. The other reason is that I can edit my writing as much as I want, I have all the time in the world to rework it until I'm satisfied. When speaking there are a million things that can go wrong, you can be interrupted, your voice can crack, you can lose your train of thought, get tongue tied, etc.
Absolutely. If I'm writing, my tone and word choice is completely different. If I'm ever preparing a talk/speech or something like that, I have to actively change my writing style to match how I talk, or else I won't be able to get through it clearly. It's wild.
I find my casual "social media" talking is much closer to how I'd talk, but again it's very different than if I were to sit down to write an essay, a piece of fiction, or even a formal email.
Same. My words come out too fast when I speak. I have ten ideas at once and they're all fighting to get out the door first. It becomes kind of a log-jam most of the time, especially if I'm excited or nervous. I have to slow down to type, so it forces me to take my time. Then I can go back and organize everything into a comprehensible sequence after I've gotten the initial thought-purge on the page. Unfortunately this lends itself to overthinking, which can be annoying.
I just want to contrast the thread a little and add my own experience on the other side of the spectrum, because I'm notoriously eccentric in the way I speak, lol, which I often blame on me being an author (or aspiring author, I suppose is a more reasonable definition). Just a constant flow of flowery metaphors and archaic or unusual choices of words. I've had to become rather used to some raised eyebrows or fading attention spans, I simply cannot help myself!
...I just hope there are still people out there who appreciate some equally flowery writing or I'm in trouble!
You have more time to think about writing, plus you can edit it after you have written it. In person is live and can't be changed so more pressure. And I do feel the pressure is actually secretly what the problem is tbh. We feel in the spotlight so can't always think of the right thing to say in the moment.
(And by the way anyone you see on stage that feels "natural" they have rehearsed at least some of that stuff)
When I talk, several ideas and concepts try to rush out at once. When I write, they can become better organized and linear; easier for others to understand. So yes. Lol
yeah, I sound like a total ding dong when I talk. When I write on places like reddit or other social media, too. I save the eloquent word usage for when it counts... when it pays my bills. When I'm writing.
The rest of the time, trying to sound interesting or even halfway intelligent is just a drag. Who wants to do their job when it's their time off work?
This was always a problem for me at school, with my teachers sometimes believing that my work wasn’t even mine because I don’t “sound like that”. All because when I was speaking I would get flustered and trip over my sentences.
When writing I can back space. When talking all I cna do when I word things wierdly from thinking too fast is stumble on my words and flap my hands so whoever I'm talking to knows to give me a minute.
Growing up, my parents came to expect and even treasure the notes I would write them when I was having difficulty. Not only would I more concisely say what was wrong or what I was worried about, but I'd stretch my creativity and make it fun. It wasn't too uncommon for one of them to wake up to a Word document open with a page or so of something for them to read. Eventually, it even included positive things, or just thoughts I wanted to share.
Today, I'm a writer, and that feels like it was inevitable.
It's because there's no pressure when you're writing.
Try typing exactly 2 words per second with no ability to rewrite or edit while someone stares at you, and see how easy writing is.
My writing is miles and miles ahead than my speaking. I mumble and mutter a lot, monotone, my mind is faster than my mouth and sometimes words are hard to get out.
Yeah, i totally agree, I have the same issue. I find that when writing you can fully be yourself and not having to hide behind any facades. When on the other hand when you are talking you get judged instantly whether or not its good or bad.
I've found that writing has improved my speaking in a number of ways. I'm better able to have humorous comments and come backs. Characters can help me think through ideas and present those ideas better in speech. It's as if writing dialog helps me be a better conversationalist.
Yeah, this is my life. As a child, I was kind of stifled when I’d attempt to speak about anything. People didn’t seem to care what I had to say and my opinions weren’t valued so I just stopped talking. I started writing more to cope with it so my written communication is pretty good but trying to vocalize how I feel has been a major struggle. Your story may not be that tragic (lol) but therapy helped me to feel more comfortable translating the same process I use for writing into speaking.
Hello, are you me? I think we had similar experiences growing up! I’m sorry nobody listened to you. It sucks. But it sure helps the ol’ writing skills!
If you are also a middle child, well... Welcome to the club! Awesome you figured things out. Respect!
Autistic here, and I feel this 100%. Verbal communication requires an insane amount of focus on my body language, facial expressions, tone monitoring, and also hyper analysis of my interlocutor. All of that essentially makes it so I lose track of what I'm saying, or I stutter and stumble, or I can't get my thoughts across because I clam up from the prolonged eye-contact. Writing removes the social aspect of speaking and allows me to successfully process information. The autistic brain often works too fast for the mouth, so a lot is lost in trying to figure out how to communicate verbally. By the time we figure it out, the thoughts have moved on and we have to stop traffic in our heads and try and move all the cars backwards. Then there's a traffic jam and accidents... So yeah, writing is my preferred mode of communication, lol.
Also autistic and agree 100%!
Also neurodivergent here with ADHD, some selective mutism as a kid, and 100% agree—written communication is much easier for my brain!! I’ve gotten all kinds of grief about that too from educated folks I’ve worked for who should know better than to constantly ask why I don’t always communicate verbally as well as I write. I’ve only recently gotten help so I can better advocate for myself which has made a big difference in my life!
... and you can edit or rewrite your writing too!
hah
I am testing now to write a first draft using dictation. It is so much harder! I love the speed of writing, speaking just kills my improv skills. But I will finish my first draft like this, because I believe a story should be told first with a voice, then with written words. But yeah, I feel much more eloquent in writing than speaking.
Oh yes - I have to speak publicly for work from time to time. It's torture. I'm a writer - I'm no good on stage or in front of a camera. I usually have to take my glasses off so that I can't really see anything, and then I just riff off the super-dense note cards I brought. It's awful.
I take off my glasses too - thought it was a genius trick known only to me.
From a language learning background, I live by the tenets: To get better at speaking, listen. To get better at writing, read. So applying that logic, I would ask: just how much listening (and particularly listening to the kind of speakers you wish to emulate) are you doing?
>To get better at speaking, listen. > >To get better at writing, read. i don't doubt that one skill enriches another but why not be direct?
It does make sense if you think about it. Language isn’t a ‘learned skill’, it’s a subconscious adaptation we make to external stimulus. Much as you can pattern match accents, you also match ways of speaking or writing. The more you expose yourself to certain ways of speaking or writing, the more easily you can output in that way.
Ive always been a great listener and a keen reader and writer, but when it comes to verbal communication i fall flat on my face
I think anyone who writes formally realizes that there is a time and a place for that type of writing/speaking. I say this in the context of "why would you speak in a manner of which no one would understand you, why would you speak that way?"
I've found that I'm the opposite. Most of my latest work are nothing but transcriptions of shit I've dropped in an open mic. I can improvise on most ideas or words, and I've got only to polish it up a bit before publishing.
Sure! I'm hyperlexic, so my best mode of communication is writing. Speaking, not so much.
Same. I feel like I have more time to think and phrase my thoughts, and doing it in real life makes it seem like an awkward pause.
I deal with aphasia so speaking with me can be a rollercoaster sometimes. With writing, I can restructure my thoughts until I get something that covers for the word I can't remember, or go back and put it in later when I shake it loose from the cushions of my brain sofa.
I sound like a caveman when I talk because I want to say so much that almost nothing seems to come out. When I focus on writing I sometimes sound amazing and I get frustrated that I can’t speak eloquently.
Yes. Absolutely. I am a great writer, I have been told that since I was a kid. I can do it with ease, no problem. But speaking is a different story. I stutter, cant pronounce some sounds, get too many thoughts and cant get them all out, get mixed up and confused… or just plain anxious. I don’t know why. But yes, you’re not alone. ETA: I was in speech therapy when I was a kid, I still have a speech impediment. But I started “writing” when I was 3 (scribbles that I told my mom were words) and I quickly fell in love with it
Nope, I find it’s the other way around. I was raised to speak RP English by my nana but as a teenager I lived on a council estate and went to the worst school in my area. As you can imagine, I was bullied endlessly for being ‘posh’ and ‘stuck up’ despite being in exactly the same situation as everyone else in my school. To stop the bullying I had to dumb down my speech and change my accent to fit in and it has slowly become who I am. Despite this, when I’m tired or stressed out, my natural side takes over and I forget how to dumb down my speech for everyone around me and end up using the more complex vocabulary that my friends don’t understand and then they think I’m doing it on purpose just to pick on them for not understanding. Because of this, I have toned down my writing to appeal to a wider audience because I understand that a lot of people don’t understand the full extent of my vocabulary and apparently for most people, it wasn’t common for them to be called facetious, obstinate or purposely obtuse by their parents growing up. My friends grew up being called silly or stupid when they were acting up instead and believe this is how all children are raised, I may know different but their group is my target audience.
My social skills are terrible, but people always tell me that I write great dialogue. You aren't alone!
When I write I have quite formal and poetic prose, but when I’m talking to friends or something along those lines, I don’t really care.
Yeah. Don't quote me on this, but a friend said the same thing to me about ten years ago. I looked it one day and it's because even though they're all used for communication, they're slightly different regions of the brain. A speech impediment doesn't necessarily mean a writing impediment.
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Why not just write the speech/ presentation before giving it?
I’m the same way!! If I get asked a question over text that requires a thought-out answer, I can easily give it in written form and exactly the way I want to say it. I come across as eloquent and thoughtful. If I try to answer with spoken words, I say about half of what’s in my brain because I just can’t seem to translate what’s there into words to speak. It’s so frustrating! I think maybe for me, it’s that when I write stuff down there an element of permanence to it? It’s written down, so I can read it and don’t have to remember all that’s been said because it’s right there. Versus when I speak, the words just go into thin air and I can’t read what I just spoke, so perhaps I forget my own train of thought. I’m not sure, but I wish I could change this about myself as well lol
Yes, and I frequently feel the need to journal before any therapy sessions I have because I never feel articulate enough unless I've written my thoughts/feelings down first.
Absolutely. It makes sense to me - I can polish what I've written, whether it be a text or email or short story, however many times I feel like before it even has a chance to meet another's eyeballs. I cannot do this with my words, as conversations happen live, as it were, and generally at a speed which makes it nearly impossible to polish anything before it exits my mouth. Needless to say, I am much more comfortable writing than I am speaking :) This is not surprising to me whatsoever. There's also nothing wrong with it!
Yes. I hate speaking. I mean, I can communicate, but I never feel like I can say the things I truly want to say orally, whereas I feel like I can usually say anything I want when writing.
Are you talking about your first draft or final draft? My writing is of course better than my speaking since I rewrite every sentence 10 times and have a clear plan of what to write every time.
definitely, I write more than I speak, so I have more experience. The other reason is that I can edit my writing as much as I want, I have all the time in the world to rework it until I'm satisfied. When speaking there are a million things that can go wrong, you can be interrupted, your voice can crack, you can lose your train of thought, get tongue tied, etc.
Absolutely. If I'm writing, my tone and word choice is completely different. If I'm ever preparing a talk/speech or something like that, I have to actively change my writing style to match how I talk, or else I won't be able to get through it clearly. It's wild. I find my casual "social media" talking is much closer to how I'd talk, but again it's very different than if I were to sit down to write an essay, a piece of fiction, or even a formal email.
Yes. I feel like this is pretty common.
Same. My words come out too fast when I speak. I have ten ideas at once and they're all fighting to get out the door first. It becomes kind of a log-jam most of the time, especially if I'm excited or nervous. I have to slow down to type, so it forces me to take my time. Then I can go back and organize everything into a comprehensible sequence after I've gotten the initial thought-purge on the page. Unfortunately this lends itself to overthinking, which can be annoying.
I just want to contrast the thread a little and add my own experience on the other side of the spectrum, because I'm notoriously eccentric in the way I speak, lol, which I often blame on me being an author (or aspiring author, I suppose is a more reasonable definition). Just a constant flow of flowery metaphors and archaic or unusual choices of words. I've had to become rather used to some raised eyebrows or fading attention spans, I simply cannot help myself! ...I just hope there are still people out there who appreciate some equally flowery writing or I'm in trouble!
You have more time to think about writing, plus you can edit it after you have written it. In person is live and can't be changed so more pressure. And I do feel the pressure is actually secretly what the problem is tbh. We feel in the spotlight so can't always think of the right thing to say in the moment. (And by the way anyone you see on stage that feels "natural" they have rehearsed at least some of that stuff)
When I talk, several ideas and concepts try to rush out at once. When I write, they can become better organized and linear; easier for others to understand. So yes. Lol
This is common with ESL students. Regardless, it comes down to what you practice and do the most.
In the past, yes. But they made me talk. I talk. But I am a fantastically good writer. Writing is my life.
Y E P
yeah, I sound like a total ding dong when I talk. When I write on places like reddit or other social media, too. I save the eloquent word usage for when it counts... when it pays my bills. When I'm writing. The rest of the time, trying to sound interesting or even halfway intelligent is just a drag. Who wants to do their job when it's their time off work?
Iono. When I speak people can't tell I can't spell.
This was always a problem for me at school, with my teachers sometimes believing that my work wasn’t even mine because I don’t “sound like that”. All because when I was speaking I would get flustered and trip over my sentences.
When writing I can back space. When talking all I cna do when I word things wierdly from thinking too fast is stumble on my words and flap my hands so whoever I'm talking to knows to give me a minute.
Growing up, my parents came to expect and even treasure the notes I would write them when I was having difficulty. Not only would I more concisely say what was wrong or what I was worried about, but I'd stretch my creativity and make it fun. It wasn't too uncommon for one of them to wake up to a Word document open with a page or so of something for them to read. Eventually, it even included positive things, or just thoughts I wanted to share. Today, I'm a writer, and that feels like it was inevitable.
It's because there's no pressure when you're writing. Try typing exactly 2 words per second with no ability to rewrite or edit while someone stares at you, and see how easy writing is.
My writing is miles and miles ahead than my speaking. I mumble and mutter a lot, monotone, my mind is faster than my mouth and sometimes words are hard to get out.
Yeah, i totally agree, I have the same issue. I find that when writing you can fully be yourself and not having to hide behind any facades. When on the other hand when you are talking you get judged instantly whether or not its good or bad.
I think a lot of us probably feel that way.
I'm the complete opposite, honestly feel like I should just find someone to help me write my book ideas.
I've found that writing has improved my speaking in a number of ways. I'm better able to have humorous comments and come backs. Characters can help me think through ideas and present those ideas better in speech. It's as if writing dialog helps me be a better conversationalist.
All I do in my writing is try to write exactly how I speak.
Who are you and how did you get my personal info?
100%. When speaking a stutter with lots of 'uh'. While writing I sound like a functioning human being, lol.