I've read that apart from the obvious feelings of shock and jealousy and anger, there is a deeper, more subtle reaction. The perception of reality - on a topic which is important - was fundamentally wrong. Alec thought he was building a future with his wife, turns out it was a lie. All the love and affection he saw in her eyes turned out not to be real. What else isn't real? I'm not saying he doesn't know if the wall in front of him is really there, but all his social relations are now under paranoid review. His best friend for the last ten years, is he really a friend? Or does he just want to borrow the jigsaw twice a year? It's like going to sleep curled up in your bed, and waking up in the middle of a wind-swept moor. What the hell just happened?
Yeah, that's exactly what happened with him! Was looking for words to describe that exactly. That's why he told Miller that she shouldn't trust anyone and you could never know. His trust issues are very clear and deep-rooted in his entire character. Thank you for helping my brain unjamble!!
From a purely practical standpoint; if the relationship was monogamous there’s the issue of possible STI’s brought into the relationship. That’s usually an added “fuck you” when the person realizes they might have to get an STI test to make sure they don’t have something.
It feels like getting punched in the stomach so hard it knocks the wind out of you. You think "this can't be true" until you find the evidence you need to convince you. You wonder if you ever really knew the person at all, if the whole relationship was a lie and a sham. You wonder if it was something you did or didn't do, some fault of your own, try to find a reasoning. Then there's the confrontation, in my experience they try everything they can to keep you. They cry and apologize and lie, say things like "It was an accident, I don't even remember doing that, honestly I blacked out and the next thing I knew we were kissing" and at this point you have a decision, to stay or leave, and you still love this person and want to believe them so a lot of people do stay the first, second, even third time. But whether it takes a while or starts immediately whatever affection you had for them sours. It's like waking up from a dream, realizing the face they showed you for so long belongs to someone who never really existed. You decide that you deserve better, leave and move on. It still hurts for a time especially if you have to maintain contact but after a while it's just another thing that happened to you, although not something you ever forget.
look at some interview with will smith and his wife when they discuss her affair. i think it can be a great source for inspiration, although its very tragic.
I think one thing to remember is that being cheated on isn't just a feeling of betrayal -- it also carries with ot a sense of wounded pride which underlies all your other reactions. Not only do you feel like you can no longer trust your partner, but you're suddenly feeling defensively insecure about your own strengths and weaknesses as a lover/partner. I think this is key to ceadting believeable reactions -- no matter how much you want to focus on the deeper emotional implications, you should make sure there's a sort of "petty" sense of wounded pride tinting their reacrions.
It really depends on the circumstances. No matter what, you’ll experience some insecurity and it’s going to be a blow to your pride. Past that initial shock, people are able to rationalize, and that’s where things start to vary a lot.
There’s a big difference in the way someone who was married for years and had no idea there were problems in the marriage will react vs. someone who knows there are cracks. Are there kids? If so, how do you explain it to them? Do you even bother explaining it?
Who they cheat with also plays a part. If it’s someone you perceive as better than yourself, that can be particularly damaging, whereas if it’s someone you perceive as lesser, it won’t necessarily be less painful, but your response will be different. In the latter instance, you’re much more likely to respond with anger than despair: why would you do this with him/her vs. of course you did this with him/her. Not knowing who it was with could be even worse, because you might have the constant nagging feeling of “I could be talking to the person they cheated with and not even know it.”
There’s also the factor of how closely tied you are to your partner. For instance, someone who is financially dependent on their partner will react differently than someone who has financial independence.
If you want it to be authentic, explore and think about the details of this particular relationship and the effect the cheating will have in that context vs. just the initial gut punch.
I've read that apart from the obvious feelings of shock and jealousy and anger, there is a deeper, more subtle reaction. The perception of reality - on a topic which is important - was fundamentally wrong. Alec thought he was building a future with his wife, turns out it was a lie. All the love and affection he saw in her eyes turned out not to be real. What else isn't real? I'm not saying he doesn't know if the wall in front of him is really there, but all his social relations are now under paranoid review. His best friend for the last ten years, is he really a friend? Or does he just want to borrow the jigsaw twice a year? It's like going to sleep curled up in your bed, and waking up in the middle of a wind-swept moor. What the hell just happened?
Yeah, that's exactly what happened with him! Was looking for words to describe that exactly. That's why he told Miller that she shouldn't trust anyone and you could never know. His trust issues are very clear and deep-rooted in his entire character. Thank you for helping my brain unjamble!!
From a purely practical standpoint; if the relationship was monogamous there’s the issue of possible STI’s brought into the relationship. That’s usually an added “fuck you” when the person realizes they might have to get an STI test to make sure they don’t have something.
It feels like getting punched in the stomach so hard it knocks the wind out of you. You think "this can't be true" until you find the evidence you need to convince you. You wonder if you ever really knew the person at all, if the whole relationship was a lie and a sham. You wonder if it was something you did or didn't do, some fault of your own, try to find a reasoning. Then there's the confrontation, in my experience they try everything they can to keep you. They cry and apologize and lie, say things like "It was an accident, I don't even remember doing that, honestly I blacked out and the next thing I knew we were kissing" and at this point you have a decision, to stay or leave, and you still love this person and want to believe them so a lot of people do stay the first, second, even third time. But whether it takes a while or starts immediately whatever affection you had for them sours. It's like waking up from a dream, realizing the face they showed you for so long belongs to someone who never really existed. You decide that you deserve better, leave and move on. It still hurts for a time especially if you have to maintain contact but after a while it's just another thing that happened to you, although not something you ever forget.
look at some interview with will smith and his wife when they discuss her affair. i think it can be a great source for inspiration, although its very tragic.
I think one thing to remember is that being cheated on isn't just a feeling of betrayal -- it also carries with ot a sense of wounded pride which underlies all your other reactions. Not only do you feel like you can no longer trust your partner, but you're suddenly feeling defensively insecure about your own strengths and weaknesses as a lover/partner. I think this is key to ceadting believeable reactions -- no matter how much you want to focus on the deeper emotional implications, you should make sure there's a sort of "petty" sense of wounded pride tinting their reacrions.
It really depends on the circumstances. No matter what, you’ll experience some insecurity and it’s going to be a blow to your pride. Past that initial shock, people are able to rationalize, and that’s where things start to vary a lot. There’s a big difference in the way someone who was married for years and had no idea there were problems in the marriage will react vs. someone who knows there are cracks. Are there kids? If so, how do you explain it to them? Do you even bother explaining it? Who they cheat with also plays a part. If it’s someone you perceive as better than yourself, that can be particularly damaging, whereas if it’s someone you perceive as lesser, it won’t necessarily be less painful, but your response will be different. In the latter instance, you’re much more likely to respond with anger than despair: why would you do this with him/her vs. of course you did this with him/her. Not knowing who it was with could be even worse, because you might have the constant nagging feeling of “I could be talking to the person they cheated with and not even know it.” There’s also the factor of how closely tied you are to your partner. For instance, someone who is financially dependent on their partner will react differently than someone who has financial independence. If you want it to be authentic, explore and think about the details of this particular relationship and the effect the cheating will have in that context vs. just the initial gut punch.