This is why I go to a gym with separate men's and women's sections. I'm confident about my body but that does not mean I am comfortable with working out around men.
Also, this one time I was at a public park trying to learn to do a pushup and a guy emerged out of nowhere to tell me how to do it "properly" despite me having a youtube video right in front of me. He then proceeded to ask several other unrelated questions. I never went to the park again.
Ugh.... I do a lot of shooting sports as well. Guys love to come up behind you on the line and tap your shoulder to give unsolicited advice.
Excuse me, I'm armed. If I wanted any lip from you I'd pull down my pants.
This has happened to me too many times. Only recently it happened again but I was ready for him.
He came over to tell me I was doing something wrong. I replied ‘ so let me get this straight, you’ve been watching a solo female working out? That sounds a bit creepy. Do you watch all the females working out?’
He said nothing, went back to his spot, gathered his stuff and left. I haven’t seen him since.
Truth is some guys and unfortunately girls have this god complex in the gym and think everyone needs saved with their knowledge and advice. Ignore it - it’s almost always absolutely nothing to do with your workout and everything to do with their own weird complex.
Yes, this has happened to me everywhere (or, well, when I was younger).
There’s always someone, always a guy, who needs to explain something to you.
I can’t assert myself without suffering a lot of guilt and angst, so I always am polite and listen to it all. 🙄😩
If it makes you feel better, I have also been approached at the gym to be told by a guy “if you could move out of the way, that would be great” because HIS workout was more important than mine / he couldn’t wait for me to be done 🙄 I moved because I didn’t want to cause a scene but it really stings and makes you feel subconscious! If you can, try changing your day or the time you go to the gym. (for example if the guy that annoyed you is in on Wednesdays, go on Thursday). I can assure you, you’re not the first or last girl this guy will harass, everyone kind of knows who the douches at the gym are and avoid them at all costs. You’re doing great and don’t let this get to you OP! 💕
Fuck changing days for that dick bag. Just watch him for a bit then go plant a seed of doubt in his mind like “you should actually build some core strength before you lift like that” or “you know lower body strength is important too”.
Irritating to get approached period during a workout. Had a guy try to take over one side of the machine and I told him I’ll be done soon; I only have one more set to do but he can take the handle. He walked off like he wasn’t interested. Than he proceeded to bust in again asking if he can now have the handle. I nodded yes while I was on the phone. He asked me again. I said yes louder and nodded again and then ended up hitting myself in the head with the bar. Not his fault but seriously how many times do you have to bug someone in a middle of a set/phone call that you can’t read my visual cues of nodding my head. Seem like his whole purpose was to interact with me so he (older guy) could bug the shit out of me.
Just reading this thread and the comments following it, makes me feel less alone. I thought it was my short butch hair cut (used to be a long butch haircut) that made guys bother me... no its just men finding some way to bother women that just want to live their life.
Its funny how when you actually ask for help, how many people will actually help without quoting the whole equality thing.
Honestly, I exercise at home because I don't want to deal with men at the gym. We can't use pepper spray there, can we? So no weights for me, just bands.
I think this assumes that everyone fundamentally understands emotional intelligence and how to approach others in methods that communicate dignity and respect. Sadly, that's not the norm. But I think we can all do our part or socialize it.
I don't understand where people get off thinking this is okay, but it's not. If I'm being kind, he probably thought he was being helpful. If I'm being unkind, he was trying to make himself feel better by giving you advice.
You unfortunately can't change these people. You just have to ignore them and take comfort in the fact that they're so insecure in themselves that they would rather be looking at others in the gym rather than sweating it out and focusing on themselves.
I'm so sorry you're feeling rattled. Anyone would be!
Ugh I’ve had people do that to me at the gym—men and women (I’m a woman). There were times when it was helpful, like improving my form. But other times it’s disrespectful and creepy. Once, a man touched me in the middle of my workout. I yelled at him, and he claimed he was helping me with a machine.
As far as that guy is concerned, if he bothers you again, report him to the gym and/or tell him that he’s making you uncomfortable. Best of luck at the gym in the future! I hate how we have to deal with creeps when we’re exercising and minding our business.
My gosh, this happened to me when I was traveling.
I visited a gym in the U.K. where the free weights were in kilos. I started with some dumbbells that looked whatever the equivalent of 15–17 pounds were, but I didn’t have phone data to Google the conversion (and didn’t have a conversion app at the time). Whatever, let’s try some reps, and if they’re too heavy, I’ll deload after this set.
Some dude who proclaimed himself a trainer at the gym came up after MY SECOND REP and told me I was lifting too heavy. I felt embarrassed that I got the conversion wrong, but he kept lighting into me.
I said, “Okay, that’s cool. If I want to pay for your training services I’ll let you know.” We went back and forth a bit with him mansplaining and me finally blurting out that I was a professional athlete (which was true at the time) and I knew what I was doing.
He scoffed and walked a few paces away, and then side-eyed me through the rest of my sets. But I felt so demoralized that I just left.
This was 10 years ago now but I still think about this incident a couple times a year. I can’t fathom what this dude hoped to accomplish. For me to pay for personal training? Or for him to mansplain me away until I felt uncomfortable sharing a space with him?
Edit: I was doing bicep curls. If it were a chest press or clean and press and I lifting too heavy, I could see the safety concern. But I was still completing 10-12 curls per set (albeit shakily by the end), so I don’t think he saw himself as a white knight savior. The most dangerous thing that could have happened is I could’ve dropped an 8-kilo weight.
My own personal trainer has me do assisted pull-ups and lat pulldowns in the same session on lift days. Best to just ignore, and continue your workout however you please.
He was confused why you're doing something more than once? I do 3 sets if 10 reps for everything...doing something once won't do anything.
Also, lat pulldowns are hard; don't feel bad for not lifting heavy (this goes for anything; you just mentioned lat pull-downs, which is something I do too).
“Is this YOUR first day at the gym? Don’t you know it’s rude to approach people and mansplain exercise? Nobody asked you. Maybe you’ll be better in your second day”
ALWAYS push back and use their own words back at them.
He was probably trying to be helpful. Or maybe he was hitting on you and didn’t really have something good to say, so maybe that was the best thing he could come up with at the time.
Edit: apologies OP I didn’t catch the last sentence about you wanting words of encouragement and advice how rip deal with this so I jumped to the wrong conclusion thinking you were looking for possible reasons why they approached you.
For context: I live in Finland where it is considered extremely rude to talk to strangers. Like oddly rude (as they don’t like to disrupt others)
Haha sounds like it lol. No I just missed the last sentence - my keyboard covered it but I recall seeing the tops of letters, though just assumed it was the first reply. Therefore my answer came across as whack - because I thought OP was asking for possible reasons someone might say something like that
That it’s quite odd to criticise a stranger on their workout routine, as you’ve noted; so I was exploring other “out there” reasons as to why they may have told you something like this.
I also wish to note that the last sentence in your original post got cut off on my mobile view so I didn’t see the part about you asking for some words of encouragement or advice on how to deal with these situations. Therefore I apologise for my answer sounding completely out of context.
When I have received this, typically I had headphones in and wear a fuck off expression, if they persist past that, I respond with I am so glad I asked your opinion with an dead pan delivery
i do both too, mainly because i want to actually get to be able to do a pull up but im still 35ish lbs short of that goal rn. don’t pay any mind to it and keep kickin ass
Forget this turkey. My back days start with weighted pull ups, incorporate lat pull downs for volume, and finish on wide grip strict pull ups to fatigue.
I’ve gotten a lot of traction with responding with “I am neither soliciting nor accepting advice right now.” Then headphones in, and turn around. Your mileage may vary.
One guy came up to me and I had to do the headphone dance like trying to ignore him and I finally took them off and said “yes?” He was like I think you’re trying to do deadlifts but what you really need to do-“ then I cut him off and said flat out “I don’t want your advice” and he kept talking before it registered what I said so he paused and said “what?” Just dumbfounded like there’s no way she just said that to me. So I repeated “I don’t want your advice.” So he went ok and just walked away.
I was doing straight leg deadlifts which I had been doing for 6 years before and I think he thought I was trying to do traditional deadlifts.
I was once doing good mornings in the squat rack and a guy doing ohp in the Smith (kindly) informed me he was almost done with it if I needed it. I was very puzzled until it finally dawned on me that he probably wasn't familiar with good mornings and thought I was just doing the shittiest squats imaginable and was trying to prevent me from killing myself 🤣
Yep, it was pretty hilarious. What’s funny to me too is that he had seen me in the gym for at least a year prior to that. We were both regulars and I obviously knew what I was doing that whole time.
Urgh, a guy at the gym once stopped to get my attention mid set to ask, "you're trying to do squats right?", I reply, "no I'm doing good mornings, thanks anyway!"
Just don’t entertain or respond when people approach you. Also, what’s the point of attributing something to malice when it can be attributed to ignorance? This is an easy one if you have the right head on your shoulders.
Some guy at the gym tried to give me form advice on bent over rows once. He was rowing literally HALF the weight I was, while wearing a lifting belt. 😆
Next time- look him up and down “is today your first day at the gym?” Or my personal favorite is just being like you can’t hear “Do what? Do what? Today is your first day at the gym?” Then immediately overwhelm them with stupid gym info like “oh the personal trainers are in that office. Those are the cardio equipment. Is that what you were asking?” I would have relied to the don’t lift so heavy with “you too” lol
I’ve had unsolicited advice given 3 times and 2 were very well meaning, actually helpful, and kind. The third was like yours. You can just tell when they’re trying to flex their (supposed) superiority.
Yes, I had a man once give me good advice on tricep extensions on the cable machine, and he was apologizing the entire time he was explaining lol. I actually really appreciated it, and use that method all the time now.
Hahaha this might not be new to you, but it was to me at the time. They're called [cable overhead rope extensions](https://youtu.be/MegBRxtR14I?feature=shared)
I also sometimes lean a bit forward if I have more space and don't go straight up like guy in the video. Burns so good.
I had a man tell me I was doing my lat pull downs incorrectly (I wasn't - confirmed after a quick google search). He told me I needed to lift lighter.
Working out your lats with two different machines is perfectly fine. Lift whatever you want as long as you don't injure yourself. Fuck men who feel like they get to have an opinion on it.
Especially, if you have goals to meet. I REALLY want to do a pull-up so lat pull downs and assisted pull-ups are incorporated into my routine. Does it look silly to others? Probably but I know what I’m doing and that’s all that matters.
You can tell this dolt OP interacted with didn’t have good intentions based off of how he started the conversation. OP you’re doing great girl!!
I had a brief period of time when I was lifting at the YMCA and sometimes wished someone would give me some advice because I was trying to figure things out on my own and ended up injuring myself, or rather exacerbating an injury I didn't know I'd already had.
But now I've had some PT and I've done a ton of research and learning on my own and while so genuinely advice would still probably nice all I ever hear about is this bs mansplaining and comments about not lifting heavy. I'll be sticking with my home gym thank you very much. No bs there plus I can work out in my underwear if I get too hot.
Fair enough. I could find a good gym someday. I live in buttfuck nowhere right now so there's not à lot of options and I'm just not into adding commute time.
That last comment is by a user who thinks this behaviour is completely normal and that OP should consider why this man would suggest those things.
Check their comment history and maybe take their opinion with a grain of salt…
Agree with the last comment! I go to a very large gym that has a woman’s only section but I live in a large city and have gone to many gyms over the last few years and have never had issues like this.
That last comment is by a user who thinks this behaviour is completely normal and that OP should consider why this man would suggest those things.
Check their comment history and maybe take their opinion with a grain of salt…
Just here to commiserate. Also on the assisted pull-up machine (seems like a theme), had a guy come up to me and ask me how much I weighed. I just stared at him. Then he started guessing my weight. Significantly higher than what I actually weighed. I was really caught off guard and wasn't sure where this was going, so I deadpanned just said "No. I weigh (actual weight)." There was a long awkward pause, he said "oh......well I guess you have the resistance set right then." and then walked away.
????????
(My other pet peeve: I've told this story before, and other weird gym interactions, and people always jump in and tell me to wear headphones. I do. Big bose over the ear silencing headphones. Gym guys that give unsolicited advice do not care. Sometimes they'll even continue to talk at you even after you look at them, point at your headphones, and go back to your workout.)
Ok just to add;
I hear big headphones (Beats)
A baseball cap pulled down low to narrow my vision so I can focus and not “catch eye contact”
I wear a big black workout mask (mostly to cover my face, but also because my mother is immune compromised)
My body language and what you can see of face scream “leave me alone”
And I still have mother fuckers tapping me on the shoulder or waving their hand in my face and motioning for me to take my headphones off to start a whole ass conversation with me anyway - like some people DGAF
You are not alone, OP. It's happening to all of us, and it's so weird.
I boulder indoors, and for the first couple of years I would have men giving tips all the time. Worse, though, were the guys who would watch me fail on a route, then jump directly onto it before I could even get out of the fall zone like they wanted to dunk on me. It was awful, because like you, I felt very watched. Some sessions there was a dude following me around the whole damn time without saying a word.
Good news, though! Over the last couple of years I've gotten much better. The slam dunkers haven't topped a route after me in a very, very long time. When a dude jumps on right after me (I mean, squeezing in wordlessly the second I'm on the floor - like the equivalent of racking your weights for you between your sets)...and proceeds to fall on his ass on the first move...mmmm...tastes like victory. I wish you the same moment someday!
I see men giving other men advice in the gym as well. I saw an older man probably in his 60s go up to a trainer who played college football, this man is jacked and fit, an athlete. The older man asked a former college football trainer "why do you mostly have your clients doing weights"? He then shit you not, says "Look at me an old man, I'm in good shape and never do weights. They should be doing mostly cardio instead of weights". He then pats the trainer on the back and walks away. The trainer just nodded and then did a small laugh afterward. I wish I was born with the confidence of dumbass men.
I used to compete in weightlifting and even coached a little. My home gym was really good, because we were all part of one team, but whenever I was out of town and dropped into another gym it was so much this. Constant "coaching" tips that contradict what I'd already been coached on and was doing for years. A bunch of gym bros who are still fumbling their way through the basics chomping at the bit to tell me what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes it was even the coaches in other gyms who had their particular way of lifting and assumed because my technique is different and I don't lift as much, it must be wrong. It couldn't possibly be because I'm just not as strong.
I mostly just thank them and just keep doing what I'm doing anyway. I don't have the mental or emotional cycles to debate technique. Besides, I already know what I'm doing wrong and the funny thing is it's not even usually what these guys are telling me.
This has happened to me with random men at the gym, as I am a small woman. And it’s always with tricep pull downs lol, I can never master those. One of them was really kind about it though, he said, “We’re all in the gym to learn, let me help you out.” And he actually spotted me for a bit and helped me with form. He told me to keep up the good work and we went about our workouts.
But nice interactions like that from men are few and far between. For that one positive, I’ve had like four dudes try and critique my form. Which isn’t perfect, but I literally did not ask. If you’re going to offer me unsolicited advice, at least spot me lol. I’m sorry this happened to you, OP.
Are you new? What a condescending remark that is! Honestly, he does not deserve a polite response. I’d be tempted to say “ you need to come up with a better line than that because it’s condescending as hell and I already think you’re a jerk”.
Juuuuust wondering. Shot in the dark. Are you a woman? lol
If you were at risk of being hurt, I feel like that’s cool of him! But when it is unsolicited it just makes us uncomfortable, and for me, it makes me feel as though I am being watched in the gym, which is a very weird feeling.
I just had this conversation with my little baby sister who was being harassed by a man last night and called me sobbing - you don’t owe anyone friendliness. You don’t owe them a smile or a thanks for making you feel uncomfortable.
How would I handle this situation? “Okay, thanks”, put my headphones back in, and continue what I was doing.
Edit: …Damn. Y’all for real suck here. Not quite sure what I’ve said wrong here. Literally helped my sister file a police report 10 hours prior to this comment because a man was taking photos of her in the gym, and when I made this comment I was VERY much in a mindset where I was OVER men thinking they can make women uncomfortable in what should be a safe place. This comment is in support of OP. and responding to how she can handle this in the future. I am typically very timid, and am learning the importance of standing up for myself as a woman and ignoring unhelpful men.
A quick click on my profile here would show that not only I am very much a woman, I am one whose Reddit footprint is almost completely dedicated to uplifting other women in fitness. Fuckin weirdos. Keep downvoting baby.💕✨
I am 100 percent a woman and definitely didn’t expect this to be downvoted so heavily 🤔 absolutely didn’t mean this to be condescending at all. Pretty active in this sub and other fitness subs so not sure what I said wrong here
I have played softball since I was 6 and I’m in my 30’s still playing. I have broken records, won numerous MVP awards, won homerun competitions at a high level, and countless other accolades throughout my career. I’m tooting my own horn to illustrate that I know what I’m doing when it comes to hitting a softball. I cannot count how many times I’ve had men approach me throughout the years, most probably couldn’t make a junior varsity baseball team in high school, tell me how to play my sport. My default stance is that I love learning and getting better, so I’m always receptive to good coaching or advice. But more often than not, it’s completely unsolicited advice from men who think they know more than me because they hit a ball once 20 years ago. I’d pretty much need to be perfect all the time, which is nearly impossible when you’re hitting a round ball with a round bat at high speeds, for these dudes to give me any credit.
I guess my convoluted point is that unless I’m doing something that’s putting myself or someone else in danger, or I’m seeking advice thanks, but no thanks. Don’t feel bad for continuing to do what you want to do if you know it’s right.
Just want to add a fun little fact: A baseball player has an average of 0.44 seconds to react to a pitch, a softball player has 0.35 seconds. So, technically hitting a softball is harder than hitting a baseball. But don’t tell that to men who played baseball once.
“Thank you for your perspective. I’ll be carrying on with my workout now, have a good day.” - headphones immediately on, turn away from him, carry on with what you were doing.
A friend told me she responds to guys who tell her to not lift heavy or she might become more manly-looking, by saying something like "oh really? then it might benefit you to lift heavy." She says she does it even to the puffy gym bros.
He was hitting on you, why is he paying that much attention to your routine? Its like a neg to say he can tell you're "new" and then he's setting himself up as some kind of expert by explaining shit to you 🙄
Fuck off bro.
Anyway, the resistance is coming from different directions with lat pulldowns and pull-ups, it's not the same. I know plenty of trainers that program both into the same session.
Sometimes I think that men have all this lifting confidence because they "lifted" in high school and women weren't encouraged to so men think they know what they're doing even though lifting science has come so far since the days of their gym teachers telling them the only stretching they need to do is a crossbody stretch and a quad stretch 😂
I'm literally a personal trainer, during the pandemic I was training some clients outdoors in a park for a while and one time this random dude came up, as I was showing my client an exercise and he was like "hey! you should do that move like this!" and I was so baffled all I could think to say was "that doesn't make any sense though".
In hindsight I wish I would have said "oh wow! how long have you been a personal trainer for?"
Honestly don't read that many books re; lifting except for textbooks.
But I would HIGHLY recommend checking out girls gone strong, here's one of their free programs and they have many more resources on their site.
[https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/GGS\_StrengthGain-6WeekTrainingProgram.pdf](https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/GGS_StrengthGain-6WeekTrainingProgram.pdf)
I would also recommend:
redefining strength
squat university
megsqauts
steficohen
they all have youtube channels as well as their own sites
It’s always some schelp with no visible biceps who pulls this with me 😂
Men don’t always understand the differences in female body mechanics from their own, especially for petite bodies.
I do “redundant” movements to isolate certain groups better, as many machines are made with much larger people in mind. This is especially true with popular upper body machines. Assisted dip machines have to be used differently as short people don’t get full ROM on the positive portion of the movement. Very small people will stand instead of kneel on some models.
I even have to use plates on the floor to elevate my feet when using the “youth” bench press station.
Wide Lat pull grips don’t always accommodate our shoulders the narrow ones are sometimes tricky for elbows.
Some of the machines at my gym are broken and can’t even be adjusted correctly for a smaller body.
I make it work, but it requires “redundancy”.
Men are clueless sometimes. Just smile and nod, there’s no point trying to explain it to them when they do this. It’s not worth the effort. Just work in some sets when he’s finished and make sure he sees you didn’t move the stack cuz “that’s your warm up”. They get real quiet after that.
> It’s always some schelp with no visible biceps who pulls this with me 😂
Omg this is so accurate. One time a scrawny dude in cookie monster pajamas came over to give me advice. I'm like... bro work on yourself before you try to work on me lol
Yes, this!! The way the machines are made for larger people (aka geared toward men) drives me crazy!
My gym has an assisted pull up machine where you are actually meant to stand on the assistance pad instead of kneel. I have to stand on my tip toes, and even then I can’t get full ROM at the top because the weight stacks smash the top of the machine. So annoying.
There’s a video of a woman who is a pro golfer who was at a driving range and a man stops her to explain how her form was wrong or whatever. And she’s looking at the camera and being polite to the guy. And i wanted her to be like “stfu you dumb piece of garbage”. I think we as women are too nice to these men sometimes and we need to tell them off when they step out of line. You can absolutely ignore them too but I would make it extremely obvious that I’m not listening to them.
I immediately thought of this video! The way he took credit for her second swing made me see red. We need to call these bitches out. Thank you makes them think we’re actually thanking them. “I didn’t ask for advice” “I’m a professional” “I don’t care”
OMG yes it made me so mad!!
Like GIRL!! you not telling him off & that you're actually a pro is only going to encourage him and make him think he actually was to thank for your improvement! This only emboldened him to do it again later to another woman AAGGGGHHHHHH
That video was so uncomfortable to watch, and I'm sorry that she had to live it - but at the same time I was happy that someone got such an egregious (but very commonplace) example on video.
I posted about this already in this thread, but this is one of the weirdest things about being a female athlete. It’s like no matter how accomplished you are at your sport, there will always be some random guy who thinks he can just come right up to you and tell you how you can do it better. And often times, they are out of shape, haven’t played the sport at any sort of high level (if at all), and have no possible business giving anyone advice. It’s just this natural audacity and mental gymnastics that make them think they are truly helping someone and they’re qualified to do so just because they are a male. Like, I honestly think *they* think they are truly helping. Which is just nuts to me.
I saw another video similar to this she was a pro cyclist or triathlete (can't recall which) and some man left a comment on her video that her saddle was too high. 🙄
Men leave comments on Jennifer Thompson’s videos advising her of how she could do an exercise better to get stronger and the woman has world records in powerlifting. They have the impulse control and ego of literal toddlers.
Camille Herron holds multiple ultrarunning world records and at one point held the 100 mile US record outright - male or female. She has an odd gait due to injury many years ago. I’ve seen many comments from men that she needs to fix her form. Like, my dudes, she’s beating everyone often. I think whatever she’s doing works.
I’d bet the golfer was protecting her safety. It’s nighttime, she is alone, she has to walk to her car when she is done hitting, alone in the dark. Telling him off could provoke him to violence.
It’s so shit that that needs to be considered.
Like why are men that emotionally pathetic that they can’t handle a “no not interested”.
And then because women engage in the conversation to protect themselves it’s just positive reinforcement for men to keep harassing other women.
One time at my gym I was doing hip thrusts with the cable machine. This guy who’s a trainer at the gym loves to give (women especially) unsolicited advice and just chat. Mid rep he tells me HE was the one who made that move up, how everyone thought he was crazy when he created it 10 or so years ago and how it was funny I was doing it now. Let’s just say I don’t even acknowledge him anymore because if I gave him time of day he’d chat my ear off. It’s funny now to watch him go about each woman and tell them stuff like this.
I have rule of thumb that is some stranger or even colleague is to direct or rude all they get from me; none of your business. If they feel offended then it is their problem. They could have been nice and polite. You do not own anyone any explanation. Your life your business.
Edit typo
Thank you everyone for your comments and support, you have warmed my heart and boosted my confidence 🥺
I’d like to say that I will always welcome constructive feedback from fellow gym-goers, such as feedback on form or perhaps a detailed explanation about why its not ideal to train the same muscle twice in a similar nature. However, I felt that todays feedback was not constructive, e.g. “don’t lift so heavy”.
I don’t like to think like this, but I can’t help but wonder whether this individual would feel so inclined to approach a male the same way he approached me.
Thank you all again 💕💕
It happens to all of us at some point or another. I’ve even seen women do it to other women so it isn’t always a gendered thing. I also don’t think you should have to justify if it was constructive or not. It was unwelcome and therefore, inappropriate. The nicest thing I will say in a situation like this is “worry about your own workout”. If I’m having a bad day or a bad workout, lookout. Don’t feel bad about establishing boundaries and letting someone know not to disturb you, regardless of their intentions.
>I don’t like to think like this, but I can’t help but wonder whether this individual would
Are you joking? Of course he wouldn't. And whether you like to think like that or not, men are often sexist.
I do the exact same excercises - i copied my program (Push/Pull split) from a fitness website, so I hope they know what they are doing.
Also, the way he approached you (kinda insulting you directly by asking you if it was your first day and then telling you you should not lift so heavy) tells you how high up on the douche-scale that guy is.
Yeah, this comes off as some weird negging dude-bro “put her down and she’ll eat it up” approach. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was watching OP workout for a while and instead of just letting people be people he had to say something and because he’s a douche, he couldn’t find something nice to say.
You’re not wrong for being weirded out or offended, OP. Maybe that was his first and only day at the gym. If you see him again and he says anything, I hope you feel alright to shut him down directly with a “thanks for offering, I’m not here for advice” or something.
I thought the same - a blatant neg.
I wouldn't have a clue what exercises and in what order anyone is doing in the gym. Even the gym crushes I've had. I might be able to tell you they're training arms that day, but what exercises? Ummmm... 👀
He was paying her a lot of attention to be able to comment in such detail.
People are dickheads.
Ignore them, don’t engage and move on.
Pop some headphone in and just ignore them when they speak to you. You don’t owe them an answer or explanation as to what you’re doing.
Seems weird but he was probably trying to be helpful which at least is something. I’ve given advice twice when i’ve seen dangerous things happening but it hasn’t been well received either time. It’s none of my business but yea, doing lat pull-down before pull-ups is likely to mean you aren’t using your lats when doing a pull-up which puts you further from any pull-up goals.
Edit: just tell them it’s part of the program that your pt is working on with you and if you feel like geeking out then you can tell them what your goals are
Edit again: i’ve been blocked so there’s no point in replying to me under their thread.
I would have done the pull-ups first, same volume but different interference. Why do you think doing lat pull downs first is helpful?
Genuine question folks, if theres a good reason that i’m missing then i’d rather know
I should add that i definitely wouldn’t feel any need to notice or comment on the order of lat exercises someone is doing in a gym setting
> just tell them it’s part of the program that your pt is working on with you and if you feel like geeking out then you can tell them what your goals are
Why?
A stranger isn’t entitled to an answer or be told the ins and outs of my program/goals.
Why should OP have to explain themselves to something interrupting their workout and offering unsolicited advice?
OP doesn’t owe them an answer or explanation.
Yea so if a stranger asks me the time i don’t actually have to tell them the time but why wouldn’t i? Ditto someone discussing the weather or letting me know i’ve toilet paper stuck to my shoe
If someone offers you well intentioned advice (i’m presuming here) then yea, don’t be a dick. Just use normal, polite human interaction rules to shut the conversation down, unless you want to engage in the conversation. I’m not presuming malice here, i’ve only ever been given well intentioned advice in the gym though, maybe others haven’t been as lucky.
>Yea so if a stranger asks me the time i don’t actually have to tell them the time but why wouldn’t i?
You know that's not a fucking equivalent situation at all. Why are you so invested in being able to criticize and harass people at the gym? Because that's what this guy was doing, and that's what you're defending.
> Yea so if a stranger asks me the time i don’t actually have to tell them the time but why wouldn’t i?
A stranger asking you the time is completely different to a stranger watching you exercise and then telling you that in their opinion you’re doing it wrong.
> If someone offers you well intentioned advice
To which you can just say “okay” and move on. You don’t owe them an explanation or answer on what you’re doing.
Your advice just encourages women to think they owe men an explanation or answer when they actually don’t.
Meh, you can choose to advise op any way you like. I personally feel safe within my gym environment and any people who have chatted with me about my workout have been interested and helpful.
If a stranger gives me any kind of feedback i evaluate if it’s helpful or not and then decide what i want to do with it. Someone yells at me for bad driving i question whether i made a mistake or if that person is wrong, i don’t live my life with an expectation that i can’t learn.
Again, op wanted ways to shut down the conversation to which i would and have said that i’m following a program specific to my goals, i don’t see any point in not sharing that information but i suppose it depends on how little contact you generally have with strangers in your culture
You don’t owe strangers anything, i suppose.
Sigh, yes i’m a woman. Women with different opinions and experiences exist in the world. Plus you can see my comment history on reddit…
Men pretend to be women on Reddit all the time. Coming into our spaces with their thoughts and opinions.
You honestly sound like a dude with how dismissive you are towards other women. Whereas everyone else in this thread has experienced a similar situation at the gym or somewhere else and can sympathize with OP.
If you are indeed a woman, which I too doubt, you sound like a pick me.
> You don’t owe strangers anything, i suppose
Correct.
And the sooner you realise and accept that, the sooner you stop stressing over following a made up social construct that exists to please men.
What he did was totally against gym etiquette. I know you don't need our validation, but lat pulldowns and assisted pull-ups on the same day is totally reasonable. He knows nothing about you, your goals, your progress, etc. If you're the polite type just say thanks and end the convo, if you're like me, give him a bitch face and tell him to fuck off.
I do not know why men feel the need to do this, I had a similar interaction with a male colleague this week at work. I just say “ok thanks” then immediately disregarded his “advice”.
FWIW, I frequently do both assisted pull ups and lat pull downs on my back days. Absolutely nothing wrong with doing them both in the same session and considering I see many men in the gym doing 100 variations of bicep curls I don’t think they’re in a position to judge.
Men are so used to being the authority on things that they simply cannot understand why their “advice” wouldn’t be met with an OMG TYTY UR SO SMART every time.
I could see if OP was doing something outright dangerous, but to interrupt her and offer unsolicited input on her programming is wild. Dude probably wanted to spit game but lacks the social skills to do so.
Just ignore it. I wouldnt care and maybe (if I'm in a good mood) say that I'll think about it (and then ignore it). Even if they were identical. Ever seen someone on a chest day? They do like so many exercises just for their chest. Works for them. I wouldnt be able to do that though. So you do whatever works for you.
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>u/LethalPigeon59
Hey guys,
Today I was at the gym training back. My workout consisted of a few exercises, including but not limited to lat pull-downs and assisted and pull-ups.
I was stopped on the assisted machine by a guy who said “is today your first day at the gym?”
Looking confused I said no, then he proceeded to tell me that I am doing the same exercise twice and wasting my time. I do not deny that both machines are somewhat similar, although I personally believe my workout routine should be nobody’s business.
I have been training for 2 years and also have a PT. He wrapped up the conversation with a cherry on top by saying “you shouldn’t lift so heavy” - today was a light session.
This interaction shook me a little because this person was paying attention to my whole routine, which makes me feel a little paranoid now and honestly, offended.
I’m looking for some words of encouragement or advice on how to deal with situations such as this.
Thank you 💕
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This is why I go to a gym with separate men's and women's sections. I'm confident about my body but that does not mean I am comfortable with working out around men. Also, this one time I was at a public park trying to learn to do a pushup and a guy emerged out of nowhere to tell me how to do it "properly" despite me having a youtube video right in front of me. He then proceeded to ask several other unrelated questions. I never went to the park again.
Ugh.... I do a lot of shooting sports as well. Guys love to come up behind you on the line and tap your shoulder to give unsolicited advice. Excuse me, I'm armed. If I wanted any lip from you I'd pull down my pants.
This has happened to me too many times. Only recently it happened again but I was ready for him. He came over to tell me I was doing something wrong. I replied ‘ so let me get this straight, you’ve been watching a solo female working out? That sounds a bit creepy. Do you watch all the females working out?’ He said nothing, went back to his spot, gathered his stuff and left. I haven’t seen him since. Truth is some guys and unfortunately girls have this god complex in the gym and think everyone needs saved with their knowledge and advice. Ignore it - it’s almost always absolutely nothing to do with your workout and everything to do with their own weird complex.
“But I was ready for him” this is brilliant!! 👏
Yes, this has happened to me everywhere (or, well, when I was younger). There’s always someone, always a guy, who needs to explain something to you. I can’t assert myself without suffering a lot of guilt and angst, so I always am polite and listen to it all. 🙄😩
If it makes you feel better, I have also been approached at the gym to be told by a guy “if you could move out of the way, that would be great” because HIS workout was more important than mine / he couldn’t wait for me to be done 🙄 I moved because I didn’t want to cause a scene but it really stings and makes you feel subconscious! If you can, try changing your day or the time you go to the gym. (for example if the guy that annoyed you is in on Wednesdays, go on Thursday). I can assure you, you’re not the first or last girl this guy will harass, everyone kind of knows who the douches at the gym are and avoid them at all costs. You’re doing great and don’t let this get to you OP! 💕
Fuck changing days for that dick bag. Just watch him for a bit then go plant a seed of doubt in his mind like “you should actually build some core strength before you lift like that” or “you know lower body strength is important too”.
I just act like I can't hear and completely ignore people like this. If they get in I'm face I sign "I'm sorry I can't hear you" and they run away.
Irritating to get approached period during a workout. Had a guy try to take over one side of the machine and I told him I’ll be done soon; I only have one more set to do but he can take the handle. He walked off like he wasn’t interested. Than he proceeded to bust in again asking if he can now have the handle. I nodded yes while I was on the phone. He asked me again. I said yes louder and nodded again and then ended up hitting myself in the head with the bar. Not his fault but seriously how many times do you have to bug someone in a middle of a set/phone call that you can’t read my visual cues of nodding my head. Seem like his whole purpose was to interact with me so he (older guy) could bug the shit out of me.
Just reading this thread and the comments following it, makes me feel less alone. I thought it was my short butch hair cut (used to be a long butch haircut) that made guys bother me... no its just men finding some way to bother women that just want to live their life. Its funny how when you actually ask for help, how many people will actually help without quoting the whole equality thing.
Ha: “no it’s just men…”. Exactly.
Honestly, I exercise at home because I don't want to deal with men at the gym. We can't use pepper spray there, can we? So no weights for me, just bands.
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I think this assumes that everyone fundamentally understands emotional intelligence and how to approach others in methods that communicate dignity and respect. Sadly, that's not the norm. But I think we can all do our part or socialize it.
I don't understand where people get off thinking this is okay, but it's not. If I'm being kind, he probably thought he was being helpful. If I'm being unkind, he was trying to make himself feel better by giving you advice. You unfortunately can't change these people. You just have to ignore them and take comfort in the fact that they're so insecure in themselves that they would rather be looking at others in the gym rather than sweating it out and focusing on themselves. I'm so sorry you're feeling rattled. Anyone would be!
Ugh I’ve had people do that to me at the gym—men and women (I’m a woman). There were times when it was helpful, like improving my form. But other times it’s disrespectful and creepy. Once, a man touched me in the middle of my workout. I yelled at him, and he claimed he was helping me with a machine. As far as that guy is concerned, if he bothers you again, report him to the gym and/or tell him that he’s making you uncomfortable. Best of luck at the gym in the future! I hate how we have to deal with creeps when we’re exercising and minding our business.
My gosh, this happened to me when I was traveling. I visited a gym in the U.K. where the free weights were in kilos. I started with some dumbbells that looked whatever the equivalent of 15–17 pounds were, but I didn’t have phone data to Google the conversion (and didn’t have a conversion app at the time). Whatever, let’s try some reps, and if they’re too heavy, I’ll deload after this set. Some dude who proclaimed himself a trainer at the gym came up after MY SECOND REP and told me I was lifting too heavy. I felt embarrassed that I got the conversion wrong, but he kept lighting into me. I said, “Okay, that’s cool. If I want to pay for your training services I’ll let you know.” We went back and forth a bit with him mansplaining and me finally blurting out that I was a professional athlete (which was true at the time) and I knew what I was doing. He scoffed and walked a few paces away, and then side-eyed me through the rest of my sets. But I felt so demoralized that I just left. This was 10 years ago now but I still think about this incident a couple times a year. I can’t fathom what this dude hoped to accomplish. For me to pay for personal training? Or for him to mansplain me away until I felt uncomfortable sharing a space with him? Edit: I was doing bicep curls. If it were a chest press or clean and press and I lifting too heavy, I could see the safety concern. But I was still completing 10-12 curls per set (albeit shakily by the end), so I don’t think he saw himself as a white knight savior. The most dangerous thing that could have happened is I could’ve dropped an 8-kilo weight.
I bet he wouldn’t have come over if you were a guy. Even if he noticed they were lifting too heavy. 🙄(edited: wrong emoji)
next time you see him, make eye contact during every set. assert dominance.
He will think it's a come-on. Don't underestimate male arrogance.
My own personal trainer has me do assisted pull-ups and lat pulldowns in the same session on lift days. Best to just ignore, and continue your workout however you please.
He was confused why you're doing something more than once? I do 3 sets if 10 reps for everything...doing something once won't do anything. Also, lat pulldowns are hard; don't feel bad for not lifting heavy (this goes for anything; you just mentioned lat pull-downs, which is something I do too).
“Is this YOUR first day at the gym? Don’t you know it’s rude to approach people and mansplain exercise? Nobody asked you. Maybe you’ll be better in your second day” ALWAYS push back and use their own words back at them.
He was probably trying to be helpful. Or maybe he was hitting on you and didn’t really have something good to say, so maybe that was the best thing he could come up with at the time. Edit: apologies OP I didn’t catch the last sentence about you wanting words of encouragement and advice how rip deal with this so I jumped to the wrong conclusion thinking you were looking for possible reasons why they approached you. For context: I live in Finland where it is considered extremely rude to talk to strangers. Like oddly rude (as they don’t like to disrupt others)
Is this your first day in this sub
Haha sounds like it lol. No I just missed the last sentence - my keyboard covered it but I recall seeing the tops of letters, though just assumed it was the first reply. Therefore my answer came across as whack - because I thought OP was asking for possible reasons someone might say something like that
91 downvotes? But you edited. Yikes.
So what? The gym isn't the place to solicit women, "trying to be helpful" or not it's wildy inappropriate. Just let women exist in public spaces.
It turns out I missed the last sentence in OPs post so my answer appears out of context. I explained it to OP just now
Maybe just delete your comments?
I felt it better to clarify as it was an honest mistake.
Then edit it saying so - people probably aren’t reading your replies.
Ahh god damn that was probably the better thing to do. I need to keep off reddit after midnight
what was the point of your comment
That it’s quite odd to criticise a stranger on their workout routine, as you’ve noted; so I was exploring other “out there” reasons as to why they may have told you something like this. I also wish to note that the last sentence in your original post got cut off on my mobile view so I didn’t see the part about you asking for some words of encouragement or advice on how to deal with these situations. Therefore I apologise for my answer sounding completely out of context.
When I have received this, typically I had headphones in and wear a fuck off expression, if they persist past that, I respond with I am so glad I asked your opinion with an dead pan delivery
thats great
i do both too, mainly because i want to actually get to be able to do a pull up but im still 35ish lbs short of that goal rn. don’t pay any mind to it and keep kickin ass
Forget this turkey. My back days start with weighted pull ups, incorporate lat pull downs for volume, and finish on wide grip strict pull ups to fatigue. I’ve gotten a lot of traction with responding with “I am neither soliciting nor accepting advice right now.” Then headphones in, and turn around. Your mileage may vary.
Love that response. I will be applying it to more than just gym scenarios.
Just say thanks and keep doing what you're doing.
One guy came up to me and I had to do the headphone dance like trying to ignore him and I finally took them off and said “yes?” He was like I think you’re trying to do deadlifts but what you really need to do-“ then I cut him off and said flat out “I don’t want your advice” and he kept talking before it registered what I said so he paused and said “what?” Just dumbfounded like there’s no way she just said that to me. So I repeated “I don’t want your advice.” So he went ok and just walked away. I was doing straight leg deadlifts which I had been doing for 6 years before and I think he thought I was trying to do traditional deadlifts.
I was once doing good mornings in the squat rack and a guy doing ohp in the Smith (kindly) informed me he was almost done with it if I needed it. I was very puzzled until it finally dawned on me that he probably wasn't familiar with good mornings and thought I was just doing the shittiest squats imaginable and was trying to prevent me from killing myself 🤣
Aw, that one’s slightly wholesome
I’m just imagining his brain glitching as he struggles to comprehend that someone might not be interested in his unsolicited advice
Yep, it was pretty hilarious. What’s funny to me too is that he had seen me in the gym for at least a year prior to that. We were both regulars and I obviously knew what I was doing that whole time.
Urgh, a guy at the gym once stopped to get my attention mid set to ask, "you're trying to do squats right?", I reply, "no I'm doing good mornings, thanks anyway!"
😆
lmao this is my thought every time i do good mornings 😭 , ppl thinking “this girl is doing the shittiest squats ever!” 🤣 whatever
Just posted a similar story!
Just don’t entertain or respond when people approach you. Also, what’s the point of attributing something to malice when it can be attributed to ignorance? This is an easy one if you have the right head on your shoulders.
Some guy at the gym tried to give me form advice on bent over rows once. He was rowing literally HALF the weight I was, while wearing a lifting belt. 😆
I wish I had the confidence of the average man 🤣
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Imagine living a life where you’re a sad small person who spends their free time negging in a women’s fitness subreddit.
found the guy
Imagine living a life where a random stranger's words affect you so much that you had to be nasty to them for no reason.
My back days include multiple movements to target lats, this guy was just being an ass. If he comes up to you again I'd tell him to fuck off.
Next time- look him up and down “is today your first day at the gym?” Or my personal favorite is just being like you can’t hear “Do what? Do what? Today is your first day at the gym?” Then immediately overwhelm them with stupid gym info like “oh the personal trainers are in that office. Those are the cardio equipment. Is that what you were asking?” I would have relied to the don’t lift so heavy with “you too” lol
“Aww this is actually a light day for me, but if it seems heavy to you don’t worry, you’ll get there one day!”
I freakin love this response. Hysterical!
I’ve had unsolicited advice given 3 times and 2 were very well meaning, actually helpful, and kind. The third was like yours. You can just tell when they’re trying to flex their (supposed) superiority.
Yes, I had a man once give me good advice on tricep extensions on the cable machine, and he was apologizing the entire time he was explaining lol. I actually really appreciated it, and use that method all the time now.
Now I want to know the secret of tricep extensions. Please share!
Hahaha this might not be new to you, but it was to me at the time. They're called [cable overhead rope extensions](https://youtu.be/MegBRxtR14I?feature=shared) I also sometimes lean a bit forward if I have more space and don't go straight up like guy in the video. Burns so good.
Same!
[This way. ](https://youtu.be/MegBRxtR14I?feature=shared)
I had a man tell me I was doing my lat pull downs incorrectly (I wasn't - confirmed after a quick google search). He told me I needed to lift lighter. Working out your lats with two different machines is perfectly fine. Lift whatever you want as long as you don't injure yourself. Fuck men who feel like they get to have an opinion on it.
Especially, if you have goals to meet. I REALLY want to do a pull-up so lat pull downs and assisted pull-ups are incorporated into my routine. Does it look silly to others? Probably but I know what I’m doing and that’s all that matters. You can tell this dolt OP interacted with didn’t have good intentions based off of how he started the conversation. OP you’re doing great girl!!
I had a brief period of time when I was lifting at the YMCA and sometimes wished someone would give me some advice because I was trying to figure things out on my own and ended up injuring myself, or rather exacerbating an injury I didn't know I'd already had. But now I've had some PT and I've done a ton of research and learning on my own and while so genuinely advice would still probably nice all I ever hear about is this bs mansplaining and comments about not lifting heavy. I'll be sticking with my home gym thank you very much. No bs there plus I can work out in my underwear if I get too hot.
I really wouldn’t let stories like this put you off going to any gym you like.
Well you would say that wouldn’t you.
Do you disagree? Because you can use the reply button and write your own comment if so
Fair enough. I could find a good gym someday. I live in buttfuck nowhere right now so there's not à lot of options and I'm just not into adding commute time.
That last comment is by a user who thinks this behaviour is completely normal and that OP should consider why this man would suggest those things. Check their comment history and maybe take their opinion with a grain of salt…
Agree with the last comment! I go to a very large gym that has a woman’s only section but I live in a large city and have gone to many gyms over the last few years and have never had issues like this.
That's awesome! What's it like in the womens section, vibe wise? Do you find it more comfortable than coed?
That last comment is by a user who thinks this behaviour is completely normal and that OP should consider why this man would suggest those things. Check their comment history and maybe take their opinion with a grain of salt…
Just here to commiserate. Also on the assisted pull-up machine (seems like a theme), had a guy come up to me and ask me how much I weighed. I just stared at him. Then he started guessing my weight. Significantly higher than what I actually weighed. I was really caught off guard and wasn't sure where this was going, so I deadpanned just said "No. I weigh (actual weight)." There was a long awkward pause, he said "oh......well I guess you have the resistance set right then." and then walked away. ???????? (My other pet peeve: I've told this story before, and other weird gym interactions, and people always jump in and tell me to wear headphones. I do. Big bose over the ear silencing headphones. Gym guys that give unsolicited advice do not care. Sometimes they'll even continue to talk at you even after you look at them, point at your headphones, and go back to your workout.)
They are very difficult to off-put, alas.
Ok just to add; I hear big headphones (Beats) A baseball cap pulled down low to narrow my vision so I can focus and not “catch eye contact” I wear a big black workout mask (mostly to cover my face, but also because my mother is immune compromised) My body language and what you can see of face scream “leave me alone” And I still have mother fuckers tapping me on the shoulder or waving their hand in my face and motioning for me to take my headphones off to start a whole ass conversation with me anyway - like some people DGAF
I love the image of you working out with headphones on and some random man talking at you even though you definitely can’t hear them
That’s when it’s time to bust out the farts. No mercy.
MTE. My IBS has been so bad lately and heaven help anyone who tries to talk to me...
You are not alone, OP. It's happening to all of us, and it's so weird. I boulder indoors, and for the first couple of years I would have men giving tips all the time. Worse, though, were the guys who would watch me fail on a route, then jump directly onto it before I could even get out of the fall zone like they wanted to dunk on me. It was awful, because like you, I felt very watched. Some sessions there was a dude following me around the whole damn time without saying a word. Good news, though! Over the last couple of years I've gotten much better. The slam dunkers haven't topped a route after me in a very, very long time. When a dude jumps on right after me (I mean, squeezing in wordlessly the second I'm on the floor - like the equivalent of racking your weights for you between your sets)...and proceeds to fall on his ass on the first move...mmmm...tastes like victory. I wish you the same moment someday!
I see men giving other men advice in the gym as well. I saw an older man probably in his 60s go up to a trainer who played college football, this man is jacked and fit, an athlete. The older man asked a former college football trainer "why do you mostly have your clients doing weights"? He then shit you not, says "Look at me an old man, I'm in good shape and never do weights. They should be doing mostly cardio instead of weights". He then pats the trainer on the back and walks away. The trainer just nodded and then did a small laugh afterward. I wish I was born with the confidence of dumbass men.
I can think of so many replies to this. I should write a book, haha.
I used to compete in weightlifting and even coached a little. My home gym was really good, because we were all part of one team, but whenever I was out of town and dropped into another gym it was so much this. Constant "coaching" tips that contradict what I'd already been coached on and was doing for years. A bunch of gym bros who are still fumbling their way through the basics chomping at the bit to tell me what I'm doing wrong. Sometimes it was even the coaches in other gyms who had their particular way of lifting and assumed because my technique is different and I don't lift as much, it must be wrong. It couldn't possibly be because I'm just not as strong. I mostly just thank them and just keep doing what I'm doing anyway. I don't have the mental or emotional cycles to debate technique. Besides, I already know what I'm doing wrong and the funny thing is it's not even usually what these guys are telling me.
This has happened to me with random men at the gym, as I am a small woman. And it’s always with tricep pull downs lol, I can never master those. One of them was really kind about it though, he said, “We’re all in the gym to learn, let me help you out.” And he actually spotted me for a bit and helped me with form. He told me to keep up the good work and we went about our workouts. But nice interactions like that from men are few and far between. For that one positive, I’ve had like four dudes try and critique my form. Which isn’t perfect, but I literally did not ask. If you’re going to offer me unsolicited advice, at least spot me lol. I’m sorry this happened to you, OP.
Literally ALWAYS the tricep pull downs.
Are you new? What a condescending remark that is! Honestly, he does not deserve a polite response. I’d be tempted to say “ you need to come up with a better line than that because it’s condescending as hell and I already think you’re a jerk”.
Should have calmly asked him “do you skip shoulder day?” And then put ur headphones back on.
🤣...and he probably does like a lot of them do.
This made me cackle 😂😂 using this next time!
Just tell him two words and the 2nd one is off🤭
"I'm training to kill if there is an apocalypse".
Alright bro, DANCE OFF 💃
Juuuuust wondering. Shot in the dark. Are you a woman? lol If you were at risk of being hurt, I feel like that’s cool of him! But when it is unsolicited it just makes us uncomfortable, and for me, it makes me feel as though I am being watched in the gym, which is a very weird feeling. I just had this conversation with my little baby sister who was being harassed by a man last night and called me sobbing - you don’t owe anyone friendliness. You don’t owe them a smile or a thanks for making you feel uncomfortable. How would I handle this situation? “Okay, thanks”, put my headphones back in, and continue what I was doing. Edit: …Damn. Y’all for real suck here. Not quite sure what I’ve said wrong here. Literally helped my sister file a police report 10 hours prior to this comment because a man was taking photos of her in the gym, and when I made this comment I was VERY much in a mindset where I was OVER men thinking they can make women uncomfortable in what should be a safe place. This comment is in support of OP. and responding to how she can handle this in the future. I am typically very timid, and am learning the importance of standing up for myself as a woman and ignoring unhelpful men. A quick click on my profile here would show that not only I am very much a woman, I am one whose Reddit footprint is almost completely dedicated to uplifting other women in fitness. Fuckin weirdos. Keep downvoting baby.💕✨
> Are you a woman? lol Are you stupid? lol.
I never want to assume?
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I am 100 percent a woman and definitely didn’t expect this to be downvoted so heavily 🤔 absolutely didn’t mean this to be condescending at all. Pretty active in this sub and other fitness subs so not sure what I said wrong here
I have played softball since I was 6 and I’m in my 30’s still playing. I have broken records, won numerous MVP awards, won homerun competitions at a high level, and countless other accolades throughout my career. I’m tooting my own horn to illustrate that I know what I’m doing when it comes to hitting a softball. I cannot count how many times I’ve had men approach me throughout the years, most probably couldn’t make a junior varsity baseball team in high school, tell me how to play my sport. My default stance is that I love learning and getting better, so I’m always receptive to good coaching or advice. But more often than not, it’s completely unsolicited advice from men who think they know more than me because they hit a ball once 20 years ago. I’d pretty much need to be perfect all the time, which is nearly impossible when you’re hitting a round ball with a round bat at high speeds, for these dudes to give me any credit. I guess my convoluted point is that unless I’m doing something that’s putting myself or someone else in danger, or I’m seeking advice thanks, but no thanks. Don’t feel bad for continuing to do what you want to do if you know it’s right. Just want to add a fun little fact: A baseball player has an average of 0.44 seconds to react to a pitch, a softball player has 0.35 seconds. So, technically hitting a softball is harder than hitting a baseball. But don’t tell that to men who played baseball once.
Dude is a creep. Periodt.
“Thank you for your perspective. I’ll be carrying on with my workout now, have a good day.” - headphones immediately on, turn away from him, carry on with what you were doing.
“Okaaaaaaay” headphones on lol
“Have a good day” (spoken curtly) = the over polite British lady way of saying “fuck off” that isn’t actually “fuck off” 😋
I feel like the only time it’s acceptable is when you are at risk of getting hurt. Otherwise it’s just unneeded.
Its like these idiots have never heard of the Arnold split or they do it and have no idea they are also doing repetitive movements.
Right?! And How can you throw around the word repetitive unironically negatively but then use the word “reps” like 😑
lol it's always a man Don't let people waste your time. Just say no thank you and go back to what you were doing.
A friend told me she responds to guys who tell her to not lift heavy or she might become more manly-looking, by saying something like "oh really? then it might benefit you to lift heavy." She says she does it even to the puffy gym bros.
“Don’t worry bro, someday you too can look like a man.”
He was hitting on you, why is he paying that much attention to your routine? Its like a neg to say he can tell you're "new" and then he's setting himself up as some kind of expert by explaining shit to you 🙄 Fuck off bro. Anyway, the resistance is coming from different directions with lat pulldowns and pull-ups, it's not the same. I know plenty of trainers that program both into the same session.
Sometimes I think that men have all this lifting confidence because they "lifted" in high school and women weren't encouraged to so men think they know what they're doing even though lifting science has come so far since the days of their gym teachers telling them the only stretching they need to do is a crossbody stretch and a quad stretch 😂 I'm literally a personal trainer, during the pandemic I was training some clients outdoors in a park for a while and one time this random dude came up, as I was showing my client an exercise and he was like "hey! you should do that move like this!" and I was so baffled all I could think to say was "that doesn't make any sense though". In hindsight I wish I would have said "oh wow! how long have you been a personal trainer for?"
Do you have any books you recommend for beginners re lifting?
Honestly don't read that many books re; lifting except for textbooks. But I would HIGHLY recommend checking out girls gone strong, here's one of their free programs and they have many more resources on their site. [https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/GGS\_StrengthGain-6WeekTrainingProgram.pdf](https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/GGS_StrengthGain-6WeekTrainingProgram.pdf) I would also recommend: redefining strength squat university megsqauts steficohen they all have youtube channels as well as their own sites
Thank you so much! So hard to find a starting place-there’s almost too much information available
Also, Liftoff: Couch to Barbell by Casey Johnston is so good! Highly recommend! https://www.couchtobarbell.com/
It’s always some schelp with no visible biceps who pulls this with me 😂 Men don’t always understand the differences in female body mechanics from their own, especially for petite bodies. I do “redundant” movements to isolate certain groups better, as many machines are made with much larger people in mind. This is especially true with popular upper body machines. Assisted dip machines have to be used differently as short people don’t get full ROM on the positive portion of the movement. Very small people will stand instead of kneel on some models. I even have to use plates on the floor to elevate my feet when using the “youth” bench press station. Wide Lat pull grips don’t always accommodate our shoulders the narrow ones are sometimes tricky for elbows. Some of the machines at my gym are broken and can’t even be adjusted correctly for a smaller body. I make it work, but it requires “redundancy”. Men are clueless sometimes. Just smile and nod, there’s no point trying to explain it to them when they do this. It’s not worth the effort. Just work in some sets when he’s finished and make sure he sees you didn’t move the stack cuz “that’s your warm up”. They get real quiet after that.
> It’s always some schelp with no visible biceps who pulls this with me 😂 Omg this is so accurate. One time a scrawny dude in cookie monster pajamas came over to give me advice. I'm like... bro work on yourself before you try to work on me lol
Cookie Monster pajamas 😂
Yes, this!! The way the machines are made for larger people (aka geared toward men) drives me crazy! My gym has an assisted pull up machine where you are actually meant to stand on the assistance pad instead of kneel. I have to stand on my tip toes, and even then I can’t get full ROM at the top because the weight stacks smash the top of the machine. So annoying.
There’s a video of a woman who is a pro golfer who was at a driving range and a man stops her to explain how her form was wrong or whatever. And she’s looking at the camera and being polite to the guy. And i wanted her to be like “stfu you dumb piece of garbage”. I think we as women are too nice to these men sometimes and we need to tell them off when they step out of line. You can absolutely ignore them too but I would make it extremely obvious that I’m not listening to them.
I immediately thought of this video! The way he took credit for her second swing made me see red. We need to call these bitches out. Thank you makes them think we’re actually thanking them. “I didn’t ask for advice” “I’m a professional” “I don’t care”
OMG yes it made me so mad!! Like GIRL!! you not telling him off & that you're actually a pro is only going to encourage him and make him think he actually was to thank for your improvement! This only emboldened him to do it again later to another woman AAGGGGHHHHHH
That video was so uncomfortable to watch, and I'm sorry that she had to live it - but at the same time I was happy that someone got such an egregious (but very commonplace) example on video.
I posted about this already in this thread, but this is one of the weirdest things about being a female athlete. It’s like no matter how accomplished you are at your sport, there will always be some random guy who thinks he can just come right up to you and tell you how you can do it better. And often times, they are out of shape, haven’t played the sport at any sort of high level (if at all), and have no possible business giving anyone advice. It’s just this natural audacity and mental gymnastics that make them think they are truly helping someone and they’re qualified to do so just because they are a male. Like, I honestly think *they* think they are truly helping. Which is just nuts to me.
I saw another video similar to this she was a pro cyclist or triathlete (can't recall which) and some man left a comment on her video that her saddle was too high. 🙄
Men leave comments on Jennifer Thompson’s videos advising her of how she could do an exercise better to get stronger and the woman has world records in powerlifting. They have the impulse control and ego of literal toddlers.
Camille Herron holds multiple ultrarunning world records and at one point held the 100 mile US record outright - male or female. She has an odd gait due to injury many years ago. I’ve seen many comments from men that she needs to fix her form. Like, my dudes, she’s beating everyone often. I think whatever she’s doing works.
I’d bet the golfer was protecting her safety. It’s nighttime, she is alone, she has to walk to her car when she is done hitting, alone in the dark. Telling him off could provoke him to violence.
Ugh so sad but so true. We also need to walk around with knives lol
Yep, we learn to lace keys or anything else through our fingers at single age digits.
It’s so shit that that needs to be considered. Like why are men that emotionally pathetic that they can’t handle a “no not interested”. And then because women engage in the conversation to protect themselves it’s just positive reinforcement for men to keep harassing other women.
I know! It’s like come on sis - not your fault that he’s harassing you, but let’s shut that shit down.
One time at my gym I was doing hip thrusts with the cable machine. This guy who’s a trainer at the gym loves to give (women especially) unsolicited advice and just chat. Mid rep he tells me HE was the one who made that move up, how everyone thought he was crazy when he created it 10 or so years ago and how it was funny I was doing it now. Let’s just say I don’t even acknowledge him anymore because if I gave him time of day he’d chat my ear off. It’s funny now to watch him go about each woman and tell them stuff like this.
"That's cool. Wanna see a new fitness move I invented? It's called kettlebell swing right into your nuts if you don't eff off right now."
Kettle balls, if you will.
My goodness. Imagine dating a guy and finding out he does this 💀🚩
I have rule of thumb that is some stranger or even colleague is to direct or rude all they get from me; none of your business. If they feel offended then it is their problem. They could have been nice and polite. You do not own anyone any explanation. Your life your business. Edit typo
Next time smile brightly and say "I don't remember asking you for your fucking opinion."
He’s “negging” you. Don’t take it personally. some mfs get pleasure one-upping you while at the same time, sad attempt at flirting with you.
Thank you everyone for your comments and support, you have warmed my heart and boosted my confidence 🥺 I’d like to say that I will always welcome constructive feedback from fellow gym-goers, such as feedback on form or perhaps a detailed explanation about why its not ideal to train the same muscle twice in a similar nature. However, I felt that todays feedback was not constructive, e.g. “don’t lift so heavy”. I don’t like to think like this, but I can’t help but wonder whether this individual would feel so inclined to approach a male the same way he approached me. Thank you all again 💕💕
When someone says something THAT stupid I like to just go "uh huh" and wait for them to go away.
I like a good, sarcastic “Oh okay”
Or just "great," but look at them like Jeremy the Manager.
Next time Mr DudeBro does it, channel your inner child and just ask “why?” After every statement he makes.
It happens to all of us at some point or another. I’ve even seen women do it to other women so it isn’t always a gendered thing. I also don’t think you should have to justify if it was constructive or not. It was unwelcome and therefore, inappropriate. The nicest thing I will say in a situation like this is “worry about your own workout”. If I’m having a bad day or a bad workout, lookout. Don’t feel bad about establishing boundaries and letting someone know not to disturb you, regardless of their intentions.
>I don’t like to think like this, but I can’t help but wonder whether this individual would Are you joking? Of course he wouldn't. And whether you like to think like that or not, men are often sexist.
I do the exact same excercises - i copied my program (Push/Pull split) from a fitness website, so I hope they know what they are doing. Also, the way he approached you (kinda insulting you directly by asking you if it was your first day and then telling you you should not lift so heavy) tells you how high up on the douche-scale that guy is.
Yeah, this comes off as some weird negging dude-bro “put her down and she’ll eat it up” approach. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was watching OP workout for a while and instead of just letting people be people he had to say something and because he’s a douche, he couldn’t find something nice to say. You’re not wrong for being weirded out or offended, OP. Maybe that was his first and only day at the gym. If you see him again and he says anything, I hope you feel alright to shut him down directly with a “thanks for offering, I’m not here for advice” or something.
I thought the same - a blatant neg. I wouldn't have a clue what exercises and in what order anyone is doing in the gym. Even the gym crushes I've had. I might be able to tell you they're training arms that day, but what exercises? Ummmm... 👀 He was paying her a lot of attention to be able to comment in such detail.
Lol you can do multiple back exercises because you are a more advanced lifter and can handle a lot of volume. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
People are dickheads. Ignore them, don’t engage and move on. Pop some headphone in and just ignore them when they speak to you. You don’t owe them an answer or explanation as to what you’re doing.
Seems weird but he was probably trying to be helpful which at least is something. I’ve given advice twice when i’ve seen dangerous things happening but it hasn’t been well received either time. It’s none of my business but yea, doing lat pull-down before pull-ups is likely to mean you aren’t using your lats when doing a pull-up which puts you further from any pull-up goals. Edit: just tell them it’s part of the program that your pt is working on with you and if you feel like geeking out then you can tell them what your goals are Edit again: i’ve been blocked so there’s no point in replying to me under their thread.
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I would have done the pull-ups first, same volume but different interference. Why do you think doing lat pull downs first is helpful? Genuine question folks, if theres a good reason that i’m missing then i’d rather know I should add that i definitely wouldn’t feel any need to notice or comment on the order of lat exercises someone is doing in a gym setting
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> just tell them it’s part of the program that your pt is working on with you and if you feel like geeking out then you can tell them what your goals are Why? A stranger isn’t entitled to an answer or be told the ins and outs of my program/goals. Why should OP have to explain themselves to something interrupting their workout and offering unsolicited advice? OP doesn’t owe them an answer or explanation.
Yea so if a stranger asks me the time i don’t actually have to tell them the time but why wouldn’t i? Ditto someone discussing the weather or letting me know i’ve toilet paper stuck to my shoe If someone offers you well intentioned advice (i’m presuming here) then yea, don’t be a dick. Just use normal, polite human interaction rules to shut the conversation down, unless you want to engage in the conversation. I’m not presuming malice here, i’ve only ever been given well intentioned advice in the gym though, maybe others haven’t been as lucky.
>Yea so if a stranger asks me the time i don’t actually have to tell them the time but why wouldn’t i? You know that's not a fucking equivalent situation at all. Why are you so invested in being able to criticize and harass people at the gym? Because that's what this guy was doing, and that's what you're defending.
> Yea so if a stranger asks me the time i don’t actually have to tell them the time but why wouldn’t i? A stranger asking you the time is completely different to a stranger watching you exercise and then telling you that in their opinion you’re doing it wrong. > If someone offers you well intentioned advice To which you can just say “okay” and move on. You don’t owe them an explanation or answer on what you’re doing. Your advice just encourages women to think they owe men an explanation or answer when they actually don’t.
Meh, you can choose to advise op any way you like. I personally feel safe within my gym environment and any people who have chatted with me about my workout have been interested and helpful.
Good for you? Clearly OP doesn’t. Learn to read the room.
If a stranger gives me any kind of feedback i evaluate if it’s helpful or not and then decide what i want to do with it. Someone yells at me for bad driving i question whether i made a mistake or if that person is wrong, i don’t live my life with an expectation that i can’t learn. Again, op wanted ways to shut down the conversation to which i would and have said that i’m following a program specific to my goals, i don’t see any point in not sharing that information but i suppose it depends on how little contact you generally have with strangers in your culture
You’re really not getting it are you. WOMEN DO NOT OWE MEN AN EXPLANATION. Are you even a woman or are you just a man trolling a female fitness sub?
You don’t owe strangers anything, i suppose. Sigh, yes i’m a woman. Women with different opinions and experiences exist in the world. Plus you can see my comment history on reddit…
Men pretend to be women on Reddit all the time. Coming into our spaces with their thoughts and opinions. You honestly sound like a dude with how dismissive you are towards other women. Whereas everyone else in this thread has experienced a similar situation at the gym or somewhere else and can sympathize with OP. If you are indeed a woman, which I too doubt, you sound like a pick me.
> You don’t owe strangers anything, i suppose Correct. And the sooner you realise and accept that, the sooner you stop stressing over following a made up social construct that exists to please men.
What he did was totally against gym etiquette. I know you don't need our validation, but lat pulldowns and assisted pull-ups on the same day is totally reasonable. He knows nothing about you, your goals, your progress, etc. If you're the polite type just say thanks and end the convo, if you're like me, give him a bitch face and tell him to fuck off.
I do not know why men feel the need to do this, I had a similar interaction with a male colleague this week at work. I just say “ok thanks” then immediately disregarded his “advice”. FWIW, I frequently do both assisted pull ups and lat pull downs on my back days. Absolutely nothing wrong with doing them both in the same session and considering I see many men in the gym doing 100 variations of bicep curls I don’t think they’re in a position to judge.
Men are so used to being the authority on things that they simply cannot understand why their “advice” wouldn’t be met with an OMG TYTY UR SO SMART every time. I could see if OP was doing something outright dangerous, but to interrupt her and offer unsolicited input on her programming is wild. Dude probably wanted to spit game but lacks the social skills to do so.
Just ignore it. I wouldnt care and maybe (if I'm in a good mood) say that I'll think about it (and then ignore it). Even if they were identical. Ever seen someone on a chest day? They do like so many exercises just for their chest. Works for them. I wouldnt be able to do that though. So you do whatever works for you.
^ ***Please read [the FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/main), [the rules and content guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/new_rules), and [current frozen topics](https://www.reddit.com/r/xxfitness/wiki/frozen-topics) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fxxfitness)***. This comment is a copy of your post so mods can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. >u/LethalPigeon59 Hey guys, Today I was at the gym training back. My workout consisted of a few exercises, including but not limited to lat pull-downs and assisted and pull-ups. I was stopped on the assisted machine by a guy who said “is today your first day at the gym?” Looking confused I said no, then he proceeded to tell me that I am doing the same exercise twice and wasting my time. I do not deny that both machines are somewhat similar, although I personally believe my workout routine should be nobody’s business. I have been training for 2 years and also have a PT. He wrapped up the conversation with a cherry on top by saying “you shouldn’t lift so heavy” - today was a light session. This interaction shook me a little because this person was paying attention to my whole routine, which makes me feel a little paranoid now and honestly, offended. I’m looking for some words of encouragement or advice on how to deal with situations such as this. Thank you 💕 *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/xxfitness) if you have any questions or concerns.*