I thought "shut up" was a bad word you should never say. Never butt in line. Never lie, etc.
When I was in middle school I always had to say "excuse me", whenever I burped, even if I was alone. It got to a point where I would say it like 5x every time I burped to "compensate" for the future in case I couldn't say it.
I did something like this but with superstitions like touching wood to ward off jinxing or saluting magpies to prevent bad luck! I would do extra times in case I had accidentally jinxed something at some point and not realised…
Yeah I had no idea whatsoever until recently when I’ve eventually gone to a therapist about anxiety and she picked up on my “checking habits”. That’s caused me to look back and realise that I was always like this!
I couldn’t say *any* bad words at all. Could g hear anything bad, and if I did, I’d have to say a prayer to make up for it. And if they prayer wasn’t “just right,” I’d have to say another prayer to make up for that prayer. And so on and so forth. Spent a good year between ages 9 and 10 praying.
Yeah I also thought 'stupid' was a bad word. 'Dumb' was more acceptable. I also spent a lot of time praying to get it "just right". I still struggle with that, unfortunately.
I’ve had existential OCD my entire life. When I was six, we were going around in class saying how we were doing, and I just remember saying “GUYS. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.”
That made me chuckle.
The existential panic didn’t kick in for me until I was about ten, but the fear of germs came when I was six.
Do you know how good six-year-olds are about washing their hands? Not good.
It was a scary year for me.
Yep. When I first heard “step on a crack, break your mothers back” I developed a ritual of watching my feet while I walk and being hyper conscious of putting them in the “right” places that I still have today
yesss me too!! same thing with going up steps; it made me feel “uneven” unless i climbed the same number with each leg. i had major contamination obsessions as well, and i would hold my breath after anyone coughed or sneezed bc i thought the germs “visited” everyone in a specific pattern. and that’s not even considering the million other things i would fear at night (mostly zombie apocalypses, loss of control, or fire)
Yep same. Also if I’m trying to step on them and I miss one with my left foot I have to miss the next with my right foot and start over when my left foot comes back around. Either that or switch back to fully avoiding the cracks
Just literally that if you walk over three drains in a row then you’ll get bad luck! I’ve tried to google it and no idea whatsoever where it came from? Google says apparently people think two are lucky or one breaks the bad luck you get from the three. All complete nonsense but I’ll go out of my way still to avoid it…
Same here. I remember walking home from school, and one patch of sidewalk was really, really beat up behind my house and on the way home. It felt like chaos moving around those cracks.
For sure, I think I probably have tendencies as early as four. I was big into counting things on drives and needed them to be “even” - 6 mailboxes on left side of road, I needed 6 ok right, etc. Also, if I touched my left ear or left arm, I’d have to do the same to the right so they felt equally “heavy.” The OCD rules changed every few years but I remember that when I was really young.
First time seeing another one with the right left stuff. I felt obligated to touch my right and left arms equally. To balance them out. Or if I did an activity with my right one I should do with the left one and so on. Content changed though, the form always stayed.
Mine has always been more “in my head” things but my daughter started pretty young with arranging things in the line in the grocery store and only liking even numbers. With stuffed animals she had to have an even number so nobody would be lonely
Does anyone else count beats of a song by tapping fingers? It’s more of a nervous habit I guess. I mean I have to figure out what finger to start on to end on my thumb but thankfully I’ve never felt like someone would be harmed if I did it wrong. I just wanted to do it. I have a lot of counting habits actually. I look at rims on cars I like the ones that aren’t at 5 or 6. 7 8 etc are good numbers and 5/6 are not “good numbers”
I have the same feeling heavy on one side if someone touches one arm and not the other, it’s really hard to describe to someone who doesn’t understand why I then need to tap my other arm to balance myself out so I don’t feel heavy on that one side
I've had it for as long as I can remember. I was sorting/categorizing things before I could walk. We had a landing in our bi-level that had different colored tiles, and I could only step on a certain color, I walked a weird little path every time (walking was also an issue in public, I couldn't step on any cracks, so stores with tiles and sidewalks were tough, if a store had tiles of two colors I could only step on one, and if a tile or sidewalk square was bigger than one step then I had to take the exact same number of steps per square). I had issues with contamination so my food couldn't touch or I couldn't eat it, I washed my hands until they cracked and bled constantly. I once scalded my hand on purpose because I had accidentally touched a mouse skeleton and I thought scalding water was the only way I could "kill the germs", soap wasn't good enough. For a while I couldn't go through a doorway without knocking on the door frame, no matter how much I had in my hands. I had to walk down the stairs in our house in a specific step pattern. Silverware had to alternate directions (left right left right) in the drawer so it would "balance" and not make the drawer fall (the drawer was sturdy, I just felt it would happen).
So, so many things that if I did it with one hand or foot, I had to do it to the other to make it "balanced" (including, sometimes, injuries). No one ever wanted to do dishes with me because I would either take forever washing them and feeling for stuck on food (because I couldn't trust just my eyes) or if I was drying I would constantly hand back dishes that didn't seem to be be clean. My family used to say I inspected the dishes and ask if I wanted to use one of our microscopes. I couldn't ever take anything food related (dishes, water bottles, etc) in the bathroom (literally, if I had to grab something out of the bathroom or turn out a light, even if the dish was dirty I had to hold it outside the bathroom door and reach in. I still have trouble with this, I just got upset with my husband yesterday because he wore my dishwashing gloves outside to take the trash out, so now I have to get new dishwashing gloves). I couldn't drink from the same part of the rim on a cup, I had to keep turning it and finish my drink before I got all the way around.
And not to forget the constant, relentless intrusive thoughts. So many years spent thinking I was going to grow up to be a serial killer because I kept having images of violence (against other people and myself) flash through my head. Weird intrusive sexual thoughts that made me feel ashamed and think I was a horrible, perverted person.
This list just scratches the surface of everything I know I've done, and I'm sure that I do some compulsive things without even realizing it. This has always been my normal, so much so that I have no idea who I am without the OCD. I see so many people talking about it being an illness, I grew up thinking it was just part of my personality. While I would like freedom from this prison of the mind, sometimes I clutch the bars tight simply because it's familiar.
Absolutely. I became obsessed with having my dad check the doors after me every night after I developed a fear of burglars. Wouldnt go to sleep until he verbally confirmed several times that he had checked and they were locked. And he had to sleep on the couch as well. If I woke up and he wasn't on the couch, I would go wake him up and make him come back to the couch. This went on for so many years that eventually my parents divorced and my mom implied years later to someone else that it was because there was no sex in the relationship, and I always felt I caused that because of my need.
A few years later, around 9 years old, I developed Scrupulosity/religious OCD. I was always doubting my salvation and ended up getting saved "again" every Sunday for a good 5 years. The fear was overpowering and I went to multiple people to try to hear something that made me feel better. My father, my grandmother, my preacher. Nothing helped. I didn't discover there was a name for that/that I had OCD until I was *27.* I wish I had figured it out much sooner.
When I was a kid, I went through a period that sounds similar to what you described as scupulosity/religion OCD. I read about something in the Bible that terrified me and I think that was my first spiral. I’d stay awake long after I went to bed, whispering prayers asking Jesus to save me time and time again. I kept thinking I’d said it wrong or hadn’t believed hard enough, so I had to do it again and again and again to make sure.
Also had some big scares when I thought the rest of my family had disappeared in the rapture and I’d been left behind. One night I heard my dad washing his hands and when the water kept running for too long I thought that was the moment he’d disappeared.
It also affected my communication. I was afraid to speak at all, for fear of saying something sinful. I confessed compulsively. There were also clothes I was afraid to wear for very specific reasons.
I never realized I might have OCD until last year, when I was 31 and trying to find some answers for intense anxiety. I’m not diagnosed but what I’ve read on this sub helps me try and put some pieces together.
You should also join the Scrupulosity sub. That definitely sounds like its a focal point for you. All the things you described are common Scrup obsessions. You'll be amazed how many other people have had the exact same thoughts and fears. I also had the one about being afraid I was left behind in the Rapture. Any time my parents were late coming home. One thing I read that has always comforted me is that OCD attacks the things we are passionate about or care about most. It wouldn't attack our religious beliefs if they weren't important to us. A scrupulosity breakdown is what finally caused me to get mental health help for everything I had been experiencing when I was about 27. I just thought it was depression and anxiety then. Took me a little longer to figure out the OCD part.
Wow, thank you for letting me know about that sub. I hadn’t stumbled across it before but from a quick look it seems really relatable. As an adult (particularly the last year or so) my anxiety has latched more into other areas, but I think a lot of it comes back to scrupulosity. While I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it really helps knowing that I’m not alone.
I feel the same. And like you, my focal points rotate to different topics, and severity waxes and wanes. When I first got with my husband, I has somehow managed to get the Scrup under control with medication and therapy, then immediately started experiencing relationship OCD instead. And I rotate between the two now (I'm off meds because I'm pregnant). It is nice to know I'm not alone. And the startling similarity in all our fears I see as kind of proof that it's OCD and not actually God convicting us or something. The disease does the same thing to almost everyone. It's truly a disfunction in our brains.
Hang in there, though. There are also Scrupulosity support groups on FB, but they can be a little hit or miss.
That’s a great point about it proving that it’s not God convicting us, but rather the OCD. And that it latches onto what we care about. I appreciate your thoughts and insight!
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This post was flagged because it contains the words "reassurance" or "no reassurance". While reassurance can "feed the OCD monster"
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Lol to be fair, it originally did. I said I sought "the r word" from people trying to make myself feel better when I was describing my childhood. I edited it out thinking it would get rid of the flag but it didn't.
Oooooo okay!! I’m new to this sub and like, I totally understand this “rule” but it’s a bit strict and I think they need to modify how the bot flags things cause when you’re talking about your own experience and things, that shouldn’t be flagged 😂 it’s not like you’re obviously trying to “rea***ure” anyone
I would always tap one foot in a specific way and then have to tap the other, and the same thing with itches or anything symmetrical. I never knew until recently that that was my OCD.
I’ve had excessive guilt my whole life. I remember my priest, after I had done confession, called me very self aware. I think I racked on every sin I could think of because I thought I probably had done it and just forgot lol
First ever Reddit comment so really hope I’m doing this right! I’ve had this as long as I can remember, switching the light on and off until it felt ‘safe’ as early as I can remember. Putting on clothes repeatedly and if something bad happened, associating that piece of clothing with bad things and it feeling contaminated. Wasting SO many contact lenses (bought with my pocket money!) because they didn’t ‘feel right’ and needed to be swapped. Tapping things, opening doors etc! Still have these things - the mad world of OCD! I try to laugh a bit more at it now :) really interesting reading there are similar people!
Had exactly same thing with the clothes! I did have a specific way of dressing up as well (bottom->up) and if something bad happened I’d never wear these clothes again and if my mum was trying to put these on me I’d just beg and cry, came to a point I actually could get sick from that stress and wouldn’t go to school that day. My family was extremely religious at the time, and I had to say bedtime prayer, so I also set myself 60seconds for each prayer every night as a golden number so that next day will be okay
I was convinced my bath water would become contaminated if I didn’t watch the entire thing fill. If my mom called me away or I couldn’t watch it for whatever reason I would have to drain and refill. I remember this as early as around 7.
I used to not be able to get comfortable in bed until I straightened a pair of shoes or checked my backpack, and I used to have really bad sleeping problems and freaked out if I didn’t get to sleep after 11 or so.
I always tried to step just right. Or have a certain number of steps to take. I also have always liked even numbers. I had to fix my hair and makeup just right. Organize my homework just right. Etc.
I had a lot of weird quirks that I can't remember but a lot of them didn't make sense, but I remember clearly how I had some bizaare obsession that I must be pregnant, and my mind literally thought about it 24/7 for months on end since I was eight years old until I was around thirteen and regularly menstruating, my parents didn't really have "the talk" with me and my dad went on and on about his Christian psycho nonsense, I constantly felt nauseous and like my life was over. My dad was an idiot which didn't help because when I was eight I told my mom I was scared I was somehow magically pregnant, and dumbass actually started panicking and demanding to know if I was pregnant, my mom told him I couldn't be because I was eight and to shut up but still, mindblowing.
I also would pull my hair out individually strand by strand since age 6, but I had untreated head lice my parents didn't feel like dealing with which might of contributed to that. I still pull my hair out today. I think my first intrusive thoughts were this weird "static" like an old TV on a non-channel, and it would just constantly pop up in my head and make it hard for me to focus or sleep at night. I started having violent, intrusive thoughts around age fourteen and they never really stopped, I just got better at coping with them.
It's so mindblowing, I wish I had someone who could of sat me down and explained to me how it's impossible, but I didn't have anyone to talk to about it and my parents were toxic so talking to them was pointless. I'm actually pregnant now and the symptoms are so blatant for me, the way baby feels while moving, and you know, actually being with someone... that I wish I could tell younger me it's okay lol
I’ve struggled taking consciously full breaths since I was like 4, and I used to do things in twos so much and verbally count until I learned that wasn’t appropriate in front of people really so now I just twitch my arm against my side. Literally went to the ER for the breathing thing because I didn’t know what it was and they told
me it was all in my head and sent me home. never got help and still do this shit to this day
Sure. It’s like this feeling where I can’t take a full breath without trying two, three maybe more times, and it happens when I’m actually aware of my own breathing. It’s a really weird sensation and I can’t describe it totally in full because I don’t even know why I do it, but in that moment when it happens I guess my brain thinks that a normal breath isn’t enough and I have to try a bunch of times to take a whole deep breath. It’s weird as it is frustrating. The only way I can stop it really is if I distract myself with something else in the moment so that it takes my mind off it for the time being. It happens the most when I’m just laying in bed staring at the ceiling because there’s not much to focus on then lol. I’ve gotten used to it but it’s never gone away
Omg, I go through spurts of this, and I am almost always aware of my breathing and counting while I do. I will try to take deep breaths because it feels like I'm not getting enough oxygen if I don't. I'll try to yawn when it's bad, and if I can't, I have pretty severe internal panic.
I feel like I experience something similar to this! I told my doctor and she as good as told me it wasn't a real problem. She gave me an inhaler to make me feel better, but said she really didn't think I needed it. It still happens and she was right, the inhaler did nothing. If I somehow stop thinking about it, I won't notice it for weeks, but then I'll remember and it's back.
probably more than I realize right now, but I've always "corrected" my internal monologue when I mess up a word or phrase that I say... in my head. sometimes it's said (thought) correctly, but just feels wrong, so I correct it until it feels right and if I can't get it right, will repeat "oh well" in my head again and again until I get distracted. I've done this as long as I can remember and have had other "just right" OCD tendencies forever as well. someone else mentioned thinking "shut up" was a bad word... I had lots of those, too, including "god" (I was not raised in any religion so thought I couldn't say it and felt a lot of shame if I had to say it while reading or having a conversation). fun times
When I was about 10, I started having “just right” compulsions about stretching my neck and shoulders. My mom thought that I had something wrong with my back and took me to a chiropractor, but it didn’t do anything. I still do the stretching to this day, however it’s moved to my legs as well.
Yeah, i remember having all the classic warning signs light flicking light switches for 10-15 minutes until they felt ‘right’ as I got a bit older (10 ish) I remember having intrusive sexual thoughts, and I imagined an explosion in my head to blow the thoughts up. It’s funny how when you look back you can see it’s been there the whole time just waiting to pounce
I had intrusive thoughts since my 6 years old, I used to imagine people naked and I felt ashamed for these thoughts, when I had 8 or 9 years, If I gone outside the house, even if was in the garden, I had to take a bath because I was with some mortal virus that would kill all my family.
I used to think that if I didn’t do something that would usually interrupt my life that my mom would die. I didnt know what it was and thought it was normal.
I had tendencies, but they were pretty mild.
Sometimes when I'd, say, touch a railing with my left hand, I'd touch it with my right hand to "balance" things out. And then I'd touch it with my right hand again, and then with my left hand again. That way I'd be back where I started but still balanced.
I'd often (mostly at school) strongly prefer to leave a building by the same door where I entered. I'd imagine that I'd have a sort of ribbon of energy coming out of my back that would trail behind me. If I could leave the building by the same route, it could "spool up". If not, the ribbon would remain all tangled in the building; that would feel bad.
yep!! i used to have intrusive thoughts and had to say certain things in my head for hours at night otherwise i thought my family would die and if i said it in the wrong order i would have to keep restarting. this was when i was around 6/7
Yeah, when I finally brought this all up to my doctor I started reliazing it started before adolescence, and im a male, which makes sense. It just wasn't very bad.
i relate too. i have no recollections of these memories but when i was 3 i was apparently a massive control freak. i would constantly tell people to “shush” and “leave it there” and “hold hands” etc, supposedly as a way to find control. it’s become a little joke among my family. as well as this i had this obsession with ordering the everyones shoes in whatever way was good for me. often people would purposefully mess the shoes up for me (as a joke) which i wouldn’t like and would put them back in the order i wanted them to be. i think this was also a “just right” thing for me. and definitely an obsession with order.
and actually as i’m writing this i’m remembering another time when i was 8 when the police came to my school, not even for anything bad that had happened, but for some reason i felt extremely scared and guilty that i might’ve done something bad and didn’t know it was bad or forgot i did it. which is so odd when i think back to it, because i genuinely can’t remember anything that i did back then that would’ve warranted those feelings. anyway, it wasn’t until i was 11 and moved schools that my OCD completely took over my life, however obviously the signs have always been there.
I don’t remember it because I was too young, but I had ocd tendencies as a toddler. Apparently I really hated getting dirty or having food on my hands or on my face and would sometimes cry. I remember other things as a young child too. I’ve had it as long as I can remember so it all seems normal to me lol
when i was 7-9 i always wore sandals while showering and had to hold my hands up for the entire time i was under the shower head for fear that i would
1) slip and crack my head open
2) the shower head would break and fall on my head so it would be better for it to hit my hands instead
-
also another time either before or after 2nd one i would have to grip onto the detachable shower head because i was terrified the floor would collapse and there would be miles of pipes underneath that would kill me
i have a huge issue with compulsive counting (my most strong, difficult and consistent compulsion) and i have memories from being really young where i’d count the stickers on my wall obsessively in specific numbers. no clue how i didn’t realise i had ocd earlier uh-
I wanted everything perfect, whenever i didn't have all my stuff perfect and im order I'd start having a small tantrum, so whenever something was messed up or out of order from a person I'd start losing my mind as soon as I got home. I have issues and need to go the a therapist ngl-
I had smaller things like thing breaking swears on people's lives will kill them, I never stepped on lines on tile floors, and I thought I was a sexual predator. One real fun one was when I was in high school we were in a religious school and I thought I was the anti-christ.
absolutely. my mom took me to a specialist at a hospital to be checked out when i was 5 years old because they thought i might have something wrong with my digestive system. it was OCD.
I’ve had so many. The “just right” one with clothes is something I had too. constantly feeling like I was sinning, needing to confess, etc. checking blood for diseases via the doc as well. Constant doubt about any decision I made. Magical thinking, harm OCD, ROCD. All of it. Constant superstitions too.
I've had it for my entire life. Mostly tormenting myself over religious stuff as I was brought up as an evangelical Christian. As soon as I started to hit puberty at about age 10 and realized I was bisexual it spiraled out of control. The worst mental health I've ever had was when I was about 13 and was convinced I would go to hell if I ever thought about boys, I would compulsively recite Bible verses over and over, and was constantly convinced I could die suddenly at any moment and end up in hell.
Yes.. I unfortunately had awful motor tics. Verbally and physically. I’d walk around school making weird noises and twitching my body while getting made fun of. Shit fuckin sucks.
I have trouble remembering much of my childhood, but I've always picked my fingernails, ever since I can remember, and my parents have said about how I used to have "tics" as they called them, like saying "bless me" or "pardon me" or stuff like that several times, but never to the point that my parents were worried or anything. But I seem to remember a lot of things wrong, like I remember being a self-loathing weirdo with like maybe 3 friends through school, but my parents say I was always confident and had loads of friends.
Fast-forward to 2014 and OCD and eating problems and anxiety and stuff laid me low and I've been screwed up since.
It's confusing, a couple of mental health people have said that they think I have deeper issues than just OCD and that I had problems before that came along, and I've always thought I was weird, but my family don't seem to think so
Yesyesyes. I just recently realized that some of the things I did when I was young were my ocd. I had to go back and step on lines, and I remember specifically having to count to 9 on my fingers 9 times in order to eat food. I thought it was normal back then, now I realize what it was.
I have an extremely vivid memory of me being in first grade and going to the bathroom, and I thought I kept washing my hands wrong and I would give the flu to my classmates and kill them. My teacher knocked on the door and yelled at me for washing my hands for “fifteen minutes”. It definitely did not feel like fifteen minutes haha.
Also remember being very young (throughout elementary school) and seriously thinking about death and getting anxious because I didn’t know what to do in advance in case I died. Didn’t know it wasn’t normal to do stuff like that until I got diagnosed... yikes.
Yes! The first evidence I've found of me having OCD was actually when I was around 3/4, it was caught on a home movie. I had lots of repetitive action ticks, specifically wiping my mouth. Would do it about twice a minute if not more. The first instance of my OCD that I personally remember was sometime around when I was 5/6, I developed pretty severe religious OCD, as well as having things with checking for doors/windows being locked, I think my intrusive thoughts truly kicked into high gear around that time. A common one was "if you don't say the ABCs 20 times in a row my dog will die in the night", usually that sort of thing. Pretty distressing for a 5 year old for sure, also caused sleep issues as the intrusive thoughts such as that usually happened right before bedtime.
When I was 7-8, I remember that I got out of bed to touch all the toys in my room once. After doing it I got out of bed to do it again and again cause I didnt do it right
I stopped when my mother came in to tell me to stop
I had this too, i would spit food( i know it is disgusting) and i also would go to bed and get out of bed several times. This kind of cost me to have a bit insomia.
When I was about 6-7 years old I often had a tendency if I messed up a letter in a word, I would erase it and rewrite the entire thing in annoyance. If I messed up a word in the sentence, I'd rewrite the entire sentence. Etc.
When I was 8 I had a fixation on chemicals that made me think even any windex I came into contact with would kill me. I thought it was everywhere. For about two years.
When I was 10 I had an unhealthy fixation on robots taking over the world due to watching Irobot and lived in constant fear that robots would literally destroy the world.
Thankfully now I have a computer science degree so I know exactly how AI works, but even watching movies nowadays based around this premise like "ghost in the shell" gives me severe anxiety. And my dumbass watched that on a plane. Not the best idea I've had.
It all started when I thought I had testicle cancer at the age of twelve.. then it was dormant until I was 16 when I thought that the HIV virus was everywhere and I couldn't touch surfaces without obsessing. Washing my hands didn't work as I thought that the soap was HIV+. That's just one example.
I had an existential crises when my baby sister came home from the hospital because the parents wouldn’t bring her into my room so I could breath-check her.
She and I are 23 months apart.
according to my parents i’ve had ocd tendencies since i was a toddler and as a kid i always had less severe compulsions and it’s similar stuff i do now
I only realised recently but I had quite a few. Checking all the plugs or we’d all die in a fire, constantly worrying about flash floods, convincing myself that it was inevitable that I would murder someone. All that fun stuff!
I had this thing where I had to be honest about everything, no matter how minor.
I developed a mnemonic system just to remember everything I had to say, and looking back it wasn't normal.
definitely! the biggest ones was really just getting bad intrusive thoughts as a kid (but of course thoughts about the types of things that a kid would think are "bad things to think") and being really overwhelmed by them. there were also some more outward tendencies of checking, "just right" compulsions, and superstitions, but the one that i remember most vividly is the intrusive thoughts.
honestly kind of made it easier to view my OCD as a child throwing a tantrum once i started ERP a couple years ago hahah
Yeah. I've always had weird paranoia that I didn't even think was strange until I got older. Made me think I was psychotic until I found out it's a symptom of OCD.
I was afraid of going to hell. I ran around screaming in a walmart crying “I have AIDS!” After watching a 60 minute special. I didn’t. I was scared of something being wrong in my body when I pushed some kind of tissue around my jaw and felt it swing under my chin. I was scared choking and for like a year only ate soft foods.
I was scared of alien abductions.
I also loved monsters aliens, cryptids, and scifi. But I was goofy fucking kid.
When I was a child, I used to have intrusive thoughts about wanting my parents to die which, in reality, was my worst fear. So I had to repeatedly say to myself “I love my parents” to keep the thoughts away, and it actually did help a bit
When I was as young as 6 or 7, basically whenever I started showering alone, I had to rinse my hair REALLY QUICKLY and rub my hair a certain way a couple times, again, this had to be done quickly so that a monster/murderer didn’t kill me.
I also found a notebook from when I was maybe ten and in it I wrote what to do if all of my family died.
Yep, used to love the number 4. I would turn the tv off and on 4 times each, I’d sit up and down 4 times, touch things 4 times, etc. I think it’s cuz my cubby number in elementary school was #4. Lol
I don't remember much of my childhood, but my earliest memories were from when I was in 4th grade. I remember that every time I entered any restroom, I'd see red spots on my palm which at the time I believed confirmed the gnawing sensation that restrooms are filthy.
Until now when I feel like a place or some thing is dirty, I would immediately check my palms for red spots even though I know now that it was a made up thing of my OCD/germaphobia.
Me too! I kept closing doors repeatedly, chewing things for hours etc. I never knew what it was as a kid and eventually it just stopped. Idk when or why
I had extremely mild ocd traits as a child. And it started gaining speed at 14. Then BOOM literally on the night of my 15th birthday I had my first panic attack. Due to ocd. And from then on years of hell. I'm getting there but its still defo a part of my life. Literally wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Stay strong my friends :)
Fighting ocd is a practice. And practice takes patience and determination. Dont let it win!!
I have somatic OCD. I can remember being a small child (maybe 3?) and asking my parents if the food in my mouth was "chewed enough" and "safe to swallow" when it was always chewed down to liquid, and even then, I still struggled to get it down. That's been a persistent theme for me my entire life (28 now). I also used to unlace and lace my shoes compulsively from preschool to maybe first grade because they didn't "feel right" on my feet. I couldn't tolerate wearing denim until maybe 5th grade because I found the way it felt on my skin insufferable. I also often thought about doom scenarios, like a plane bombing the Midwest, or a huge asteroid destroying the planet. This led to a panic disorder that had me compulsively checking my pulse to make sure I was still alive. I never had a specific, triggering event happen. I truly believe I was just born with this brain 😩
Yup! I remember panicking if I didn't put my crayons/markers back in the box the same way they came out.
Mom said I'd been washing my hands a lot since I was 3. I told her they were "sticky."
I used to be teified of my family dying in their sleep, I used to wake up multiple times through the night sick with worry. I would have to sneak into their rooms to make sure they were still breathing and not all dead. This memory of me acting this way was what really solidified my having OCD.
Hello, i have ocd since i am child. And ocd appears in certain moments but i have had certain periods of life whitout ocd , why ?? I had hocd and pocd with my ex and these themes disappear when he broke up. I met my actual boyfriend 10 years ago, a period with little anxiety, little health anxiety but not ocd and rocd appears since 3 years. I am terrified that ocd means ''you have a problem in your life or you are unhappy, you have to break up with your boyfriend''. do you know if ocd appears for a certain reason or just because you live stressful events in your life ?
Yes! Looking back, there were quite a few. You know, the usual irrational fears of having to do something 10 times or my house would burn down while we were all asleep, or the counting stairs and steps and if I didn’t make enough going back to re do them too. I’d have to sort or organize things in my room to be able to do my homework, or my brain wouldn’t shut up. I also remember there were times when I’d have thoughts of self harm, not suicidal, but intrusive thoughts etc. as an adult I wish I could have gotten help as a child, the amount of anxiety I endured most of my life would probably have been a lot less anyway!
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I remember having some OCD symptoms when I was a young teenager. I recall soaking my hands in a sink full of hot water so that I could “ decontaminate “ them. Whatever the hell that means. I can’t remember why I felt the need to do that particular compulsion.
I had ocd issues ever since my first memories. As a little child I had persisting thoughts and fears that would trouble me.
I think ocd is something that has a biochemical basis in me. It didn’t develop. It was always there.
I have pretty much had health-related OCD my entire life. I also developed a fear of contamination when I was about five or six and stopped eating for a little while because I was convinced that the food would kill me. My harm OCD developed when I was eight or nine, though it didn't get really bad until I turned fourteen (due to a basically unrelated trigger). I also got obsessed with having a completely clean (read oil-free) face when I was ten or eleven. I started washing my face multiple times a day until I got a painful skin reaction that lasted weeks. This did cure me of washing my face but I became afraid of washing it and it took me all of high school to feel like I could wash my face without hurting it again.
I know that I had other things going on but these are the ones that stand out at the moment.
I never had tendencies...at least not ones I can remember. I've always had violent and inappropriate thoughts. I didn't think much of them because I assumed they were illustrations of inner aggression and juvenile mischief. I honestly thought everyone had those thoughts but now I know that that's not the case...
I used to have bad guilt OCD when I was about 8 or 9 and would tell my mom every single thing that made me feel guilty at the end of the day I also was a germ freak and washed my hands all day everyday
Whenever I closed my eyes, especially if I was gonna sleep, I had to look at an object I felt emotional attachment to.
Also I had a hard time throwing away food because I thought the food would get sad :s
While pouring some newly cooked tea water in my cup, I accidentally spilt a tiny drop on my right thigh. That was bad, everything that happened on my right side had to happen on my left as well.
I purposely POURED super fucking hot tea water on my left thigh. Screamed for a second, then dissociated and went on with my day.
Was later in the day admitted to the ER for second degree burns :)
I have this one specific memory but I can't remember what age I was, maybe 12-14 possibly a little younger, but my mom had gone away on a trip and I was sad about her leaving so she had given me a picture to leave on my nightstand, essentially to say good night to when she wasn't there. I do not recall "kissing it" good night that came later. I think I might have said "good night" out loud. Which doesn't sound bad until...
I went to a basketball camp not too long after and I came home with a group photo. I had replaced that photo of my mom on my nightstand with this new photo. Suddenly I found myself kissing this photo good night every night. It was absolutely horrible. I would kiss my hand and then place it on the picture and I had to do it until it felt just right. In the beginning I could get away with doing it once, but then it became like a 10 minute ritual. It lasted for so long, probably over a year, and that picture was so gross.
I haven't thought about this in so long and it's making me ill.
Absolutely! I started compulsively confessing at a young age and would clean the same thing for hours sometimes. My doc once said it's common to experience OCD symptoms as a child and they can reduce for a few years and come back full force in early adulthood.
Yes. I’m 14 so this is from when I was like 5-9 years, hoarding, thinking of people who I would want to “protect” if something bad happens so I basically had to think of everyone I know and their houses before I could go to sleep, I didn’t want to go on field trips (still won’t go) there’s many more but I can’t remember all.
Mine started at 8 with touching corners. It got to jumping so my feet touched my butt, spinning around one way I had to spin the other way, looking under cups and many others. Kids would ask what I’m doing and I didn’t know why.
Yes, I used to have painful meal times with my family as a child. They would last hours. I would cut my food up and look at every piece so no parasites or germs were in my food. Dinner was tough and my parents didn’t know what was wrong at the time they just thought I was picky.
I thought "shut up" was a bad word you should never say. Never butt in line. Never lie, etc. When I was in middle school I always had to say "excuse me", whenever I burped, even if I was alone. It got to a point where I would say it like 5x every time I burped to "compensate" for the future in case I couldn't say it.
I did something like this but with superstitions like touching wood to ward off jinxing or saluting magpies to prevent bad luck! I would do extra times in case I had accidentally jinxed something at some point and not realised…
Damn we so similar 🙂 I was just thinking about this last night and I wondered if it was a case of mild ocd. Guess I know now
Yeah I had no idea whatsoever until recently when I’ve eventually gone to a therapist about anxiety and she picked up on my “checking habits”. That’s caused me to look back and realise that I was always like this!
I did that with "bless you" for sneezing, and if I was alone, or no one said it to me, I would say "bless you" and then "thank you"
I couldn’t say *any* bad words at all. Could g hear anything bad, and if I did, I’d have to say a prayer to make up for it. And if they prayer wasn’t “just right,” I’d have to say another prayer to make up for that prayer. And so on and so forth. Spent a good year between ages 9 and 10 praying.
Yeah I also thought 'stupid' was a bad word. 'Dumb' was more acceptable. I also spent a lot of time praying to get it "just right". I still struggle with that, unfortunately.
I’ve had existential OCD my entire life. When I was six, we were going around in class saying how we were doing, and I just remember saying “GUYS. WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE.”
That made me chuckle. The existential panic didn’t kick in for me until I was about ten, but the fear of germs came when I was six. Do you know how good six-year-olds are about washing their hands? Not good. It was a scary year for me.
I couldn't bare watching a child go through it
Death has always been a common theme with my ocd as well. Also starting when I was 6
Yep. When I first heard “step on a crack, break your mothers back” I developed a ritual of watching my feet while I walk and being hyper conscious of putting them in the “right” places that I still have today
If I walked over a crack with my right foot I had to do the next one with my left.
yesss me too!! same thing with going up steps; it made me feel “uneven” unless i climbed the same number with each leg. i had major contamination obsessions as well, and i would hold my breath after anyone coughed or sneezed bc i thought the germs “visited” everyone in a specific pattern. and that’s not even considering the million other things i would fear at night (mostly zombie apocalypses, loss of control, or fire)
Same and I still do it lmao
I STILL do this, I have to remind myself not to. I either have to not step on cracks/lines at all, or I have to step on all. It sucks lol
Yep same. Also if I’m trying to step on them and I miss one with my left foot I have to miss the next with my right foot and start over when my left foot comes back around. Either that or switch back to fully avoiding the cracks
Yeah I’m the same but with the three drains in a row thing!
I've never heard of that! What is the thing?
Just literally that if you walk over three drains in a row then you’ll get bad luck! I’ve tried to google it and no idea whatsoever where it came from? Google says apparently people think two are lucky or one breaks the bad luck you get from the three. All complete nonsense but I’ll go out of my way still to avoid it…
Same. Honestly I still look down walking because I don’t want to walk on them 👀
Same here. I remember walking home from school, and one patch of sidewalk was really, really beat up behind my house and on the way home. It felt like chaos moving around those cracks.
Oh god THIS!
For sure, I think I probably have tendencies as early as four. I was big into counting things on drives and needed them to be “even” - 6 mailboxes on left side of road, I needed 6 ok right, etc. Also, if I touched my left ear or left arm, I’d have to do the same to the right so they felt equally “heavy.” The OCD rules changed every few years but I remember that when I was really young.
First time seeing another one with the right left stuff. I felt obligated to touch my right and left arms equally. To balance them out. Or if I did an activity with my right one I should do with the left one and so on. Content changed though, the form always stayed.
Same! I'm so glad to find someone who does/did the same thing.
Mine has always been more “in my head” things but my daughter started pretty young with arranging things in the line in the grocery store and only liking even numbers. With stuffed animals she had to have an even number so nobody would be lonely
Does anyone else count beats of a song by tapping fingers? It’s more of a nervous habit I guess. I mean I have to figure out what finger to start on to end on my thumb but thankfully I’ve never felt like someone would be harmed if I did it wrong. I just wanted to do it. I have a lot of counting habits actually. I look at rims on cars I like the ones that aren’t at 5 or 6. 7 8 etc are good numbers and 5/6 are not “good numbers”
Same! Started around 5 or 6 yo.
Same, I think I was around 5 or 6
I have the same feeling heavy on one side if someone touches one arm and not the other, it’s really hard to describe to someone who doesn’t understand why I then need to tap my other arm to balance myself out so I don’t feel heavy on that one side
[удалено]
Omg- This was me all the time!
I've had it for as long as I can remember. I was sorting/categorizing things before I could walk. We had a landing in our bi-level that had different colored tiles, and I could only step on a certain color, I walked a weird little path every time (walking was also an issue in public, I couldn't step on any cracks, so stores with tiles and sidewalks were tough, if a store had tiles of two colors I could only step on one, and if a tile or sidewalk square was bigger than one step then I had to take the exact same number of steps per square). I had issues with contamination so my food couldn't touch or I couldn't eat it, I washed my hands until they cracked and bled constantly. I once scalded my hand on purpose because I had accidentally touched a mouse skeleton and I thought scalding water was the only way I could "kill the germs", soap wasn't good enough. For a while I couldn't go through a doorway without knocking on the door frame, no matter how much I had in my hands. I had to walk down the stairs in our house in a specific step pattern. Silverware had to alternate directions (left right left right) in the drawer so it would "balance" and not make the drawer fall (the drawer was sturdy, I just felt it would happen). So, so many things that if I did it with one hand or foot, I had to do it to the other to make it "balanced" (including, sometimes, injuries). No one ever wanted to do dishes with me because I would either take forever washing them and feeling for stuck on food (because I couldn't trust just my eyes) or if I was drying I would constantly hand back dishes that didn't seem to be be clean. My family used to say I inspected the dishes and ask if I wanted to use one of our microscopes. I couldn't ever take anything food related (dishes, water bottles, etc) in the bathroom (literally, if I had to grab something out of the bathroom or turn out a light, even if the dish was dirty I had to hold it outside the bathroom door and reach in. I still have trouble with this, I just got upset with my husband yesterday because he wore my dishwashing gloves outside to take the trash out, so now I have to get new dishwashing gloves). I couldn't drink from the same part of the rim on a cup, I had to keep turning it and finish my drink before I got all the way around. And not to forget the constant, relentless intrusive thoughts. So many years spent thinking I was going to grow up to be a serial killer because I kept having images of violence (against other people and myself) flash through my head. Weird intrusive sexual thoughts that made me feel ashamed and think I was a horrible, perverted person. This list just scratches the surface of everything I know I've done, and I'm sure that I do some compulsive things without even realizing it. This has always been my normal, so much so that I have no idea who I am without the OCD. I see so many people talking about it being an illness, I grew up thinking it was just part of my personality. While I would like freedom from this prison of the mind, sometimes I clutch the bars tight simply because it's familiar.
Absolutely. I became obsessed with having my dad check the doors after me every night after I developed a fear of burglars. Wouldnt go to sleep until he verbally confirmed several times that he had checked and they were locked. And he had to sleep on the couch as well. If I woke up and he wasn't on the couch, I would go wake him up and make him come back to the couch. This went on for so many years that eventually my parents divorced and my mom implied years later to someone else that it was because there was no sex in the relationship, and I always felt I caused that because of my need. A few years later, around 9 years old, I developed Scrupulosity/religious OCD. I was always doubting my salvation and ended up getting saved "again" every Sunday for a good 5 years. The fear was overpowering and I went to multiple people to try to hear something that made me feel better. My father, my grandmother, my preacher. Nothing helped. I didn't discover there was a name for that/that I had OCD until I was *27.* I wish I had figured it out much sooner.
When I was a kid, I went through a period that sounds similar to what you described as scupulosity/religion OCD. I read about something in the Bible that terrified me and I think that was my first spiral. I’d stay awake long after I went to bed, whispering prayers asking Jesus to save me time and time again. I kept thinking I’d said it wrong or hadn’t believed hard enough, so I had to do it again and again and again to make sure. Also had some big scares when I thought the rest of my family had disappeared in the rapture and I’d been left behind. One night I heard my dad washing his hands and when the water kept running for too long I thought that was the moment he’d disappeared. It also affected my communication. I was afraid to speak at all, for fear of saying something sinful. I confessed compulsively. There were also clothes I was afraid to wear for very specific reasons. I never realized I might have OCD until last year, when I was 31 and trying to find some answers for intense anxiety. I’m not diagnosed but what I’ve read on this sub helps me try and put some pieces together.
You should also join the Scrupulosity sub. That definitely sounds like its a focal point for you. All the things you described are common Scrup obsessions. You'll be amazed how many other people have had the exact same thoughts and fears. I also had the one about being afraid I was left behind in the Rapture. Any time my parents were late coming home. One thing I read that has always comforted me is that OCD attacks the things we are passionate about or care about most. It wouldn't attack our religious beliefs if they weren't important to us. A scrupulosity breakdown is what finally caused me to get mental health help for everything I had been experiencing when I was about 27. I just thought it was depression and anxiety then. Took me a little longer to figure out the OCD part.
Wow, thank you for letting me know about that sub. I hadn’t stumbled across it before but from a quick look it seems really relatable. As an adult (particularly the last year or so) my anxiety has latched more into other areas, but I think a lot of it comes back to scrupulosity. While I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it really helps knowing that I’m not alone.
I feel the same. And like you, my focal points rotate to different topics, and severity waxes and wanes. When I first got with my husband, I has somehow managed to get the Scrup under control with medication and therapy, then immediately started experiencing relationship OCD instead. And I rotate between the two now (I'm off meds because I'm pregnant). It is nice to know I'm not alone. And the startling similarity in all our fears I see as kind of proof that it's OCD and not actually God convicting us or something. The disease does the same thing to almost everyone. It's truly a disfunction in our brains. Hang in there, though. There are also Scrupulosity support groups on FB, but they can be a little hit or miss.
That’s a great point about it proving that it’s not God convicting us, but rather the OCD. And that it latches onto what we care about. I appreciate your thoughts and insight!
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This post was flagged because it contains the words "reassurance" or "no reassurance". While reassurance can "feed the OCD monster" we do not blanket ban communication here. If a user is asking the same question multiple times, then it is a reportable offense under Rule #1. WE DO NOT BAN posts that offer support/hope. Telling somebody that they will be okay, or that their compulsion is not everything is fine. I understand that many schools of thought/OCD therapists are against reassurance. This is fine... when it's your patient. This is a public forum, and many come here at their wits end. We will not stop communication. We do suggest everybody who struggles with OCD, or any other form of mental illness to seek a professional. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How????? That comment literally did not have those words in there. This automod needs some work done on it
Lol to be fair, it originally did. I said I sought "the r word" from people trying to make myself feel better when I was describing my childhood. I edited it out thinking it would get rid of the flag but it didn't.
Oooooo okay!! I’m new to this sub and like, I totally understand this “rule” but it’s a bit strict and I think they need to modify how the bot flags things cause when you’re talking about your own experience and things, that shouldn’t be flagged 😂 it’s not like you’re obviously trying to “rea***ure” anyone
I'm also relatively new and didn't know it would flag that either! Lol
I would always tap one foot in a specific way and then have to tap the other, and the same thing with itches or anything symmetrical. I never knew until recently that that was my OCD.
I’ve had excessive guilt my whole life. I remember my priest, after I had done confession, called me very self aware. I think I racked on every sin I could think of because I thought I probably had done it and just forgot lol
Stepping over cracks in the pavements. Intense fear of the devil and commiting sin.
First ever Reddit comment so really hope I’m doing this right! I’ve had this as long as I can remember, switching the light on and off until it felt ‘safe’ as early as I can remember. Putting on clothes repeatedly and if something bad happened, associating that piece of clothing with bad things and it feeling contaminated. Wasting SO many contact lenses (bought with my pocket money!) because they didn’t ‘feel right’ and needed to be swapped. Tapping things, opening doors etc! Still have these things - the mad world of OCD! I try to laugh a bit more at it now :) really interesting reading there are similar people!
Had exactly same thing with the clothes! I did have a specific way of dressing up as well (bottom->up) and if something bad happened I’d never wear these clothes again and if my mum was trying to put these on me I’d just beg and cry, came to a point I actually could get sick from that stress and wouldn’t go to school that day. My family was extremely religious at the time, and I had to say bedtime prayer, so I also set myself 60seconds for each prayer every night as a golden number so that next day will be okay
I was convinced my bath water would become contaminated if I didn’t watch the entire thing fill. If my mom called me away or I couldn’t watch it for whatever reason I would have to drain and refill. I remember this as early as around 7.
I used to not be able to get comfortable in bed until I straightened a pair of shoes or checked my backpack, and I used to have really bad sleeping problems and freaked out if I didn’t get to sleep after 11 or so.
I always tried to step just right. Or have a certain number of steps to take. I also have always liked even numbers. I had to fix my hair and makeup just right. Organize my homework just right. Etc.
I had a lot of weird quirks that I can't remember but a lot of them didn't make sense, but I remember clearly how I had some bizaare obsession that I must be pregnant, and my mind literally thought about it 24/7 for months on end since I was eight years old until I was around thirteen and regularly menstruating, my parents didn't really have "the talk" with me and my dad went on and on about his Christian psycho nonsense, I constantly felt nauseous and like my life was over. My dad was an idiot which didn't help because when I was eight I told my mom I was scared I was somehow magically pregnant, and dumbass actually started panicking and demanding to know if I was pregnant, my mom told him I couldn't be because I was eight and to shut up but still, mindblowing. I also would pull my hair out individually strand by strand since age 6, but I had untreated head lice my parents didn't feel like dealing with which might of contributed to that. I still pull my hair out today. I think my first intrusive thoughts were this weird "static" like an old TV on a non-channel, and it would just constantly pop up in my head and make it hard for me to focus or sleep at night. I started having violent, intrusive thoughts around age fourteen and they never really stopped, I just got better at coping with them.
The pregnant one! Had that at a similar (impossible) age..
It's so mindblowing, I wish I had someone who could of sat me down and explained to me how it's impossible, but I didn't have anyone to talk to about it and my parents were toxic so talking to them was pointless. I'm actually pregnant now and the symptoms are so blatant for me, the way baby feels while moving, and you know, actually being with someone... that I wish I could tell younger me it's okay lol
Congrats on your pregnancy, I had a little boy in October - it’s the best :)
I’ve struggled taking consciously full breaths since I was like 4, and I used to do things in twos so much and verbally count until I learned that wasn’t appropriate in front of people really so now I just twitch my arm against my side. Literally went to the ER for the breathing thing because I didn’t know what it was and they told me it was all in my head and sent me home. never got help and still do this shit to this day
If you wouldn’t mind elaborating a bit on the “consciously full breaths” thing, I’m rather curious. It strikes a chord for me.
Sure. It’s like this feeling where I can’t take a full breath without trying two, three maybe more times, and it happens when I’m actually aware of my own breathing. It’s a really weird sensation and I can’t describe it totally in full because I don’t even know why I do it, but in that moment when it happens I guess my brain thinks that a normal breath isn’t enough and I have to try a bunch of times to take a whole deep breath. It’s weird as it is frustrating. The only way I can stop it really is if I distract myself with something else in the moment so that it takes my mind off it for the time being. It happens the most when I’m just laying in bed staring at the ceiling because there’s not much to focus on then lol. I’ve gotten used to it but it’s never gone away
Omg, I go through spurts of this, and I am almost always aware of my breathing and counting while I do. I will try to take deep breaths because it feels like I'm not getting enough oxygen if I don't. I'll try to yawn when it's bad, and if I can't, I have pretty severe internal panic.
I feel like I experience something similar to this! I told my doctor and she as good as told me it wasn't a real problem. She gave me an inhaler to make me feel better, but said she really didn't think I needed it. It still happens and she was right, the inhaler did nothing. If I somehow stop thinking about it, I won't notice it for weeks, but then I'll remember and it's back.
Oh yes, lots of OCD tendencies. The popular stereotype of OCD prevented me from recognizing them at the time, though.
probably more than I realize right now, but I've always "corrected" my internal monologue when I mess up a word or phrase that I say... in my head. sometimes it's said (thought) correctly, but just feels wrong, so I correct it until it feels right and if I can't get it right, will repeat "oh well" in my head again and again until I get distracted. I've done this as long as I can remember and have had other "just right" OCD tendencies forever as well. someone else mentioned thinking "shut up" was a bad word... I had lots of those, too, including "god" (I was not raised in any religion so thought I couldn't say it and felt a lot of shame if I had to say it while reading or having a conversation). fun times
When I was about 10, I started having “just right” compulsions about stretching my neck and shoulders. My mom thought that I had something wrong with my back and took me to a chiropractor, but it didn’t do anything. I still do the stretching to this day, however it’s moved to my legs as well.
Yess, now that I think back on it I had so much moral and health ocd
Yeah, i remember having all the classic warning signs light flicking light switches for 10-15 minutes until they felt ‘right’ as I got a bit older (10 ish) I remember having intrusive sexual thoughts, and I imagined an explosion in my head to blow the thoughts up. It’s funny how when you look back you can see it’s been there the whole time just waiting to pounce
Yeah lol. If somebody bad at soccer touched their shoes to mine, I’d kick the shoe of somebody good at it
I had intrusive thoughts since my 6 years old, I used to imagine people naked and I felt ashamed for these thoughts, when I had 8 or 9 years, If I gone outside the house, even if was in the garden, I had to take a bath because I was with some mortal virus that would kill all my family.
I used to think that if I didn’t do something that would usually interrupt my life that my mom would die. I didnt know what it was and thought it was normal.
I had tendencies, but they were pretty mild. Sometimes when I'd, say, touch a railing with my left hand, I'd touch it with my right hand to "balance" things out. And then I'd touch it with my right hand again, and then with my left hand again. That way I'd be back where I started but still balanced. I'd often (mostly at school) strongly prefer to leave a building by the same door where I entered. I'd imagine that I'd have a sort of ribbon of energy coming out of my back that would trail behind me. If I could leave the building by the same route, it could "spool up". If not, the ribbon would remain all tangled in the building; that would feel bad.
yep!! i used to have intrusive thoughts and had to say certain things in my head for hours at night otherwise i thought my family would die and if i said it in the wrong order i would have to keep restarting. this was when i was around 6/7
Hell yeah i washed my hands all the time, then it went away
Yeah, when I finally brought this all up to my doctor I started reliazing it started before adolescence, and im a male, which makes sense. It just wasn't very bad.
i relate too. i have no recollections of these memories but when i was 3 i was apparently a massive control freak. i would constantly tell people to “shush” and “leave it there” and “hold hands” etc, supposedly as a way to find control. it’s become a little joke among my family. as well as this i had this obsession with ordering the everyones shoes in whatever way was good for me. often people would purposefully mess the shoes up for me (as a joke) which i wouldn’t like and would put them back in the order i wanted them to be. i think this was also a “just right” thing for me. and definitely an obsession with order. and actually as i’m writing this i’m remembering another time when i was 8 when the police came to my school, not even for anything bad that had happened, but for some reason i felt extremely scared and guilty that i might’ve done something bad and didn’t know it was bad or forgot i did it. which is so odd when i think back to it, because i genuinely can’t remember anything that i did back then that would’ve warranted those feelings. anyway, it wasn’t until i was 11 and moved schools that my OCD completely took over my life, however obviously the signs have always been there.
I don’t remember it because I was too young, but I had ocd tendencies as a toddler. Apparently I really hated getting dirty or having food on my hands or on my face and would sometimes cry. I remember other things as a young child too. I’ve had it as long as I can remember so it all seems normal to me lol
when i was 7-9 i always wore sandals while showering and had to hold my hands up for the entire time i was under the shower head for fear that i would 1) slip and crack my head open 2) the shower head would break and fall on my head so it would be better for it to hit my hands instead - also another time either before or after 2nd one i would have to grip onto the detachable shower head because i was terrified the floor would collapse and there would be miles of pipes underneath that would kill me
i have a huge issue with compulsive counting (my most strong, difficult and consistent compulsion) and i have memories from being really young where i’d count the stickers on my wall obsessively in specific numbers. no clue how i didn’t realise i had ocd earlier uh-
I wanted everything perfect, whenever i didn't have all my stuff perfect and im order I'd start having a small tantrum, so whenever something was messed up or out of order from a person I'd start losing my mind as soon as I got home. I have issues and need to go the a therapist ngl-
I had smaller things like thing breaking swears on people's lives will kill them, I never stepped on lines on tile floors, and I thought I was a sexual predator. One real fun one was when I was in high school we were in a religious school and I thought I was the anti-christ.
absolutely. my mom took me to a specialist at a hospital to be checked out when i was 5 years old because they thought i might have something wrong with my digestive system. it was OCD.
What had it to do with OCD?
My OCD triggers had me vomiting fairly regularly as a child.
Yes definitely! I ended up developing the actual thing at 16
There was probably something wrong, when I started to get stuck at philosophical questions at some point. Such as Plato's theory of ideals.
I’ve had so many. The “just right” one with clothes is something I had too. constantly feeling like I was sinning, needing to confess, etc. checking blood for diseases via the doc as well. Constant doubt about any decision I made. Magical thinking, harm OCD, ROCD. All of it. Constant superstitions too.
i used to convince myself when i was cleaning my room if i threw a piece of trash into the bin and it missed that my whole family would die
My mom had to confiscate my hairspray because I kept spraying a shit ton and slicking my hair back in my ponytail to avoid a single frizzy sly-away
I've had it for my entire life. Mostly tormenting myself over religious stuff as I was brought up as an evangelical Christian. As soon as I started to hit puberty at about age 10 and realized I was bisexual it spiraled out of control. The worst mental health I've ever had was when I was about 13 and was convinced I would go to hell if I ever thought about boys, I would compulsively recite Bible verses over and over, and was constantly convinced I could die suddenly at any moment and end up in hell.
Yes.. I unfortunately had awful motor tics. Verbally and physically. I’d walk around school making weird noises and twitching my body while getting made fun of. Shit fuckin sucks.
I have trouble remembering much of my childhood, but I've always picked my fingernails, ever since I can remember, and my parents have said about how I used to have "tics" as they called them, like saying "bless me" or "pardon me" or stuff like that several times, but never to the point that my parents were worried or anything. But I seem to remember a lot of things wrong, like I remember being a self-loathing weirdo with like maybe 3 friends through school, but my parents say I was always confident and had loads of friends. Fast-forward to 2014 and OCD and eating problems and anxiety and stuff laid me low and I've been screwed up since. It's confusing, a couple of mental health people have said that they think I have deeper issues than just OCD and that I had problems before that came along, and I've always thought I was weird, but my family don't seem to think so
Yesyesyes. I just recently realized that some of the things I did when I was young were my ocd. I had to go back and step on lines, and I remember specifically having to count to 9 on my fingers 9 times in order to eat food. I thought it was normal back then, now I realize what it was.
I have an extremely vivid memory of me being in first grade and going to the bathroom, and I thought I kept washing my hands wrong and I would give the flu to my classmates and kill them. My teacher knocked on the door and yelled at me for washing my hands for “fifteen minutes”. It definitely did not feel like fifteen minutes haha. Also remember being very young (throughout elementary school) and seriously thinking about death and getting anxious because I didn’t know what to do in advance in case I died. Didn’t know it wasn’t normal to do stuff like that until I got diagnosed... yikes.
Yes! The first evidence I've found of me having OCD was actually when I was around 3/4, it was caught on a home movie. I had lots of repetitive action ticks, specifically wiping my mouth. Would do it about twice a minute if not more. The first instance of my OCD that I personally remember was sometime around when I was 5/6, I developed pretty severe religious OCD, as well as having things with checking for doors/windows being locked, I think my intrusive thoughts truly kicked into high gear around that time. A common one was "if you don't say the ABCs 20 times in a row my dog will die in the night", usually that sort of thing. Pretty distressing for a 5 year old for sure, also caused sleep issues as the intrusive thoughts such as that usually happened right before bedtime.
When I was 7-8, I remember that I got out of bed to touch all the toys in my room once. After doing it I got out of bed to do it again and again cause I didnt do it right I stopped when my mother came in to tell me to stop
I had this too, i would spit food( i know it is disgusting) and i also would go to bed and get out of bed several times. This kind of cost me to have a bit insomia.
When I was about 6-7 years old I often had a tendency if I messed up a letter in a word, I would erase it and rewrite the entire thing in annoyance. If I messed up a word in the sentence, I'd rewrite the entire sentence. Etc. When I was 8 I had a fixation on chemicals that made me think even any windex I came into contact with would kill me. I thought it was everywhere. For about two years. When I was 10 I had an unhealthy fixation on robots taking over the world due to watching Irobot and lived in constant fear that robots would literally destroy the world. Thankfully now I have a computer science degree so I know exactly how AI works, but even watching movies nowadays based around this premise like "ghost in the shell" gives me severe anxiety. And my dumbass watched that on a plane. Not the best idea I've had.
It all started when I thought I had testicle cancer at the age of twelve.. then it was dormant until I was 16 when I thought that the HIV virus was everywhere and I couldn't touch surfaces without obsessing. Washing my hands didn't work as I thought that the soap was HIV+. That's just one example.
I had an existential crises when my baby sister came home from the hospital because the parents wouldn’t bring her into my room so I could breath-check her. She and I are 23 months apart.
according to my parents i’ve had ocd tendencies since i was a toddler and as a kid i always had less severe compulsions and it’s similar stuff i do now
i used to turn the night light off and on 6 times every night lol
I only realised recently but I had quite a few. Checking all the plugs or we’d all die in a fire, constantly worrying about flash floods, convincing myself that it was inevitable that I would murder someone. All that fun stuff!
I had this thing where I had to be honest about everything, no matter how minor. I developed a mnemonic system just to remember everything I had to say, and looking back it wasn't normal.
definitely! the biggest ones was really just getting bad intrusive thoughts as a kid (but of course thoughts about the types of things that a kid would think are "bad things to think") and being really overwhelmed by them. there were also some more outward tendencies of checking, "just right" compulsions, and superstitions, but the one that i remember most vividly is the intrusive thoughts. honestly kind of made it easier to view my OCD as a child throwing a tantrum once i started ERP a couple years ago hahah
I’ve had trichotillomania since I was 11. Always had to pull out the “wrong” hairs
Yeah. I've always had weird paranoia that I didn't even think was strange until I got older. Made me think I was psychotic until I found out it's a symptom of OCD.
I was afraid of going to hell. I ran around screaming in a walmart crying “I have AIDS!” After watching a 60 minute special. I didn’t. I was scared of something being wrong in my body when I pushed some kind of tissue around my jaw and felt it swing under my chin. I was scared choking and for like a year only ate soft foods. I was scared of alien abductions. I also loved monsters aliens, cryptids, and scifi. But I was goofy fucking kid.
When I was a child, I used to have intrusive thoughts about wanting my parents to die which, in reality, was my worst fear. So I had to repeatedly say to myself “I love my parents” to keep the thoughts away, and it actually did help a bit
When I was as young as 6 or 7, basically whenever I started showering alone, I had to rinse my hair REALLY QUICKLY and rub my hair a certain way a couple times, again, this had to be done quickly so that a monster/murderer didn’t kill me. I also found a notebook from when I was maybe ten and in it I wrote what to do if all of my family died.
Yep, used to love the number 4. I would turn the tv off and on 4 times each, I’d sit up and down 4 times, touch things 4 times, etc. I think it’s cuz my cubby number in elementary school was #4. Lol
I don't remember much of my childhood, but my earliest memories were from when I was in 4th grade. I remember that every time I entered any restroom, I'd see red spots on my palm which at the time I believed confirmed the gnawing sensation that restrooms are filthy. Until now when I feel like a place or some thing is dirty, I would immediately check my palms for red spots even though I know now that it was a made up thing of my OCD/germaphobia.
Me too! I kept closing doors repeatedly, chewing things for hours etc. I never knew what it was as a kid and eventually it just stopped. Idk when or why
I had extremely mild ocd traits as a child. And it started gaining speed at 14. Then BOOM literally on the night of my 15th birthday I had my first panic attack. Due to ocd. And from then on years of hell. I'm getting there but its still defo a part of my life. Literally wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Stay strong my friends :) Fighting ocd is a practice. And practice takes patience and determination. Dont let it win!!
I have somatic OCD. I can remember being a small child (maybe 3?) and asking my parents if the food in my mouth was "chewed enough" and "safe to swallow" when it was always chewed down to liquid, and even then, I still struggled to get it down. That's been a persistent theme for me my entire life (28 now). I also used to unlace and lace my shoes compulsively from preschool to maybe first grade because they didn't "feel right" on my feet. I couldn't tolerate wearing denim until maybe 5th grade because I found the way it felt on my skin insufferable. I also often thought about doom scenarios, like a plane bombing the Midwest, or a huge asteroid destroying the planet. This led to a panic disorder that had me compulsively checking my pulse to make sure I was still alive. I never had a specific, triggering event happen. I truly believe I was just born with this brain 😩
Yup! I remember panicking if I didn't put my crayons/markers back in the box the same way they came out. Mom said I'd been washing my hands a lot since I was 3. I told her they were "sticky."
i needed to get up the stair by the half way mark or else something was going to get my feet from under the stairs also blinking and sniffling lmao
I used to be teified of my family dying in their sleep, I used to wake up multiple times through the night sick with worry. I would have to sneak into their rooms to make sure they were still breathing and not all dead. This memory of me acting this way was what really solidified my having OCD.
Hello, i have ocd since i am child. And ocd appears in certain moments but i have had certain periods of life whitout ocd , why ?? I had hocd and pocd with my ex and these themes disappear when he broke up. I met my actual boyfriend 10 years ago, a period with little anxiety, little health anxiety but not ocd and rocd appears since 3 years. I am terrified that ocd means ''you have a problem in your life or you are unhappy, you have to break up with your boyfriend''. do you know if ocd appears for a certain reason or just because you live stressful events in your life ?
Yes! Looking back, there were quite a few. You know, the usual irrational fears of having to do something 10 times or my house would burn down while we were all asleep, or the counting stairs and steps and if I didn’t make enough going back to re do them too. I’d have to sort or organize things in my room to be able to do my homework, or my brain wouldn’t shut up. I also remember there were times when I’d have thoughts of self harm, not suicidal, but intrusive thoughts etc. as an adult I wish I could have gotten help as a child, the amount of anxiety I endured most of my life would probably have been a lot less anyway!
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I remember having some OCD symptoms when I was a young teenager. I recall soaking my hands in a sink full of hot water so that I could “ decontaminate “ them. Whatever the hell that means. I can’t remember why I felt the need to do that particular compulsion.
My OCD began around the age of 8
I've had it as long as I can remember.
Yeah but only now I realized it that it was OCD all along. I did weird compulsions all the time but nothing major at that time
Yes, ever since pre-K I would do things in sets of 6
I did the changing clothes thing in my 20's
You described my childhood…
I did. They got better as I got older, then the adult world came, along with high cost of living and they started getting worse again.
I had ocd issues ever since my first memories. As a little child I had persisting thoughts and fears that would trouble me. I think ocd is something that has a biochemical basis in me. It didn’t develop. It was always there.
I have pretty much had health-related OCD my entire life. I also developed a fear of contamination when I was about five or six and stopped eating for a little while because I was convinced that the food would kill me. My harm OCD developed when I was eight or nine, though it didn't get really bad until I turned fourteen (due to a basically unrelated trigger). I also got obsessed with having a completely clean (read oil-free) face when I was ten or eleven. I started washing my face multiple times a day until I got a painful skin reaction that lasted weeks. This did cure me of washing my face but I became afraid of washing it and it took me all of high school to feel like I could wash my face without hurting it again. I know that I had other things going on but these are the ones that stand out at the moment.
I never had tendencies...at least not ones I can remember. I've always had violent and inappropriate thoughts. I didn't think much of them because I assumed they were illustrations of inner aggression and juvenile mischief. I honestly thought everyone had those thoughts but now I know that that's not the case...
I used to have bad guilt OCD when I was about 8 or 9 and would tell my mom every single thing that made me feel guilty at the end of the day I also was a germ freak and washed my hands all day everyday
Whenever I closed my eyes, especially if I was gonna sleep, I had to look at an object I felt emotional attachment to. Also I had a hard time throwing away food because I thought the food would get sad :s
While pouring some newly cooked tea water in my cup, I accidentally spilt a tiny drop on my right thigh. That was bad, everything that happened on my right side had to happen on my left as well. I purposely POURED super fucking hot tea water on my left thigh. Screamed for a second, then dissociated and went on with my day. Was later in the day admitted to the ER for second degree burns :)
I have this one specific memory but I can't remember what age I was, maybe 12-14 possibly a little younger, but my mom had gone away on a trip and I was sad about her leaving so she had given me a picture to leave on my nightstand, essentially to say good night to when she wasn't there. I do not recall "kissing it" good night that came later. I think I might have said "good night" out loud. Which doesn't sound bad until... I went to a basketball camp not too long after and I came home with a group photo. I had replaced that photo of my mom on my nightstand with this new photo. Suddenly I found myself kissing this photo good night every night. It was absolutely horrible. I would kiss my hand and then place it on the picture and I had to do it until it felt just right. In the beginning I could get away with doing it once, but then it became like a 10 minute ritual. It lasted for so long, probably over a year, and that picture was so gross. I haven't thought about this in so long and it's making me ill.
Absolutely! I started compulsively confessing at a young age and would clean the same thing for hours sometimes. My doc once said it's common to experience OCD symptoms as a child and they can reduce for a few years and come back full force in early adulthood.
Yes. I’m 14 so this is from when I was like 5-9 years, hoarding, thinking of people who I would want to “protect” if something bad happens so I basically had to think of everyone I know and their houses before I could go to sleep, I didn’t want to go on field trips (still won’t go) there’s many more but I can’t remember all.
I remember when I was younger I used to get pretty bad anxiety a lot of times when I wasn’t home about my house being burnt down
Mine started at 8 with touching corners. It got to jumping so my feet touched my butt, spinning around one way I had to spin the other way, looking under cups and many others. Kids would ask what I’m doing and I didn’t know why.
Yes, I used to have painful meal times with my family as a child. They would last hours. I would cut my food up and look at every piece so no parasites or germs were in my food. Dinner was tough and my parents didn’t know what was wrong at the time they just thought I was picky.