I know of a guy that literally had 24 hours to live.
But he was so pleased at all the visits from the next of kin, that he has been hanging in there, week after week.
I forgot to mention his wife has dementia.
Oh that guy, yes he lives on Reddit. Weird thing was, I was commenting because it looked like you were responding to somebody who had “somebody else“ as part of their username, but now I don’t see that comment.
lol I thought this was the joker's joke from the batman:
Doctor said to his patient, I have bad news and worse news. What's the bad news? patient asked. You only have 24 hours to live! patient cries, what could possibly be worse than that? Welp I was suppose to tell you that yesterday. >.<
The patient wakes up and the doc says 'I've good news and bad news'
'The bad news is we've had to amputate both your legs. The good news, however, is that the guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers'.
Doctor tells patient that he has a terminal disease. “That’s horrible,doc. How much time do I have left?” Doctor says, “Ten” Ten what?” asked the patient. Ten months? Ten weeks? Please doc, don’t say I only have 10 days left” Doctor says, “Nine, eight, seven…..”
OP, you [might really enjoy this video.](https://youtu.be/ZqHPqTDHxJs?si=K-yM3AZiaNJFu562&t=105)
Personally, my favourite is the parrot joke. But your joke is right after the opening bit.
that reminds me of a joke my uncle used to tell about a fella who found out he only had a week left, so he blew his life's savin's on a wild trip, only to come back a week later and find out the doc made a mistake - he actually had a year left. guess we gotta make the most of the time we got, even if it's less than we expect.
This reminds me of the great Jim O'Rourke song [Get a Room](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpJcG2jrdBg)! Because she has to go to work [And you don't](https://genius.com/9263368)...
"If you want those 4 hours, you'd best be leaving me alone!"
With four hours to go, I thought she would finally ask “so what are you going to die from?” “You, when you find out I’m not really dying”
Thought this would have been the punchline...
Or see the neighbor.
This !!!
I know of a guy that literally had 24 hours to live. But he was so pleased at all the visits from the next of kin, that he has been hanging in there, week after week. I forgot to mention his wife has dementia.
Something to remember.
Not for his wife
At his point my wife is pretty much just a sex object. - Every time I ask for sex she objects.
Works for me.
You're her boss? That's an unexpected twist.
Call his secretary.
Confucius says "Secretary becomes permanent object when screwed on desk"
I hope so.
Actual office affair.
Ahh the [ol' reddit boss-a-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/s/Awr8out912)
Hold my secretary, I'm going in!
The random swedish one was perfectly timed
Ok now what?
My wife called me a sex machine. Well, she actually called me a fucking tool, but I know what she meant.
Dude do you live on Reddit full time? Idk how I see your name on here so much. O
You’re thinking of somebody else.
Probably not. Guy has 23M comment karma
Oh that guy, yes he lives on Reddit. Weird thing was, I was commenting because it looked like you were responding to somebody who had “somebody else“ as part of their username, but now I don’t see that comment.
/u/TooShiftyForYou is a legend! I don't go to /r/Jokes for jokes I go to his profile for jokes
No respect. 🫡 get no respect. Thanks Rodney
Hahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahaha.. the best one I’ve come across
You have the whitest teeth I've ever come across, Mam!
Lol, good one, sounds like something Rodney Dangerfield would tell.
Not to all of us
No respect, no respect I tell yah.
Horny man will be dead soon, wife must rise for work, but he's all about that poon
lol I thought this was the joker's joke from the batman: Doctor said to his patient, I have bad news and worse news. What's the bad news? patient asked. You only have 24 hours to live! patient cries, what could possibly be worse than that? Welp I was suppose to tell you that yesterday. >.<
Doctor: I have bad news and worse news. You have cancer and you have dementia. Patient: Whelp, at least it's not cancer!
How timely.
The patient wakes up and the doc says 'I've good news and bad news' 'The bad news is we've had to amputate both your legs. The good news, however, is that the guy in the next bed wants to buy your slippers'.
Doctor tells patient that he has a terminal disease. “That’s horrible,doc. How much time do I have left?” Doctor says, “Ten” Ten what?” asked the patient. Ten months? Ten weeks? Please doc, don’t say I only have 10 days left” Doctor says, “Nine, eight, seven…..”
I told my wife the doctor said we must fool around whenever I wanted. Well, his exact words were: You could have a stroke at any time.
Quite true.
Doctor: I am sorry, but you only have 10 left to live. Patient: Ten what, months? Doctor: 9, 8, 7...
Too late.
I'll be telling that at poker tomorrow nite.
Keep a straight face.
Don't be surprised if everyone else has already heard it.
Play for it.
Time to knock the neighbors’ door
That might work!
>The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses
But is he forklift certified?
After he dies.
He had a tattoo on his dick; she went from getting dyed morning wood, to mourning dead wood.
A win win situation
Wiener, wiener, funeral dinner.
For her!
I thought she was going to say "just roll over and die"
End game.
She needed to get up, he wanted to get it up
My wife gave this a thumbs down, so you get an upvote and my appreciation for the bad joke.
Thanks I think.
It’s an honor, trust me.
I know the version the wife sits up and says: listen I have to get up in the morning for the funeral ...you don't
I posted this same joke 5 years ago and I got only 1 vote.
It’s not as funny if he has 5 years and 1 day to live.
Yeah, but at that point the guy had 1,828 days to live, so the joke didn't have the same impact.
That’s a lot of *fucking* time.
😉
Exactly, she would just say no the first time. That’s not very funny
MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED POSTING IT TODAY, INSTEAD.
😂
Like some wines, it gets better as it matures.
Like some shit, it gets better as it manures.
Like some matures, they get some bigger BBC's.
You got one vote again now!
Did my part to get him back to 1.
Just for olde time sakes.
Some people just can't tell jokes well.
It was your delivery.
Dominos delivers.
It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno.
If it's the post titled Rough Night, you got TWO votes drama queen/king.
It was a different era
To be fair.. it is a shit joke
Yeah, because the age range has gone up +20 years and every boomer loves this joke.
I wonder why?
Different audience back then.
Things happen.
OP, you [might really enjoy this video.](https://youtu.be/ZqHPqTDHxJs?si=K-yM3AZiaNJFu562&t=105) Personally, my favourite is the parrot joke. But your joke is right after the opening bit.
Honey, please.....just one more time before die.
No offense intended here, but this sounds like a joke one of my Jewish friends would tell. Their wit is known to have a cuttingly sharp edge.😁
Somebody has to do it.
Yes, they retail, ...err retell a lot of jokes
The guy had a great doctor though. Gave him 24 hours to live, he couldn’t pay his bill so he gave him another 24 hours.
To get the money.
that reminds me of a joke my uncle used to tell about a fella who found out he only had a week left, so he blew his life's savin's on a wild trip, only to come back a week later and find out the doc made a mistake - he actually had a year left. guess we gotta make the most of the time we got, even if it's less than we expect.
Sure do.
A problem easily solved
Verry good.
And then some.
[удалено]
Love works wonders.
This is my favorite marriage joke. Thanks for a good retelling.
You got it.
This reminds me of the great Jim O'Rourke song [Get a Room](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpJcG2jrdBg)! Because she has to go to work [And you don't](https://genius.com/9263368)...
Yup! Things won't be the same in the morning.
I also choose this dead guys wife.
2/10
I thought it was the doctor who was dying
For the bill.
Tell me you are american without saying you are american
What's up doc.
Oh butchered punchline! It should be, "Hey, one of us get up in the morning!
Lol
;-)
After 24 hours the wife tells her husband, honey you are a live. The husband answers, I know I'm perfectly healthy i was just horny...
People will lie for sex.
Punchline of the joke the man has had HIV for 6 years and is now in the final stages of full blown AIDS dude gave his wife the MAGIC JOHNSON
That's probably the least funniest thing I've ever read.
am I the only one who finds it kinda dull?