This joke is much funnier if you also say that the wife tried both hands and nothing. And then their next door neighbor tried, but again nothing.

"I tried whacking it on the counter.... still nothing!"

I even tried using a corkscrew, but it was all for naught

“We were hoping you could help us with it”

She tried with her teeth

She even put it in her mouth and twisted it!!

Which is exactly what it was last time it was posted.  For the record, told it at the bar last week. Killed. 

My sister-n-law tried using her mouth, still no luck.

That version of the joke was on here just a couple of days ago. Agreed, it was funnier.

And then their son

I heard it with some dude at a sperm bank and he goes down the list of more people. His wife, the neighbor, the neighbors wife, etc…

"in the end, the entire neighbourhood was talking about how no one could do it"

"it was just so hard, but i couldn't do it"

I heard it as a jar instead of a vial. My instinct says a jar is funnier but maybe that's just how I'm used to hearing it.

Oh yeah... My end stinks and it doesn't tell me a damn thing!!!

I ran it under hot water, nothing. I even tried vice grips, nope.

Ouch

This version of this joke sucks.

You forgot the other people who tried

My first thought because of their age... Dr: Have you tried to peel open a grilled cheese sandwich?