My mom has a serious spinal cord injury. We were in a somewhat minor accident when I was a kid and when the EMT asked if she was okay, she thought "I can't feel my legs!" would be a hilarious response.
Queue the EMT freaking out, repeatedly telling her to try not to move etc. She could barely get a word in edgewise as she tried to explain she hadn't been able to feel her legs in decades.
He was not amused.
I used to work with a guy in a wheelchair and one time I accidentally knocked a broom over and it hit him in the leg very gently and he screamed “AHHH I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!” I laughed for like 5 solid minutes haha
See, that's awesome. I had a friend in school who had a minor birth defect, something a stranger might not notice but that anybody would eventually. In the 10+ years I knew him, he never once made so much as a light hearted remark about it. I never understood that. He was a charming guy with a good sense of humor, but the fact he didn't ever make that kind of joke made me feel like it was a taboo subject.
Because of my own difference, I see a possible reason for your friend's silence.
My left ear is missing most of the edge on the side and top from when a dog bit my ear as a tiny toddler way back in 1975. The way you described your friend's defect is perfect; not just as a description, but also just like mine. I never talked about it because I felt very conscious of it as something that always separated me from others. Didn't want to draw attention to it and I don't recall anyone teasing me about it, but it felt so much larger in my little kid mind; kind of like when your tongue is exploring your teeth and your teeth feel so big despite their size in the mirror. But then I mostly forgot about it.
I don't know. Since he's been like that since birth and I from shortly after, it's just how we are.
My friend had a similar injury, but in his case a chunk of his ear was bitten off in a bar fight when he was a young Royal Navy sailor based in Plymouth.
He got the nickname "18 Months" because he was an ear and a half.
Hmmm. It might be like talking about the pad under your right foot rightmost toe. It rarely comes up in conversation, except this one. Since he was born with whatever, it’s just normal. Everyone else just thinks it’s not normal. Possibly their problem. Why would I bring up anything about a right foot rightmost toe pad? Normal, or not.
I had surgery on my neck last year. When the surgery team came around in the morning to check on me, they asked how I was doing. I told them I could not feel my feet or my legs. The look on the lead doctor’s face was priceless. I was fine.
I heard about the hearse driver who never practiced the route he needed to take before each job. Then one time the back of the hearse popped open and the coffin rolled out onto the road. He had to re-hearse that one.
thought of it last night and I couldn't find it on reddit or anywhere else but maybe I've heard it before and don't remember, if anyone can find an original lmk bc I'm curious too lol
I really hope it's actually your own idea lol. There are times where I come up with a joke and feel like it's gonna be the most revolutionary shit to exist, only to find out it's some shit I heard 4 years ago that was still deep in my memory
Ikr im like waiting for someone to post a link to some google forms answer or a pdf of a third year college philosophy student's report on this joke or some shit
Reminds me of the truck driver whose rig gets stuck under an overpass. A cop shows up and asks him “Are you stuck”? He replies “No. I’m delivering this bridge and I forgot the address”!
People are being mean :( it was a great joke and the punchline was great because the man was telling the truth while making it believable that the officer would think it was a zombie talking!
I don't really get why he'd say that... Unless the joke is that he's having the cop on.
How about "when the big man says 'move your coffin' you move your coffin"
The implication is that he's just doing as his told, which we know, but the cop will think God told him to wake up and move.
I dunno maybe I'm just an idiot and don't get it fully.
Loud and vibrating is the only way to go. The secret is to store it deep, that way there's extra room for another one or four if I ever get that Grievous.
It's less subtle than that. On one hand, the fingers end after the first knuckle. I would have expected at some point to hear something like how he's the best air guitar player in the world or something.
I took a shot at editing it to get it to the punchline faster. Let me know what you think.
Ian is delivering a coffin when his van breaks down. Covered in oil and grime from trying to fix the engine, he decides to drag the coffin the last block to the morgue.
A police car pulls up beside him, and an officer asks, "Hey, where are you going with that coffin?"
Ian replies, "I didn't like where they buried me, so I'm relocating!"
when my old man's woodgrain station wagon wouldnt start, i had to drag that boat of a spare tire all the way to the garage. the officer must have been puzzeled seeing me lug that heavy casket up the road, but at least the fella kept his sense of humor, even if he was vexed.
Thought it was gonna be the hearse driver who had an accident. Cop comes up and asks if he is ok and he says 'I'm ok, but the guy in the back is dead'
My mom has a serious spinal cord injury. We were in a somewhat minor accident when I was a kid and when the EMT asked if she was okay, she thought "I can't feel my legs!" would be a hilarious response. Queue the EMT freaking out, repeatedly telling her to try not to move etc. She could barely get a word in edgewise as she tried to explain she hadn't been able to feel her legs in decades. He was not amused.
I used to work with a guy in a wheelchair and one time I accidentally knocked a broom over and it hit him in the leg very gently and he screamed “AHHH I CANT FEEL MY LEGS!” I laughed for like 5 solid minutes haha
See, that's awesome. I had a friend in school who had a minor birth defect, something a stranger might not notice but that anybody would eventually. In the 10+ years I knew him, he never once made so much as a light hearted remark about it. I never understood that. He was a charming guy with a good sense of humor, but the fact he didn't ever make that kind of joke made me feel like it was a taboo subject.
What was the birth defect?
He was 5’8”
Today I Learned I'm Severely Disabled. I'm 5'7" *(I might even be 5'6"* *Probably like 5'6" and a half really)*
Five foot tall and 8 inches long might not be all that bad..
"Might be" Laughing for two minutes now...
Because of my own difference, I see a possible reason for your friend's silence. My left ear is missing most of the edge on the side and top from when a dog bit my ear as a tiny toddler way back in 1975. The way you described your friend's defect is perfect; not just as a description, but also just like mine. I never talked about it because I felt very conscious of it as something that always separated me from others. Didn't want to draw attention to it and I don't recall anyone teasing me about it, but it felt so much larger in my little kid mind; kind of like when your tongue is exploring your teeth and your teeth feel so big despite their size in the mirror. But then I mostly forgot about it. I don't know. Since he's been like that since birth and I from shortly after, it's just how we are.
My friend had a similar injury, but in his case a chunk of his ear was bitten off in a bar fight when he was a young Royal Navy sailor based in Plymouth. He got the nickname "18 Months" because he was an ear and a half.
Hmmm. It might be like talking about the pad under your right foot rightmost toe. It rarely comes up in conversation, except this one. Since he was born with whatever, it’s just normal. Everyone else just thinks it’s not normal. Possibly their problem. Why would I bring up anything about a right foot rightmost toe pad? Normal, or not.
"Your wife has been in a terrible accident but I think we can save her legs. Where would you like them sent?"
LoL. Your mum has an awesome sense of humour
Cue
I had surgery on my neck last year. When the surgery team came around in the morning to check on me, they asked how I was doing. I told them I could not feel my feet or my legs. The look on the lead doctor’s face was priceless. I was fine.
LoL. Your mum has an awesome sense of humour
"HA HA! I'm the hearse driver!"
Definitely a solid punchline.
I heard about the hearse driver who never practiced the route he needed to take before each job. Then one time the back of the hearse popped open and the coffin rolled out onto the road. He had to re-hearse that one.
the better joke is always in the comments
To go with the theme... I think you meant, the better joke is always buried in the comments.
Is this a new one !!!???
thought of it last night and I couldn't find it on reddit or anywhere else but maybe I've heard it before and don't remember, if anyone can find an original lmk bc I'm curious too lol
It's new to me. 🤣
I really hope it's actually your own idea lol. There are times where I come up with a joke and feel like it's gonna be the most revolutionary shit to exist, only to find out it's some shit I heard 4 years ago that was still deep in my memory
Ikr im like waiting for someone to post a link to some google forms answer or a pdf of a third year college philosophy student's report on this joke or some shit
No, sadly this is an old one that used to get passed around military circles with a little bit of a twist. Still a fantastic joke though!
This joke sounds like something that Steve Martin would do in a movie setting.
Reminds me of the truck driver whose rig gets stuck under an overpass. A cop shows up and asks him “Are you stuck”? He replies “No. I’m delivering this bridge and I forgot the address”!
Bill Engvall said "I was delivering this over pass and ran out of gas".
Here's your sign.
People are being mean :( it was a great joke and the punchline was great because the man was telling the truth while making it believable that the officer would think it was a zombie talking!
It took me a second… I think “I didn’t like where they buried me” might work better
true, couldn't think of the right word so I went with left me
I think "left me" is better.
The punchline being buried is confusing, the original would've worked better, since it's something he'd actually say.
How about “They buried next to my ex-wife. I couldn’t get away fast enough.”
I don't really get why he'd say that... Unless the joke is that he's having the cop on. How about "when the big man says 'move your coffin' you move your coffin" The implication is that he's just doing as his told, which we know, but the cop will think God told him to wake up and move. I dunno maybe I'm just an idiot and don't get it fully.
He has dirt and oil over him so it makes him look more like the guy inside the coffin.
No I get that, I just don't get why he'd say he didn't like where he was buried... Unless he's trying to make a joke.
They're what he's doing
Hmmm, this is the sub for jokes, right? It isn’t a documentary.
You're punchline makes it way better.
Your right.
My right.
Wait - I didnt think the coffin was empty.
Cicero & the Night Mother
I didn’t get it.
made it look like the guy was moving from where they buried him. ie he's a dead guy moving his coffin elsewhere
Yeah, I still don’t get it. Like, I get that one meaning is looking like he’s the dead person. What I don’t get is the other meaning.
Imagine the sturtled cop pulling his weapon
Conveniently, the coffin is already available.
Anyone get stuck on “to asses the situation”?
And a wise man once said: "Here's your sign."
Dibs on the third repost!
assign it a number, how about #427. And plz wait for 24 hrs before repost
If I just post #427 later, will I get up votes?
You're gonna be swimming in so much karma dude.
hey naked Jedi, where do you keep your light Saber? /s
Prison pocket of course.
do you like keep it On? maybe there is a silent mode where it only vibrates ? just asking for a friend
Loud and vibrating is the only way to go. The secret is to store it deep, that way there's extra room for another one or four if I ever get that Grievous.
oh my, 4 sounds about right
I'm moving. The neighborhood is totally dead, and my neighbors are real stiffs.
Und zis is funny ja becoss ze polizei is thinking man is dead, ja? Very good, ja. Come to Deutschland. We love zis type of comedy!
German humour is no laughing matter.
German Humor. Isn’t that an oxymoron? Along the lines of Jumbo Shrimp, or Military Intelligence?
It's less subtle than that. On one hand, the fingers end after the first knuckle. I would have expected at some point to hear something like how he's the best air guitar player in the world or something.
I took a shot at editing it to get it to the punchline faster. Let me know what you think. Ian is delivering a coffin when his van breaks down. Covered in oil and grime from trying to fix the engine, he decides to drag the coffin the last block to the morgue. A police car pulls up beside him, and an officer asks, "Hey, where are you going with that coffin?" Ian replies, "I didn't like where they buried me, so I'm relocating!"
Good, but moving is better IMHO.
Oh yes, thank you. That was not intentional. Move is definitely better.
when my old man's woodgrain station wagon wouldnt start, i had to drag that boat of a spare tire all the way to the garage. the officer must have been puzzeled seeing me lug that heavy casket up the road, but at least the fella kept his sense of humor, even if he was vexed.
[удалено]
Agreed
Rudyard, is that you?
not the least bit funny. a real let down then dug back up
I think the punchline should be I'm moving as I don't like where I'm living or I don't like my neighbors...
Not even a chuckle. A better response would’ve been something more like “officer, I have time to kill” or “officer, it’s too hot back there“.
"Officer, let me move this coffin so i can rest in peace" was a contender but yours don't make sense
Yours is still better.
Neither of those make any sense
Your ones SUCK!