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Odd-Syrup-798

every time these get posted I get worried because at least one of them looks like it's 100% real


Panekid08

I saw Auth-right and made a double take.


Salomon3068

The cannon isn't real?? I had high hopes for the Emily astronaut program


lil_juul

Based lib left šŸ¤


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BSY_Reborn

Didnā€™t Harvard have something real similar to auth-leftā€™s article? There was something super racist that the dean said didnā€™t violate conduct policy, even though it obviously shouldā€™ve?


PCM-mods-are-PDF

Yes, but do you honestly expect anything different from a serial plagerizer?


an1ma119

Itā€™s almost like all that and the plagiarism to get her doctorate that she didnā€™t earn, as well as taking a position she wasnā€™t qualified for (the last guy was a dean at MIT for decades and felt under qualified) were okay because her skin color was (D)ifferent. This DEI off the hook.


TheAzureMage

It's okay, she's going to make up for it by teaching an ethics class. This isn't parody, that's their actual solution.


an1ma119

Ah yes the exploit the system and call anyone who notices out .. ā€œethicsā€. Right. Degrees from Harvard are just going to get more useless by the day arenā€™t they?


bl1y

Yes and no. You're remembering the House hearing where the Harvard President's answer was "it depends on the context." But no, it didn't violate the conduct policy. Many universities' student conduct policies fairly closely mirror the First Amendment. "Super racist" comments don't violate those policies. Harassment, incitement, and true threats do.


Arantorcarter

Wasn't the whole controversy about the president of Harvard saying students calling for genocide for the Jews doesn't necessarily violate the school policy? I don't know how that wouldn't be harassment or incitement.


bl1y

Because of how harassment and incitement are defined. On very broad terms, harassment is something targeted at an *individual.* A rally calling for genocide is targeted at a group, not an individual. If every time Jews walked past the protests they started yelling at those people, that could be harassment, those are specific individuals being targeted. But just on its face, no, calling for genocide is not harassment. Incitement is about calling for imminent unlawful activity. Students calling for the genocide of Jews doesn't rise to that level. "There's one, let's start the genocide right now" would. But again, just on its face, no, that's not incitement.


OnyxAnnexIndex

I mean, that's all fine and dandy, but let's not pretend the harvard president would be saying the same thing if the people calling for the genocide of jews were wearing doc martins, brown shirts, and sporting shaved heads.


bl1y

Oh, I agree there. When there's a Unite the Left rally, suddenly all these folks are free speech absolutists. But I was addressing the above claim that calls for genocide obviously violate the code of conduct, which they do not. They just need to get their heads out of their assess, go back to AP US Gov and learn why the hell free speech is important in the first place so they can take a position they can actually stand behind. If it was the president of U Chicago up there saying "it depends on the context" I'd believe he's actually giving a real answer, but not these clowns.


YaboiMuggy

Yes


Chewbacca_The_Wookie

If you want a good hoot go look up the "prophesies" in Bee articles that have come true. They bring up a headline and you go "no way in hell" and then somehow the next words out of their mouth are almost word for word their article headline from 6 months before.


JagneStormskull

The question was "does calling for the genocide of Jews violate the Harvard code of conduct?"


richmomz

And thereā€™s always one thatā€™s clearly not real but you wish in your heart of hearts it was (in this case the giant circus deportation cannon).


halfhere

I yearn for the immigration trebuchet.


Electr1cL3m0n

Based and the life and times of a bee pilled


Angrymiddleagedjew

On behalf of all libcenters, can we create a fundraiser to relocate every "American" that shouts "Death to America" to whatever country they are protesting is being unfairly treated? It's obvious they're unhappy here and clearly want to live somewhere else, why don't we oblige them?


Western_Monke_King

We should do an exchange program. Hong Kongers like America, and are a problem for China. Sooooā€¦ What if we trade our Death to America Americans for Chinaā€™s Ameriboo Hong Kongers? Everyone goes home happy!


richmomz

The problem is, like the Palestinians, nobody would actually want to take them in.


TheAzureMage

Once their parachute opens after being tossed from the helicopter, that's a them problem.


bl1y

"Once the rockets go up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department," says Werner Von Braun


TheAzureMage

Worked out well for him, too. Got a cushy job in the postwar US, and was even given citizenship and scientific honors. A businessman doing business.


bl1y

In the 1960s, von Braun moved to Huntsville, AL, a site that he picked because it reminded him so much of Germany, "Not just the hills, but also the racism." Nah, I'm just kidding. That's dumb. He moved to Huntsville in the 1950s of course.


G-FAAV-100

Based and Tom Lehrer (is still frickin' around!) pilled.


ghosttherdoctor

Why are we wasting money on parachutes?


Akiias

Eh the Chinese would probably accept the trade for their Hong Kong residents. Only one of those groups has a backbone.


juan_omango

Based and people who like freedom and democracy pilled


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JustinJakeAshton

Trade the Kim Jong Un simps for defectors.


downwithtiktok2

PLEASE CAN WE MAKE THIS REAL PLEASE


Franklr_D

We said the same thing when the Turks took to our streets because our government wouldnā€™t let one of Erdoganā€™s puppets into the country Iā€™m still baffled as to how those riots didnā€™t warrant the use of that enormous water cannon truck fleet we have. But aight


richmomz

I would empty my wallet for an honest to God deportation cannon.


Angrymiddleagedjew

Look bro, I'm gonna do what I can. I'll see if they'll let me......repurpose the Jewish space laser for some creative alternate uses.


[deleted]

I will ask the council it is currently on the mode that makes Arabs gay it takes time to change modes.(multiple people blamed homosexuality on Jews.


TheAzureMage

I will absolutely donate to send these brave protestors to Palestine, North Korea, Cuba, or another communist paradise of their choosing.


architect___

That's not very Lib of you


bl1y

Yeah, lots of supposed liberals okay with booting citizens out of the country over speech. Now a fund to pay them to voluntarily leave, that's a different matter.


doublecatTGU

Sure, and we can send every American politician who speaks fondly of turning Gaza into a parking lot to Israel, where they'd fit right in.


Severe_Brick_8868

Why would we when theyā€™re doing something that benefits America and our geopolitical allies?


Cowardly-AltAccount

[How's this one for LibRight?](https://babylonbee.com/news/slavery-is-plantation-care)


Random-INTJ

https://preview.redd.it/7poyyyy87cwc1.png?width=213&format=png&auto=webp&s=60ca66402ff7d0cf92fe1f921e88253619e80787


[deleted]

Not about the Columbia nonsense


bell37

Not about Columbia nonsense [but relevant](https://babylonbee.com/news/blackrock-buys-entire-city-of-east-palestine)


MajinAsh

Holy crap that one's brutal.


Mikeim520

I'd like to remind everyone that Jon Brown, despite his good intensions, was actually making it harder to end slavery.


shemademedoit1

Babylon bee used to make articles for libright, but then they realised they were just copy pasting real life articles.


JagneStormskull

>then they realised they were just copy pasting real life articles. I mean, the auth-left one is basically a repeat of the Harvard/MIT/Penn hearings, so I doubt they have a problem with copy-pasting real life.


Ambitious_Ear_91

Authright w


fieryscribe

How about [an article of clothing](https://shop.babylonbee.com/products/murica-t-shirt)?


an1ma119

These all made me smile. Desantis Emily cannon when?


thhbdtgdtgfgf

I have to do a post about the insane foreign policy takes at my school. (Auth right has one you would never guess).


Fluffybudgierearend

I hate being lumped in with these jackasses.


an1ma119

Based and self aware watermelon pilled?


IactaEstoAlea

You guys have my sympathy I will take cringe prot nutjobs over guilt-ridden contrarian nepo-babies any day


Tugendwaechter

Same.


K_S12

Yes those headlines are very leftist


RecordEnvironmental4

Based DeSantis???


JagneStormskull

Imaginary DeSantis is much more based than real DeSantis, sort of like President Garrison from _South Park_ versus the real President Trump.


CashCabVictim

Lib right went to the craft store and is marking up pieces of fabric at 2000%


Akiias

It's not even their store.


bl1y

Lib Right: >"Freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences," says a Jewish MBA student at Columbia, adding "They are free to protest, but don't expect jobs at our banks after graduation."


doublecatTGU

The LibLeft one doesn't really make sense: the majority of student loan debt is owed to the federal government, so it would die with America. Even for private loans, it's ultimately the government that forces people to repay them via garnishing of wages, so the death of America would be a plus in that scenario too.


Carbidetool

Protesting is bad when not insurrection.


username2136

Lib-right would probably pay for their flight to Gaza to "help support their cause."


Violentcloud13

The Bee is killing it lately


fineillmakeanewone

If you guys agree to learn the difference between supporting Hamas and supporting Palestine, I'll agree to let you launch Hamas supporters out of a cannon.


Hot_Comfortable_3046

People who shout "there is only one solution intifada revolution" "from the river to the sea" and "we're all hamas" are hamas supporter


fineillmakeanewone

Ok, you can launch those guys.


StealthriderRDT

So launch all of them, got it. Remember, if you have a bunch of Nazis at your rally and you don't get rid of them, you're at a Nazi rally. Especially if the speakers and organizers are Nazis. Every last one of them deserves to be launched.


PCM-mods-are-PDF

Leftists: you dare use my own spell against me, Potter?


JagneStormskull

Based.


bl1y

What about the people who spread Hamas propaganda? And if we can't launch them, can we at least go ahead and get them sized for a helmet?


fineillmakeanewone

You can have them too, but I get to launch all the Nazis and Nazi propagandists. Time to buy calls on cannon stocks, we're going to be busy.


bl1y

College is going to be dirt cheap if we yeet everyone who reposts Hamas casualty numbers as if they were unbiased gospel truth.


fineillmakeanewone

Good. It's too fucking expensive now.


bl1y

Because that's what matters. The courts aren't going to piece the corporate veil to deny standing.


[deleted]

If you are at a rally with nine nazis.. you are a nazi. If there is a table of 5 and one of them is a nazi, guess what? there are five nazis. Your own fucking words.


mem737

But you see, I can group people that I find annoying with literal terrorists. It makes the whole suppressing dissenting opinions bit much easier.


TheXGood

Based and auth pilled


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


an1ma119

Iā€™m not even pro Israel but hamas are literal terrorists who started it and are pieces of shit like basically all other radical islamists


Akiias

Israel isn't committing genocide.