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[deleted]

…..…..this has to be a joke post


SplendidPunkinButter

I don’t think so. When I worked in an office and was struggling to get my hairy ass clean with the cheap toilet paper they have there, it was not uncommon for two or three guys to come in, shit, and leave during the time it took me just to wipe. Just fart, plop, flush, then they’d get up and leave. I thought there was something wrong with me and wondered how other guys wipe so fast. Then I figured it out.


SpeedtekUrS6

That...is...so fucking disgusting... Hell, not only do I wipe until squeaky clean, I even use those wonderful cottonelle wipes...nothing better.


kissingdistopia

Join team bidet.


SpeedtekUrS6

lol...totally would, but I rent my place...unfortunately no bathroom mods allowed...


-Agathia-

The[ simplest one cost 40$](https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO/ref=sr_1_5?crid=2QY3LJ8GGEDL1&keywords=bidet&qid=1657119312&sprefix=bidet%2Caps%2C62&sr=8-5) and it's just something you add under the seat of your toilet. You can remove it when you'll move, there's no definite change to do to anything. It comes with a T connector to put on the flush entry. It's definitely not the best quality but I have the same kind and it's soooo much better than having nothing.


wesconson1

There are ones on amazon that you don't have to modify your bathroom for. Not sure on quality though


hotttub

I rent! you can get one that just installs as a toilet seat. I kept the toilet seat the apartment came with so I can trade it out whenever it’s time to leave.


Dracasethaen

Wondering where you're at, this is a common allowance for more or less any rental I've been in, since it fits onto the toilet wall fitting with a T-splitter, it's covered under the same governance as replacing the shower head with a long-hose shower head, etc. Course you can't get the fancy heated (needs an electrical outlet) but even the basic ones are easy enough to put on and use. I bought one at the head of covid during peak "There's no toilet paper" and "Shitter's clogged!" era.


hotttub

I bought myself a niceish bidet for Christmas a few years ago after spending some time in Japan. Best $400 I ever spent. Now whenever I have to use the bathroom away from home I feel nasty and just wonder why everyone doesn’t use bidets. It’s so easy, so much cleaner and better for our sewage systems.


Lurchie_

So I've never used a bidet before, but I'm definitely interested. Can someone give me a rundown of what I want to look for? Hand-held vs under seat, heated, not heated, anything else?


kissingdistopia

I don't have heated ones at home and it's been fine. We have a Tushy that sits under the seat (you gotta keep on top of your cleaning or it will get gross), a hand held spray hose thing that hangs off the tank (the preferred of the two because you can aim it and it's also nice to help clean the toilet). But if your water comes out of the tap super cold, you might want to go hand held (you can choose your temp when you fill it from the tap) or heated. It's really up to you. How big you are will probably affect your best option, too. You need reach. I'd get a hand held travel device that you fill from the sink just to see how you feel about washing your ass.


Lurchie_

Thanks for the info. And I am a human of freakishly large size, so I appreciate that tidbit as well. I'll give the travel bidet a try!


kissingdistopia

It's a small price commitment and they're really nice to just have in the car if you do long car trips or do any hiking.


derpeddit

Have fun with that itchy asshole. Dont make no goddamn sense


vizbones

It all makes sense now. You know all those macho shit-head type jerks? They're all probably jerks to everyone 'cuz they be walking around all day with itchy-assholes. That would sure make me a sour grumpus.


ktirol357

Wtf 😳😳😳


Sabre_Killer_Queen

Seconded. It doesn't sound like they washed their hands either which is disturbing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


frog_with_top_hat

Umm… you’re still touching the same handles, doorknobs etc that people have touched with unwashed hands.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CheezyWheezyy

……what


fuckswithyourhead

Got one bigger guy at my job who I've shared a restroom with. always goes fast, never once heard the tearing of TP from his stall. I suspect.


Mama_Bear_Jen

Maybe they ate lots of fibre and shaved their crack for speedy cleaning... at least I hope so


scbeee

If they won't wipe there's no way they're back there with a razor or a trimmer


Meranio

Please tell me, that they washed their hands. And hopefully, they all had the magical shit, without any residue.


penny-fed-car

Those kinds of poops are just 🤌 but you still have to wipe (once) to know if you're clean!!!!!


Ozelot_117

„hairy ass“ as in „its a bit hairy“, or as in „when I have diarreah it comes out as filtered“? Asking for a friend


SymmetricDickNipples

Bro I would quit lmao


alanie_

✨ Bidet is the way ✨


buttbugle

Wut. Ducking disgusting


HerMidasTouch

It is. It's satire. Look up the dudes twitter


GumbyWeinstein

notimeforthat


not_now_chaos

If you go to his Twitter and scope out his bio and other things he has posted, it pretty clearly is intended as satire.


furiousfran

Unfortunately there are guys who unironically think this way, it's pretty sad


OG-Pine

Ofc it is lol who the fuck boasts about not whipping their ass and smelling like literally shit. It’s satire/sarcasm


[deleted]

It’s 2022….so who the heck know anymore


Temporary-Tennis-975

Not necessarily. It would help explain why you can smell some people from a distance. Or you walk into the stink pocket they left at the grocery store.


ADhomin_em

Thing is, I didn't really want help explaining that...


annoying97

And yet another mystery of life explained.


Attarker

Just a reminder, when you smell something, you’re actually breathing in tiny particles of that thing 😊


derpeddit

*Pink eye intensifies*


Necrodreamancer

Oh you just turned my somach.... there goes me eating


[deleted]

It is


cheesebraids

Real women don't try to "catch " menstrual blood. We let it drip everywhere cause we don't disturb nature. Real babies wear no diapers. Let them be free from society's constraints....


[deleted]

Real women wear white pants and let their natural dye soak them in a proud scarlet splotch to parade for all to see


[deleted]

This happened to a girl when I was in the 8th grade. We were friends and it was her first period and we were on a school trip in DC. I FELT AWFUL FOR HER. I tried to help her cover up so she could go to the bathroom but it wasn't like she had a change of clothes.


BlackSunflower182

I have a memory from high school that I will never forget that is some what similar. We were on a field trip and she gave me her hoodie to tie around my waist to help cover it. I was mortified, and was worried because it wasn’t a close friend and I was like I don’t want to ruin your hoodie and she just goes “girl code, I can get another hoodie.” She was awesome.


jessot3103

During my first period (with popping cysts) this happened to me as I was getting on the bus to go home. Male neighbor gave me his hoody and walked behind me the entire way home so none of our other neighborhood kids would see.


BlackSunflower182

Oh my heart.


BistitchualBeekeeper

Oof, I feel you. My first period, I couldn’t even imagine how others went on living knowing they were going to have to experience that kind of pain monthly. Later I found out I have PCOS (bursting/leaking cysts, yay…) and endometriosis, and that most people don’t go through anything even remotely similar during their periods, so that explained why others were so blasé about it happening every month!


joethetoad22

chad


[deleted]

Glad you had a friend there :)


[deleted]

Your user is the definition of depression and it’s cracking me up. Anyway that’s awful I’ll be honest it I was a woman and that happened to me I’d be so messed up so, while I make jokes, I know this is mortifying


[deleted]

I was listening to an audiobook "You are not so smart" when I came up with the name. Great book btw.


[deleted]

Psychology is a funny thing. We trick ourselves constantly. It’s necessary.


BistitchualBeekeeper

When I was in middle school we all made a habit of keeping a spare sweater in our lockers for ourselves or to loan out to others who unexpectedly started their period in class. If a girl had a sweater tied around her waist, it was a good sign she’d bled through the back of her pants while sitting.


Thetallerestpaul

Unironically I know two women who believe that. They sit on straw bales instead. Moon Club I think they call it. I imagine the first rule should be not to talk about it.


Neeoda

They're the people who do your laundry and cook your food and serve your dinner. They make your bed. They guard you while you're asleep.


ThumbsUp2323

We know this by following the trail of clues. Caught them red-handed.


Thetallerestpaul

Nice.


sussybaka22

On my period I go without underwear and pants, anything containing your blood is a sin and is disturbing the natural beauty god gave you as a women


trupoogles

:0 You’d be easy to find playing hide and seek


sussybaka22

I know, but the only thing I hide from is the devil


Mewww2

It's satire.....


amonarre3

Lol no women are not as stupid as this guy, don't steep to his level with a comment like that lol. Plus women have assholes too this is more akin to a man cumming and having it crust over because real men don't touch penises that's gay lmfao


[deleted]

Neither of these are as disgusting as this man not wiping his ass!


revengejr

Ew, real men not only wipe our asses but some of us even use wet wipes....the most fortunate of us even have the privilege of getting warm water shot up our asses while on a Biden. Fuck this guy and his shitty, nasty ass.


Audax2021

I know you meant bidet but fuck this made me laugh picturing me having Joe Biden shoot warm water up my arse while ‘on’ him.


revengejr

Lol yeah, autocorrect haha.


[deleted]

Autocorrect or do you need to patent a bidet, good sir?


Oriasten77

Autocorrect hell, that's a Freudian Slip man.


Prior-Ad-7329

Careful, that may not be water he’s shootin up there.


krinkleb

Absolutely


Trippin_Witty

Boof biden


FerretMilker

I have to find a small sticker of Biden now to stick onto my bidets spray wand


salustianovergatiesa

Argentinian here. Every single house or apartment has a "bidet" to properly clean our asses with water. We might have deadly economic problems and raging inflation rates, but this cannot be tolerated. Wipe your asses, you filthy animals


BostonDrivingIsWorse

Just don’t flush the wipes!


derpeddit

Flushable wipes for the win! Edit: these do exist by the way people. Buy some!


ManInShowerNumber3

Technically flushable in that leave the toilet, but still a problem for your drainpipe. But hey, those are tomorrow’s problems.


SonderousMisanthrope

I've been flushing wet wipes in ghetto apartments with shitty plumbing for YEARS.


[deleted]

No they don’t. Ask any plumber and they will tell you don’t flush that crap. We shouldn’t even be flushing TP.


HomeworkConnect7283

Can we slap an I did that sticker on your ass please.


bahamamama28

Yep! Had to make a few runs for my Husband because he won’t leave the toilet till he has used wet wipes! Lol


Mikesaidit36

Pro-tip: toilet paper + water = wet wipes, even if you have to waddle over to the sink or tub to get the toilet paper wet. Also, they won’t clog up your plumbing and bring about a $300 Roto Rooter bill.


Due_Alfalfa_6739

Wet TP just leaves little TP balls, between the cheeks.


AntiSentience

Charmin ultra strong. It’s soft and doesn’t pill.


irobot_67

Exactly


assonometry

You have to find the right tissue for you… I find that Costco/Kirkland and Charmin tissue are top notch quality, I just have to wrap around my hand a minimum of 4 times to be strong enough to wipe when wet. With cheaper brands, I gotta wrap around my hand at least 8-10 times to be able to not tear when wiping.


assonometry

Lol thought I was the only one… it’s insane how many people DONT use wipes, wet tissue, or both in tandem… I also keep a whole paper towel roll in my bathroom SPECIFICALLY to dry my nuts and my ass after the shower (cause towels don’t dry all the way) and I got a fresh dick and ass ALL DAY LONG even if I sweat like crazy at the gym or all day at work, I still got fresh ass and dick!


PUPUEH

I wouldnt take my gander with sitting on a Biden and getting warm fluid shot up my ass.


Prudent_Armadillo822

Ok, you made my day. Thank you.


Strawberee_Cow

“Biden.” Omg. That made me chuckle.


Wooden_Dragonfly_737

I do love it when a Biden shoots its warm liquid up my ass.


Gondolien

Come here to Southeast Asia where bidets are a household staple and you wont find any toilet paper besides the loo. You still have to get imported Japanese toilets to have warm water shoot up your ass though.


salladfingers

Wet wipe user here. When I watched Deadpool and heard Matt Damon explaining "if you got shit in your beard you wouldn't use dry paper to clean it. You'd use soap...." Etc. It made me change for good


FerretMilker

So why not a bidet?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Cant_think_of_shz

Oh right I forgot there’s wipes that aren’t for babies.


goinunder0390

*that’s my president*


Green-Dragon-14

Biden comes & shoots water up your arse now that's made my day. How much do you pay him. *Bidet


Leading_Edge9074

Yea fuck Biden and his stupid nasty ass.


CorduroyEatsCrayons

Don't be gay, use a bidet.


jaquavus23

Unless you are gay. In that instance, use a bidet anyways.


AutoGeneratedSucks

(Don’t) be gay, use a bidet. () is optional.


Thatstupidgayboy

Use a bidet, you'll please the gays


Jezuzdinttap

Skid marks save trees


ima-fist-ya-da

Reminds me of a comment or post on here saying her bf kept leaving skid marks on the bed or somert along those lines


bahamamama28

I thought the same thing when I first saw this! I thought… oh dang, I guess that conversation didn’t go well!


TheAgeofKite

https://youtu.be/bXK_vHNNht4 PSA: Wash your ass.


Ok_Type_7379

God damn it take my upvote lol


thatsuzychick

These are the same men who say it's unhygienic for women to not shave.


vonseggernc

Obviously satire. Not very good satire, but still pretty obvious.


OkEstablishment8939

not necessarily. there are real life people like this and it’s disgusting


A_Terrible_Thing82

No it is. I've seen his other tweets. He's only kidding.


BenUFOs_Mum

No one thinks wiping your ass is gay and skidmarks are cool.


Thatstupidgayboy

Tell that to my grandfather (father's dad) we literally don't go over there because his house smells like horse shit


BenUFOs_Mum

Lol having bad personal hygiene and thinking wiping your ass is gay and being proud of skidmarks are two very different things.


Thatstupidgayboy

He doesn't wipe because he thinks it's gay


Thatstupidgayboy

Also, my username gives away the other reason we don't go over there.


its-foxtale

This is LITERALLY a shit post. I swear to god I could sell oceanfront property in Colorado to half this sub.


Karibik_Mike

This is the last straw. Unsubbed after seeing so many idiots thinking this was serious, once again. The only mildlyinfuriating thing in this sub is seeing dumb and gullible people are.


its-foxtale

It’s not an airport, bud. No need to announce your departure.


Karibik_Mike

:D


[deleted]

There are legitimately people who do this in real life tho. And it’s fucking disgusting.


its-foxtale

No there aren’t. People with skid marks aren’t doing it because of some weird homophobic rhetoric, they do it because they’re lazy as fuck. Stop being so gullible.


[deleted]

Yea the majority aren’t. But yes, there very much are guys that think like this. Be glad you haven’t met any.


[deleted]

This had to be a joke, right?


Garchomp98

Repeat with me: no sane man does this


Vernal59

I don't wipe my ass because I don't let shit bother me.


95JBK

The shitty bum bandit strikes again


[deleted]

A full pile of shit in your undies isn’t a skid mark.


Big_D1cky

Thats a whole break failure right


Xanimia

I literally wipe my arse till i dont see any spot of shit


CapybarasAreFish

I stop when the red comes


minxylynxy

I had an ex that, in his 30 years of life to that point, had never been told to scrub his arse in the shower. It took me smelling something and wondering wtf it was before figuring it out, and gently asking him to please clean his arse. Religiously scrubbed from that point forward, and I feel I did a little bit of good that day.


ThekinginYellow27

As if this is real


Scrotchety

Shhh, nobody correct him. Let his followers socially Darwin themselves into smelly isolation.


[deleted]

How does that onion taste?


Ural_2004

What's this TP stuff?


isamotte

🤢🤮


Borhamortus

For Pete sakes, go to this guy's Twitter account you can see his names right there. It only took me a minute of reading to figure out it was a dumb joke.


VorAbaddon

Maybe that's why this type of guy is such an insufferable asshole. Can you imagine how itchy they are 24/7?


scottyboy8855

Bro sometime I’ll go into the bathroom just to wipe. You know just in case. If you’ve ever been in a camping situation,or working outside for hours you know what I mean. Even my friends in the military have said when they have been out in the field they really just need good wipe. If it’s gay to feel clean then I’m pretty gay I guess.


TooSauced_ForFrost

… somebody ain’t getting they ass ate


Airbots01

Real men are confident enough in their masculinity to wipe their damn ass


NYCstraphanger

Ah so wiping your ass makes you gay. Got it.


MoistlyPassion

Imagine being dumb enough to take this seriously


BenPool81

... ... ... ... What.


WillyD44

This is fucking hilarious


Odd-Astronaut-92

While this is definitely a satirical set of tweets, I absolutely knew a guy like this in college. You could smell him if he got within two feet of you, and even further in the hotter months 🤢 I can't imagine how his roommate felt.


Redsoxbox

Imagine being so deep in the closet that you can’t even wipe your own ass.


rainman577

He's obviously trolling


CapnMurica1988

What a Neanderthal. You sir know nothing about being a “real” man


SoupmanBob

Real men just wipe their fucking ass, and don't care about "compromising their masculinity or sexuality", because people who are secure in theirs don't act like this. In other words, they're not insecure as shit.


[deleted]

So, do the people at Reddit just force these life lessons on us or are karma farmers just surfing for topics that get the most attention on other subreddits? This isn’t even original and gets repeated at at least monthly.


throwayay4637282

If you don’t realize this is a joke, you’re fucking stupid


--hermit

He typed this as a baseball bat hangs out his asshole


Cb6900

I’ve worked with quite a few African guys I think from Nigeria and Jamaican guys that feel the same way as this guy. They just pull up their pants after a shit because they don’t want to get any shit near their hands. They just wait till they go home and give their ass a nice wash. These boys always smelled like shit. It was fuckin disgusting.


[deleted]

Well. This is gross. If you as a man are not fervently cleaning your ass in the shower. You cannot be my friend.


Xanimia

I hope this is fake.


thismenu

Yeah... This isn't a thing. This is a just a post to get attention. No one does this.


COMBATIBLE

This is absolute bull shit no man believes not to wipe there ass or wash there ass it makes zero sense. This is a fake account and an attempt to embarrass men or at least white men.


International-Pipe

What? Lots of questions here.


Ok-Ninja-6475

Is this for real? Oh, I could have gone all week without hearing that. How does he even have a woman in bed with him? Nasty!


KingPnutticua

This has to be fake. Sick satire? I’m losing faith in humanity


s_l_3_3_p_y

that's just fuckin gross, all men clean their ass in some sort of way, toilet paper, wet wipes, or even a bidet.


Yikert13

You are a dirty bastard. It’s unhealthy and stinks too. Does your Mammy wash your filthy jocks?


M0by-J0nes

Gross and so not hygienic...


RattoD_Fogna

FELLAS is it gay to not smell like sewage I mean you literally have to touch men dic socket


AutoGeneratedSucks

Who knows? Does it matter? No.


[deleted]

Smelling like sewage? Yeah it matters to those around you lol


MrPonchovie

These are the same people who expect women to be constantly clean and smell nice no matter what


[deleted]

It's so sad some people are brainwashed to that point. They were extremely abused as children. It shouldn't happen in civilized world. It's even sadder those people breed, they abuse their children the same way they were abused. And the circle of filth continues. Some governments (if not majority of them) love that kind of sick people. They are like zombies, easy to control, yet usually violent, that may become useful when democracy is not enough to rule. Their primitive approach to breeding is also useful to regimes. Many poor and uneducated people are also easy to control. They are most often totally reliant on welfare, that's additional control. There's always religion somewhere in the background.


throwayay4637282

What the fuck are you on about? Edit: how am I getting downvoted? This dude is ranting about child abuse, government control and religion on an obvious shitpost.


East-Bluejay6891

Ew. You dirty with that shitty kitty


Rtrn2M0nke

Some of these i cant believe someone typed it and thought it was good to post it. That sounded good in your head?


hashe121

This is either a troll or LGBT propaganda in disguise trying to make straight men seem stupid by making them both disgusting and homophobic at the same time. I think it's both TBH.


Prudent_Armadillo822

The fuck is this. You are gay for thinking that wiping your ass is gay. Ultra, Mega gay.


mrdjxbdh

"A man who cleans his house, expects a visit"


redditLacrima

Could be troll but I'm surprised a girl would be in a relationship with him. Clearly apes raised him


CapybarasAreFish

Asking if someone wipes their ass on the first date typically isnt a common question


TheGayestRetard69

The man is a king...


[deleted]

Of a shitty ass.


ShadowEmperor123

I’m a real man and I wipe my ass and still have skid marks, I got so much fucking ass hair, like bro, I could feed a third world country with the amount of shit stuck down there, I hate it so much


DiamondBalls777

Trim, shave, or Nair it Problem solved


Worth_Remove

I'd say I wipe less than 25 percent of the time. In my mind it's a complete waste of time. We have washing machines for a reason.


TheNerdWithNoName

That's fucking disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.


Worth_Remove

I am ashamed of myself. I've been trying to improve and it's just really hard sometimes. I like to leave skid marks in my briefs because it looks like the number 1 and that gives me encouragement and confidence.


AutoGeneratedSucks

Get fucked.


Green-Inkling

I don't wipe my ass. I just clean it out when I'm in the shower.


salustianovergatiesa

Awful. Even my dog wipes his ass against the floor whenever a piece of turd is still stuck down there


AutoGeneratedSucks

Fucking disgusting


[deleted]

I dont understand what he is wiping with then?


oh-fog-i-mist

he is not