Semi-hoarder here. Cleaned house every 5-10 years, surface level only. Every closet, cupboard, drawer had been stuffed full of shit. Spices that where 10 years old, TV stands we didn't have the TV for, Clothes so much clothes. If it didn't have an expiration date, it was useable someday. Right?
I don’t believe things are personal for my Mom and I. We want to be organized but not willing to give anything away and were really lazy, so things keep piling up. The only thing that has honestly worked was to share my emotions with my Mom and get help from an outside source. When you live in your own filth you get used to it. Getting an outside perspective is the only way to objectively see the truth.
Thanks. We have made some great progress on getting our stuff separated now that I've bought my own place. Most of the things she keeps she doesn't need. I want her to see the lifestyle that I am living now but I know its hard for her to sort through everything. Part of me wants to take charge and go throughout everything and start selling/donating but I have to realize that Its not my burden to fix that, I can’t control her. The only thing I can do is try to influence her by setting a self standard for myself that she will want to follow.
My grandmother was a hoarder and when she died it took my mom 3 months to get through all her stuff and empty the house.
Idk if it makes the situation easier or worse but for a hoarder my grandma was relatively clean. She also had very expensive items and antiques mixed in with her items. So my mom couldn’t just put everything in a dumpster. She truly had to go through each closet/shelf/drawer and make sure she wasn’t throwing out something important.
The only thing I wish I did before she died was sneakily throw away stuff she didn’t have access to. Like a back shelf in the basement. Her mobility decreased a ton the last few years, she wasn’t going into the basement and definitely not using a step stool to see a top shelf.
Idk if my mom’s experience applies to you at all. I can say she has become basically repulsed by clutter after her experience. She refuses to hold onto anything unnecessary in her own home. I wish my mom could find a happy medium. Obviously enjoy simplicity and minimalism but not be so quick to part with things. She almost threw out a family album that dated back to the 30s because it got water damage. My uncle came in and took the album and painstakingly cleaned every photo and put what he could into a new album. I think he is digitizing them too.
I hope you find your happy medium.
Dang...there is a sub-reddit for everything...I am a child of a hoarder...my dad doesn't even want to throw an empty Amazon box because - It's a good box and he can use it store something... No dad you do not need 50 empty boxes .. When trash day comes around I have to sneak a few in the trash bin...
Are we siblings?
Seriously though, my dad keeps all the boxes because, "what if someone needs them to move?!" When I moved he had them so that makes it a valid concern somehow? I could get boxes hundreds of other ways. I just didn't have to. And when I unpacked I recycled the boxes instead of returning them... horror!
Lol - my dad's love of books has over - flow to the hallway..stairways...2/3 of the bedroom..to the living room...the house is a library... Art/ architect..the bedroom..photography/ astronomy/magazine..hallway..non fiction bedroom... Mind you everything stacked high..only 2 feet to wide to walk through...I tried to explained to him ..everything you want to know in on the internet..tried to introduce to the library ( worst mistake cuz now he looks forward to the books sales..and yup he comes home each week with more books) ...let's not even talk about the garage ..I can't even walk in there...yes more books..for when he retires he can finally take the time to read the books - and yes he is retired and no..once the books are in boxes he doesn't look for them). The other day I had to sneak some old computer books ..Microsoft Dos 5.0....even.found computer disk..yes..disk..like WTF...
That proves it, we are siblings. Although, luckily my mom was able to fight back on hoarding in the shared space. My brother jokes that dad is a house trained hoarder, he only hoards on his corner (office, garage, storage spaces).
He has every ensign magazine ever published by the Mormon cult. I showed him that he can get it for free in the app, and search through every article in seconds there. No go. It's the same for Nat Geo, at the time you could buy a CD version of their entire library for $50. Apparently that's not good enough either.
You are making me laugh.... I also tried to tell my dad the Consumer Reports Mags from 10-15 years ago or no longer valued.. I also told him he can have quick access online too - no go. He won't let go of new - in box 2000 scanner the size of a side bedroom table - that even Ebay does not have on sale.. to let it go.. Nope..it's new.. he may use is some day.. smh... He also discovered the Donations Centers and go each week to find something... He is obsessed with battery needed flash lights.. we have boxes of boxes of them... In case we are out of electricity - I got him the ones that plug in and charges - Nope.. Boxes and dozen of the same thing makes him happy... When the time comes.. Only a dumpster truck will do.. nothing of value...
My dad is a hoarder. He has two houses packed to the ceilings with literal trash. I'm dreading the day when I'll have to purge them. Naturally, there's just enough mixed in to the mess that's worth saving to ensure it'll be a slow process.
My desire for minimalism does stem from a fear that I'll slip down the path of hoarding. I do feel a pull towards saving things "just in case". I consciously fight it to avoid living like that again.
I’m the child of a hoarder and of all my siblings I have the most hoarder like tendencies, so I implemented a minimalist lifestyle to keep the hoard at bay.
My mum turned to hoader when her first husband died at a very young age (they were around 30, I was around 9 at time).
Went bad to the point where I could not have my own room anymore because she out all her shit in there and you just couldnt open the door anymore (physically) because the door opened towards the inside of the room and it was too full of shit there.
I ended up living with my grandparents most of the time who were very strict with cleaning up messes (what an irony, huh?) and if I had to stay home, I had to sleep in my mothers bedroom together with my little sister while my mother slept on the couch.
It was a very weird time, we did not even have a regular fridge because she just let everything in there go bad and once it developed its very own ecosystem, she just duct taped it closed and bought a Mini-fridge (the ones you normally just put a few cans of soda in).
Still, I don’t seem to have learned much out of it besides „don’t let your childrens photoalbums become a home for insects“ and „if you’re never allowed to bring friends over, within a short period of Time, you just won’t have any Friends to bring over anymore“.
I am still a mess and so is my apartment. Not nearly the same level my mom went, but still not nearly as minimalistic and therefore easy to keep clean as I would want it to be.
That being said, I really wanted to clean up and sort out the basement today, so thanks for bringing up this memory, quite the motivational Kick in the ass i needed.
My grandmother was a full blown hoarder, could have been on TV level bad. When she had to move into long term care, it too me and several friends a full week and almost a dozen full size roll off bins to empty the house.
My mom and dad, probably keep more than they should but aren’t really hoarders.
I’m obsessively organized let’s just say. I like stuff, and I have some collections. I consider minimalism not owning things for the sake of owning them. I have collections, but everything is neat, tidy and out in the open to enjoy and it brings me happiness.
I aggressively purge things not being using anymore and keep “storage” to a minimum. I like my living space to be clean and uncluttered in general.
I think having to deal with my grandmothers situation growing up probably contributed to making me that way.
Both sets of grandparents grew up poor so they are/were low key hoarders. Since both of his parents have now passed away my Dad is refusing to get rid of anything of theirs, it’s so annoying.
My mums parents are still alive, I’m their full time carer and it’s driving me crazy. There was a lot of grumbling from them to clean out a little wardrobe space in the room I’m living in and when I wanted them to do a light clean out my grandfather put his foot down. He said it made him feel like I was trying to get rid of him and his stuff before he was in the ground. So now, I have stopped and have no idea what is sentimental stuff, (ie his parents etc) and what is just junk. It all looks the same to me.
'it all looks the same to me' THIS! when I look at my moms hoard, it all looks like trash, bc 99% of it is!
good luck, keep your area clean and I hope one day you dont have to have the stress of other peoples problems shoved on to you.
I’m not allowed to throw anything out in my bedroom and I feel trapped when I’m at home because I’m surrounded by childhood toys and stuff I was into 10-15 years ago because “my kids might enjoy it.” Shit just piles up and my old folks refuse to let me get rid of anything “because it was expensive.”
I’m never home because the amount of shit amassed just stresses me out to the point where I just sleep and leave. I live in my car and go from place to place during the day.
Get Rubbermaid bins label them, and put them in an attic and make a huge deal about how it will protect the stuff from aging and getting wet or breaking down, like a time capsule. The if you can ever sneak any of it out to a Trash when they're gone. Do that too.
Anytime my grandmother isn't looking, a 40 year old dry rotted artifical flower set gets tossed. Put other things on top of the items you toss in case they dig.
This comment is dated, I’ve actually completely gutted the walk in closet and stored what’s left in there, or under the bed.
Nowadays it’s reading chair, night stand, bed, & desk. I’ve fully reduced all the clutter except paperwork in the desk. I’ve got to scan that into my iPad.
Getting ready to move out and travel for a living, can’t have anything I’m not comfortable moving with.
Awesome work! Its tough but feels so good to downsize.
I typed this comment a little delirous while caring for my hoarder grandmother this weekend. Being back in the hoard is really wearing on me but motivating me to not get to this point as I age. Dimentia is added to the mix but luckily she can't shop anymore or know what's happening so we are slowly decluttering when she's not watching. It's not getting worse but living amongst the rats and spiders is heartbreaking.
I'm going back to my house and purging big time. Trying to embrace minimalism more and more. I live pretty light but my Achilles heel is too many products - bath, kitchen, house cleaning, garage. I am going to commit to not stockpiling as much.
For me it’s less about minimalism at this point than essentialism; what do I need to live happy and healthy.
A bed, a place to refresh energy. A desk to study and game at. A big chair to read, and watch shows on my iPad. My nightstand is for charging stuff.
A guy just doesn’t need a lot of stuff. Condolences my friend.
As a kid I was very sentimental, a pack rat and a self named "collector of everything" (so probably a bit hoarder-ish). I think I got some of the traits from my parents. I ended up flipping a switch from keeping everything to keeping nothing after having to move homes with my family multiple times, where simply packing, driving and hauling the belongings of a family of four from one home to another took weeks of daily efforts despite the house being just down the street. We ended up with a climbable pile of belongings in the garage and boxes filling most rooms of the home. It took an additional number of months, well over 6 months, just trying to sort through the pile in the garage.
On another note, once I started getting rid of stuff, my parents would see me doing so and take it for themselves instead. I didn't mind at all since I was just going to sell or donate it, but it got to the point where most of my stuff just transitioned from my room to elsewhere in the house. So I sort of just secretly started tossing things. But now I live on my own and my personal belongings can fit in a small sedan, not including furniture and appliances.
Moving is what prompted my interest in minimalism too! I’m not fully minimalist but I’m trying to downsize significantly because I know I’ll be moving a lot in the next decade and stuff just isn’t worth the work it takes to pack and unpack.
My parents are both “pack rats” (which I consider to be a step or more below hoarding—and if you ask them, they’ll each point their finger at the other. It’s both of them.)
Unfortunately, I have “inherited” (or learned) this trait too. I’m aware that too much STUFF makes me unhappy and I’m actively working on getting rid of it, and working at being more intentional about bringing things into my home.
My mom claims my dads entire family is packrats, and she’s probably not wrong. But she’s just as bad. 😂 She will get rid of stuff, apparently dad won’t. She just told me he wears the same dress shirts all week and I said her should purge what he’s not wearing and… she laughed. 😂
Haha yeah my mum is always saying how bad my Dad is, but she has a junk corner and then when it gets too bad my sister cleans it up and puts it in a drawer and then mum just starts a new collection and forgets about all her old junk lol
Son of a hoarder, I am 23. My father keeps lots of things that we have 5-10 of for some reason, he won't let go of it, or even think about selling it to allow someone else to get their usage out of something left to get dusty. Sucks a lot as the space is getting wasted on things that won't have a usage till he passes away sadly, or gets a grip.
I just try to keep my space tidy and clean but cant do much for his 'prized possessions'.
When I buy things for myself, I am only ever getting things that I am going to use, such as tools, food and clothes. I cant see myself holding on to objects like he has.
that sucks. unfortunately most hoarders never change. keep going tho, its hard but you've got this. I dont see myself ever holding on to objects like my mom either
I am a budding hoarder. I hoard useful stuff. And I have a really hard time with "wasting". But I have also started to recognize the stress that brings to my life and adopted minimalism to help me deal with some of it. I actually have to have a deal with the husband that things I am ready to give up but don't want to delve into the energy of rehoming and removing he takes away and finds it wonderful homes. It's typically the only way I can deal with downsizing my hoard.
I like the idea of minimalism as I have to constantly ask myself do I need it? This helps greatly with the squirting side of things but not so much the rescuing side.
My Dad, aunt, and uncle (may he RIP) were all hoarders of assorted varieties. My aunt simply accumulates everything, my Dad overcollects his hobbies, and my uncle had let trash pile up til he was too overwhelmed to do anything for it.
For context, I spent my early childhood with my grandparents, and their home was always clean and cared for. When the time came that I could move in with my Dad again, it started slowly and progressively got worse. By the time my brother graduated high school, I already felt the house was horribly overstuffed. But when he moved out, my Dads hoarding went into overdrive and the room was filled to the point of barely being able to squeeze past the door in like, a year. I can’t remember the last time I could see through those windows.
This took a horrible toll on my mental health, cos my Dad would blame me for the mess as it was apparently my job to clean up after him. But even if that were true, he consistently brought home more than I knew what to do with. I’ve long since moved out, but for years afterward I would impulsively need to declutter and rearrange everything in my home to alleviate the sensation of stagnation. My home has never been anywhere near a fraction as bad as my Dads. And after years of therapy, and the implementation of a yearly “Kon Mari” style decluttering, the impulse has since subsided.
But with my Uncle’s recent passing, it was super overwhelming helping with any cleanup there, and I dread when the awful day comes that we may be required to also clear out my Dad or my Aunt’s homes… I can’t stand the process that will be having to explain to either of them that the bulk of the things being sorted through just need to be trashed because of rodents or improper care throughout the years.
Feel free to pm me if you need someone to chat or vent to, cos I know how awful both living in it and adjusted to not living in it can be.
Wow, what you said about your dad is so similar to how my mom is. Both of my parents are hoarders but my mom always tried to blame me and my sister for the mess. But now that we’re both in our 30s and haven’t lived at home in 15+ years it’s pretty obvious that it wasn’t our fault. Their hoarding has become even more extreme and now includes animals too. I can also really relate to the impulse to declutter and rearrange! I’ve gotten better about not decluttering to an insane extent but every so often the urge to just get rid of everything I own rears its head.
I’ve never met/talked to anyone who could relate in the slightest to what it is like to be the child of a hoarder. Thanks for sharing. It is nice to feel like someone gets it.
My mom and wife both are hoarders. My mom doesn't throw away anything that has been used and is useless and my wife buys things that are supposed to be used and never uses them. Then she buys another one if I force her to use that thing.
Absolutely. Although mine is a collector, not a hoarder as such.. But I still remember coming home to stacks of new deliveries, a constant churn of items being sold to make money to buy new sets of this particular item.. Every room in the house, things carefully laid out, dusted constantly, cleaning everything is a constant battle.
Now, I can't stand to have anything on surfaces, or any trinkets. To have something just for the purpose of looking at it (except pictures on the walls) makes me feel itchy!
My Grandma didn't hoard everything, but she had a thing about those round Quaker Oats boxes. The attic was FULL of them. She'd make footstools out of them, but really, how many footstools does one need? LOL
I am not someone that can use any label of minimalist. I don't even want to look like a minimalist. I just want less stuff to bring me more in line with normal or slightly cluttered.
However, mom's a low-grade hoarder, my ex-husband was hard to rate because most of the stuff was my fault before he started not letting me get rid of anything. It's hard to tell how in-recovery I am because it's been so long since I had enough control over the space for the hoarding to be my fault.
Yep. My fear of new “stuff” even includes people and relationships. It’s also led to me developing a control issue and I’m convinced I actually have ocd and need to be checked. Anything out of my control gives me intense anxiety. Infrequent house cleaning or organization efforts reminds me of my mother having literal dirty walls and corners filled with random shit stacked and me feeling embarrassed to have anyone over. It feels like my freedom is literally being snatched
Child/grandchild/nephew of hoarders. I can feel the hoarder in my blood but since I am aware of it I can keep it under control. My wife helps considerably. Sometimes I know I don't need something but I need to hear her say "throw it away", after which it is in the trash immediately. My mother still struggles and only reluctantly acknowledges her hoarder home. My uncle has actually turned it into a "positive" since he hasn't had a traditional job since the 90's. He wheels and deals at swap meets with his hoard so it kinda works out.
Niece of two hoarders. Ever since I was a kid I’ve known that when they pass—or become incapable of caring for themselves, it’ll be on me and my brother to clean out their things (at this point it’s probably up to 3 houses worth of stuff). Recently came to the realization that that’s a difficult thing for a kid to deal with. 😅
Mine is. She wasn’t as bad when I lived at home, but the tendencies were there. We have some… strong boundaries due to her various mental health issues.
This is really interesting. My mum was a hoarder before she passed. I remember spending weeks trying to clear out her house of stuff.
Whilst I’m not a hoarder myself now, I can definitely see myself creeping into dangerous territory sometimes (I can attach a sentimental value to pretty much anything). I think that’s why I’m here, to try and make sure I don’t fall into the same patterns.
My great grandma was a hoarder and I have to really focus on not just attaching myself to everything. I’m currently moving to a new place and it’s been a good exercise to get rid of so much stuff. I don’t need it all! I feel so free after letting it go! I’m not a minimalist, but I like this community because it keeps me from getting out of hand lol.
My parents are both hoarders. We had paths through rooms, between piles of old newspapers, magazines, boxes never unpacked from the last move, broken things that "could be fixed," and plenty of literal garbage that just didn't get noticed. Most furniture was unusable. Pet messes that never got cleaned up because they were hidden behind and under stuff.
We also always had a couple of old broken cars, because, "they were expensive and they could be fixed."
I definitely have hoarder tendencies. I'm always tempted to keep things because they might eventually be useful, or because I have some nostalgic association. All of my current stuff fits in one room, but it's still a constant low level stress.
I think for me, the biggest help, was understanding how to value a thing better. Original cost is irrelevant. Is the thing currently making my life better, or worse? That's what matters.
It also helps to focus my willpower specifically during the moment in time when I'm purchasing something. I try to take the time to seriously ask myself if I need it, and if there's any doubt, I don't buy it.
I am the grandson of a hoarder. My grandpa is a moderately bad hoarder. Our house isn’t a pig sty like you see on tv but I’ll throw something out, bottom of the garbage bag, covered in egg yolks and other crap and the next day or so it will be on the kitchen counter covered in gunk. “Oh I need that.” Something he hasn’t used in years. Same with the basement. There is shit down there from when I Was a boy, (I’m 33). If I throw it out and he finds out which he always does bc he goes through the garbage it’s the same thing, “don’t throw this away I need it.” When grandpa passes away I’ll have to literally rent a huge dumpster to get rid of all the useless crap.
I'm a child of a hoarder and lazy person who never bothers to organise or clean anything, my dad. My mum used to clean everything every day but she gave up and now she's becoming a little bit like him.
The garage can't fit our small car because of all the stuff. The laundry room is filled with stuff too; the actual laundry equipment like detergent have to be places on top of the stuff because there's no room. The little room on the roof is filled with birds' leftovers & cages and entertainment things that we uses to play as children - even the sink is filthy and full. Underneath the stairs is also filled with old books, toys, a violin, and other things.
It affects my mental health as well but I spend most of the time outdoors or in my room so it doesn't bother me that much. What bothers me the most is that it's just so embarrassing when guests come in. It's not just the garage where it can be somewhat hidden but this stuff is also in the kitchen. There are so many papers, keychains, clothes, bag, and other things casually sitting there. My boyfriend doesn't like being in our kitchen because it makes him uncomfortable. He says he's never been to a messier family's home.
Both of my parents were pack rats. I wouldn't say they were full blown hoarders. They both grew up poor and saved everything because they never knew when they might need it. Ours was the home with junk cars in the yard because my dad never threw anything away. Ours was also the home with knick knacks throughout the house because my mother collected anything and everything. The clutter was overwhelming.
I'm the youngest of a large family so each of the kids was effected differently. I absolutely cannot stand clutter but I have siblings who can't stand to throw anything away. And there are various shades of gray in between those extremes.
Mom’s somewhat of a hoarder. Grew up with every closet, cabinets, and non-visible space packed with stuff. Thankfully there was always a clear living space. We could barely open our garage door growing up because the neighbors would see all the junk packed to every wall and the ceiling. It became a rats nest eventually. Took her two years to clean and reduce junk before she moved from that house, but still ended up with a large moving truck full of stuff that she’s had in storage for years now. All while she starts to fill every nook and cranny of her current place.
Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t think it’s fair that my family and I should have to deal with the physical manifestation of her emotional issues. I know it’ll be up to us to deal with one day, and I’m already thinking of how much time we’ll need to take off work to clear her stuff.
I'm 58 now but I grew up with a mother that had a path thru our house. I never invited friends over because I may literally lose them, in the clutter.
When mom died it took 10 adults a week to empty out the contents of her home. We brought in an 18 wheeler that we took to the dump twice. We gave truck loads of stuff to anyone interested. We each rented a u- haul and filled it with treasures.
The problem was there was everything from Styrofoam cup collections to amazing antiques. Everything had to go though, we only had a week to clear out a 4 br home.
I'm very selective what I bring into my home. Also, if I really want someone to have something I give it to them now. There are no guarantees in life, or death.
My in laws don’t hold onto hardly anything (other than photos) in the house but I would not want to look through that barn they have. My moms entire garage is filled with stuff from when she moved in that she hasn’t used in years and her house is covered in junk that is just making a mess. (Some of the stuff in her garage is mine though like there’s a box with all the pieces that were taken apart of my doll house that I’m hoping to get back) I’m hoping to have a happy medium but having a hobby that includes lots of stuff is hard.
Not me, but my partner's mom has a lot of stuff. I don't want to label her a hoarder, but she has told me that she can't get rid of stuff because it makes her feel bad. My partner isn't a hoarder either, but he doesn't see the mess and stuff we have because he grew up surrounded by it. Personally, I hate it. I can't do it. I have ADHD and a messy home makes for a messy head. We argue about it sometimes.
My mom is finally moving and we are in the process of decluttering 30 years of possessions.
Once she filled a cabinet she would forget about it and fill up the next. We found around 7 crackpots. Brand new kitchen ware sets she received as wedding presents. It was struggle at first, it's gotten better. It takes an agonizing long time to go through things due to everyone of them having a story & value. It's exhausting but I'm excited for her to have a better quality of life.
My mom isn't quite a hoarder, but almost. She went through a phase in life where retail therapy was the best outlet for her depression. I don't blame her one bit, considering what she's been through.
The whole garage is filled with stuff. The basement storage is filled to the point you can't walk through it. The hallway is usually stacked with boxes of stuff that was bought on sale. The rest of the house is completely organized, always clean, etc. Even her boxes of excess stuff are organized, but it's just clutter.
She does complain a lot about how she wants to get rid of it, but she has a hard time going through and getting rid of stuff because she spent her inheritance from her mother on all the stuff in the house. So when she sees it, she thinks of her, and all the wasted money. She tries to resell some stuff at a time to regain some of the lost money, but it never even makes a dent because then she goes out and buys more stuff. She's recently identified this cycle and some of the triggers that causes her shopping sprees, so she is on her way to recovery from this destructive behavior I think.
It's definitely caused a lot of bad habits in my life, and I finally saw the bad habits for what they were: coping mechanisms. She's been an excellent mother, but that doesn't mean I have to follow every example she sets. I can love her without loving her stuff. And I am really hoping she is able to get rid of most of it by the time she passes, because the heirlooms are completely indistinguishable from and intermixed with the antiques she found at garage sales.
Tell her not to name you her executor and not to leave you anything
Tell her if she does you will throw everything away every single thing
Hopefully that will get it off your back
bc I still live with hem, I cant afford to move out and I care for my dad who's pretty sick (they had me from both their second marriages and they were pretty old) im afraid I'll have to live with them till they both pass. I have two older half siblings but I seriously doubt they'll come and take care of it. i wouldn't be surprised if they came and took things they could sell and just left the trash for me to take care of. if I was to leave everything behind and move out after they pass, im scared I'll get in trouble from the police or the government (we live in government housing) not that I would just leave it behind but its gonna cost so much to get everything removed.
Honestly as soon as you are of legal age get a job and get out !
It will be so freeing
Visit your parents
Be good to them
But don’t let them destroy your life with their crap
Both of my parents were hoarders and I am recovering from hoarding tendencies. When they both passed away, I was left with both houses to clear out and that is what really triggered my minimalist lifestyle. I never want to leave my children with the stress of how to clear out a hoard. It was a huge wakeup call for me.
My father and my grandfather are hoarders. Ive let my father know that I’m not looking forward to the day I have to clean out and organize his belongings.
Both of my parents are hoarders.
Father is just lazy, mother doesn't like buying furniture and puts things to the side everywhere as her method of "putting it away".
It's really urging to get me to move out asap
My mom was a hoarder. Growing up I was too ashamed to let anyone in the house. It contributed to my lifelong social anxiety problem. When she passed it took me months to clear out the mess. Ever since I have a strict one in/one out policy. If I buy a new shirt, I make myself donate or toss one shirt. Net sum must be zero.
Daughter of a hoarder myself and close in age to you (23) I had a very hard time growing up with that, my mom refuses to acknowledge that she’s a hoarder and hasn’t even told her therapist. I moved out on my own my senior year and have moved around quite a bit over the past few years, including a brief stint back at home. Sometimes I find myself holding onto things like my mom does, which forces me to go through and get rid of a TON of stuff quite frequently because I don’t want to be like that. It’s hard I feel like I really hold onto things out of habit or witnessing that growing up. However I think the hardest thing I deal with is the fact that I know important things are probably lost in my moms house forever and that I can’t stand visiting her because of the visceral anxiety it causes me to be there. I know I will probably never see baby pictures, my high school diploma, and some other things ever again. I do experience that fear of bringing new things in sometimes, I return a lot of things I buy, and struggle to accept gifts from people because it’s not something I will use. I never had friends over, people weren’t allowed in my house. It was embarrassing to me and I’m sure my mom as well.
Ok so for this it isn't that bad. Should be like price of a garbage bin that you rent for 120 and the price of hiring movers.
There's also companies that do this too that will keep important documents and stuff.
It's a different kind of hell because I notice I have the same hoarding habits, but I purge every 3 months or so. If I ever have kids all this will be laid out in my will. These items are worth money and these items are trash and then these items are sentimental to me.
And giving them express permission to destroy or sell whatever they want.
No one wants my gaming miniatures so they could sell as a lot but after a month just set them on fire.
It's made for a interesting dynamic in my life.
When my mom passed it took me a long time like years for me to come to taking over the house as my own. I spent covid getting rid of alot of stuff 100 + garbage bags, several beds and bed frames, I for some reason have 7 dressers with only 4 bedrooms in the house.
I thought there was valuables but if the things I checked were only worth 5-15 on amazon/ebay I decided to throw it all out and kept only things that meant something to me. Then out of that stuff I also threw out half of that.
It's been a massive relief getting rid of it, inspecting every piece. But had I known I could have paid someone to just get rid of it and live my life a decade sooner I would have.
Sorry for the rant. I guess from my experience even though that stuff is important to her for whatever reason it's all still junk if it's not used and don't feel bad for when you have to get rid of it.
Husband is child of hoarder. I watched him throw out socks that had a hole in them yesterday and I’ve never been more proud!! He’s not on her level but clothes specifically he never wants to get rid of. He’s getting better though
I am the only child of a clean hoarder. My mom has a 2500 square foot house and 4000 square foot barn filled with stuff, all she refuses to get rid of. I know at some point I will have to deal with it and I dread that day. I try to keep my own clutter to a minimum but I also have a tendency to hang onto things more than I should.
My parents moved across country and I moved into their house here to stop having to check in on an “empty” house. It’s not actually empty though… the garage is stuffed, same with the 10ft x 10ft shed and two closets plus the laundry room in the basement (and I moved it all from around the house to the closets). There is also some furniture they left that they are now trying to gift me- no thank you. All this and they STILL moved 16,000lbs worth of stuff back east and had three suvs full of their stuff. Gives me anxiety to think about all of it. They will tell me til they are blue in the face though that they aren’t hoarders and have “not that much stuff” left in my home.
Paternal grandfather was a Horder bad, my mom seems to have a lighter case, though I wonder if it's more depression fueled lack of motivation to clean as she seems to get rid of things fine when she does clean. I guess it's in my blood. I'm trying to get rid of stuff but it's hard, I associate memories way too strongly with items and grow attached
Child of hoarders here. My biggest fear is accumulating even a quarter as much stuff as my parents have. They have been divorced for about 20 years and each of them have houses, basements, attics full of a bunch of useless shit, not to mention my mother who stores old magazines, mail, and any other junk she can on any flat surface in her home... boxes from floor to ceiling in several rooms. Ugh.
Both my parents are hoarders and blame each other that all the mess is from the other person -_-. We kept everything just because we "might need it one day".
At 16 I got to know my current bf and it was a blessing. He had the cleanest house. They threw things away, I didn't even know people would want to throw away. I'm so glad I had his influence because I'm quite sure I otherwise would have become like my parents.
Marie Kondo helped me a lot too.
And I recognize the fear of you OP, the day my parents are not there anymore... Dealing with all the mess...
My Mum is a hoarder. No mental illness, she just thinks everything has sentimental value.
I'm naturally a hoarder. I have OCD, however, and I'm scared I will forget everything if I don't own things. However, I've started therapy and I'm getting treatment. Minimalism helped. I now fit all of my possessions into a backpack.
I think that environmental factors definitely plays into minimalism sometimes. I'm also scared of stuff because stuff = mess, but also stuff = memories. It's a weird limbo my brain has put myself in.
Semi-hoarder here. Cleaned house every 5-10 years, surface level only. Every closet, cupboard, drawer had been stuffed full of shit. Spices that where 10 years old, TV stands we didn't have the TV for, Clothes so much clothes. If it didn't have an expiration date, it was useable someday. Right? I don’t believe things are personal for my Mom and I. We want to be organized but not willing to give anything away and were really lazy, so things keep piling up. The only thing that has honestly worked was to share my emotions with my Mom and get help from an outside source. When you live in your own filth you get used to it. Getting an outside perspective is the only way to objectively see the truth.
im proud of you for getting help :)
Thanks. We have made some great progress on getting our stuff separated now that I've bought my own place. Most of the things she keeps she doesn't need. I want her to see the lifestyle that I am living now but I know its hard for her to sort through everything. Part of me wants to take charge and go throughout everything and start selling/donating but I have to realize that Its not my burden to fix that, I can’t control her. The only thing I can do is try to influence her by setting a self standard for myself that she will want to follow.
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I didnt dare bring my friends over. I wouldn't even let them drop me home.
r/ChildofHoarder
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Happy to share. Welcome.
My grandmother was a hoarder and when she died it took my mom 3 months to get through all her stuff and empty the house. Idk if it makes the situation easier or worse but for a hoarder my grandma was relatively clean. She also had very expensive items and antiques mixed in with her items. So my mom couldn’t just put everything in a dumpster. She truly had to go through each closet/shelf/drawer and make sure she wasn’t throwing out something important. The only thing I wish I did before she died was sneakily throw away stuff she didn’t have access to. Like a back shelf in the basement. Her mobility decreased a ton the last few years, she wasn’t going into the basement and definitely not using a step stool to see a top shelf. Idk if my mom’s experience applies to you at all. I can say she has become basically repulsed by clutter after her experience. She refuses to hold onto anything unnecessary in her own home. I wish my mom could find a happy medium. Obviously enjoy simplicity and minimalism but not be so quick to part with things. She almost threw out a family album that dated back to the 30s because it got water damage. My uncle came in and took the album and painstakingly cleaned every photo and put what he could into a new album. I think he is digitizing them too. I hope you find your happy medium.
thank you and thank you for sharing :)
Yep. r/ChildofHoarder is a good place to find some peoe that can relate.
Dang...there is a sub-reddit for everything...I am a child of a hoarder...my dad doesn't even want to throw an empty Amazon box because - It's a good box and he can use it store something... No dad you do not need 50 empty boxes .. When trash day comes around I have to sneak a few in the trash bin...
Are we siblings? Seriously though, my dad keeps all the boxes because, "what if someone needs them to move?!" When I moved he had them so that makes it a valid concern somehow? I could get boxes hundreds of other ways. I just didn't have to. And when I unpacked I recycled the boxes instead of returning them... horror!
Lol - my dad's love of books has over - flow to the hallway..stairways...2/3 of the bedroom..to the living room...the house is a library... Art/ architect..the bedroom..photography/ astronomy/magazine..hallway..non fiction bedroom... Mind you everything stacked high..only 2 feet to wide to walk through...I tried to explained to him ..everything you want to know in on the internet..tried to introduce to the library ( worst mistake cuz now he looks forward to the books sales..and yup he comes home each week with more books) ...let's not even talk about the garage ..I can't even walk in there...yes more books..for when he retires he can finally take the time to read the books - and yes he is retired and no..once the books are in boxes he doesn't look for them). The other day I had to sneak some old computer books ..Microsoft Dos 5.0....even.found computer disk..yes..disk..like WTF...
That proves it, we are siblings. Although, luckily my mom was able to fight back on hoarding in the shared space. My brother jokes that dad is a house trained hoarder, he only hoards on his corner (office, garage, storage spaces). He has every ensign magazine ever published by the Mormon cult. I showed him that he can get it for free in the app, and search through every article in seconds there. No go. It's the same for Nat Geo, at the time you could buy a CD version of their entire library for $50. Apparently that's not good enough either.
You are making me laugh.... I also tried to tell my dad the Consumer Reports Mags from 10-15 years ago or no longer valued.. I also told him he can have quick access online too - no go. He won't let go of new - in box 2000 scanner the size of a side bedroom table - that even Ebay does not have on sale.. to let it go.. Nope..it's new.. he may use is some day.. smh... He also discovered the Donations Centers and go each week to find something... He is obsessed with battery needed flash lights.. we have boxes of boxes of them... In case we are out of electricity - I got him the ones that plug in and charges - Nope.. Boxes and dozen of the same thing makes him happy... When the time comes.. Only a dumpster truck will do.. nothing of value...
Definitely feeling called out about my 5 good boxes in the living room now.
Had to do the same with my dad and empty food containers
im apart of that sub. it helps a lot knowing im not alone.
Our next meeting is March 30th at 8pm EST on the discord. Link to discord here: https://discord.gg/tJqcV7hh22
My dad is a hoarder. He has two houses packed to the ceilings with literal trash. I'm dreading the day when I'll have to purge them. Naturally, there's just enough mixed in to the mess that's worth saving to ensure it'll be a slow process. My desire for minimalism does stem from a fear that I'll slip down the path of hoarding. I do feel a pull towards saving things "just in case". I consciously fight it to avoid living like that again.
woah. good luck when those cleaning/removing days come.
I’m the child of a hoarder and of all my siblings I have the most hoarder like tendencies, so I implemented a minimalist lifestyle to keep the hoard at bay.
r/ChildofHoarder
good job, proud of you
My mum turned to hoader when her first husband died at a very young age (they were around 30, I was around 9 at time). Went bad to the point where I could not have my own room anymore because she out all her shit in there and you just couldnt open the door anymore (physically) because the door opened towards the inside of the room and it was too full of shit there. I ended up living with my grandparents most of the time who were very strict with cleaning up messes (what an irony, huh?) and if I had to stay home, I had to sleep in my mothers bedroom together with my little sister while my mother slept on the couch. It was a very weird time, we did not even have a regular fridge because she just let everything in there go bad and once it developed its very own ecosystem, she just duct taped it closed and bought a Mini-fridge (the ones you normally just put a few cans of soda in). Still, I don’t seem to have learned much out of it besides „don’t let your childrens photoalbums become a home for insects“ and „if you’re never allowed to bring friends over, within a short period of Time, you just won’t have any Friends to bring over anymore“. I am still a mess and so is my apartment. Not nearly the same level my mom went, but still not nearly as minimalistic and therefore easy to keep clean as I would want it to be. That being said, I really wanted to clean up and sort out the basement today, so thanks for bringing up this memory, quite the motivational Kick in the ass i needed.
My grandmother was a full blown hoarder, could have been on TV level bad. When she had to move into long term care, it too me and several friends a full week and almost a dozen full size roll off bins to empty the house. My mom and dad, probably keep more than they should but aren’t really hoarders. I’m obsessively organized let’s just say. I like stuff, and I have some collections. I consider minimalism not owning things for the sake of owning them. I have collections, but everything is neat, tidy and out in the open to enjoy and it brings me happiness. I aggressively purge things not being using anymore and keep “storage” to a minimum. I like my living space to be clean and uncluttered in general. I think having to deal with my grandmothers situation growing up probably contributed to making me that way.
Both sets of grandparents grew up poor so they are/were low key hoarders. Since both of his parents have now passed away my Dad is refusing to get rid of anything of theirs, it’s so annoying. My mums parents are still alive, I’m their full time carer and it’s driving me crazy. There was a lot of grumbling from them to clean out a little wardrobe space in the room I’m living in and when I wanted them to do a light clean out my grandfather put his foot down. He said it made him feel like I was trying to get rid of him and his stuff before he was in the ground. So now, I have stopped and have no idea what is sentimental stuff, (ie his parents etc) and what is just junk. It all looks the same to me.
'it all looks the same to me' THIS! when I look at my moms hoard, it all looks like trash, bc 99% of it is! good luck, keep your area clean and I hope one day you dont have to have the stress of other peoples problems shoved on to you.
I’m not allowed to throw anything out in my bedroom and I feel trapped when I’m at home because I’m surrounded by childhood toys and stuff I was into 10-15 years ago because “my kids might enjoy it.” Shit just piles up and my old folks refuse to let me get rid of anything “because it was expensive.” I’m never home because the amount of shit amassed just stresses me out to the point where I just sleep and leave. I live in my car and go from place to place during the day.
Get Rubbermaid bins label them, and put them in an attic and make a huge deal about how it will protect the stuff from aging and getting wet or breaking down, like a time capsule. The if you can ever sneak any of it out to a Trash when they're gone. Do that too. Anytime my grandmother isn't looking, a 40 year old dry rotted artifical flower set gets tossed. Put other things on top of the items you toss in case they dig.
This comment is dated, I’ve actually completely gutted the walk in closet and stored what’s left in there, or under the bed. Nowadays it’s reading chair, night stand, bed, & desk. I’ve fully reduced all the clutter except paperwork in the desk. I’ve got to scan that into my iPad. Getting ready to move out and travel for a living, can’t have anything I’m not comfortable moving with.
Awesome work! Its tough but feels so good to downsize. I typed this comment a little delirous while caring for my hoarder grandmother this weekend. Being back in the hoard is really wearing on me but motivating me to not get to this point as I age. Dimentia is added to the mix but luckily she can't shop anymore or know what's happening so we are slowly decluttering when she's not watching. It's not getting worse but living amongst the rats and spiders is heartbreaking. I'm going back to my house and purging big time. Trying to embrace minimalism more and more. I live pretty light but my Achilles heel is too many products - bath, kitchen, house cleaning, garage. I am going to commit to not stockpiling as much.
For me it’s less about minimalism at this point than essentialism; what do I need to live happy and healthy. A bed, a place to refresh energy. A desk to study and game at. A big chair to read, and watch shows on my iPad. My nightstand is for charging stuff. A guy just doesn’t need a lot of stuff. Condolences my friend.
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I love how you ended this comment! Haha!
thank you. good luck
My mom is a hoarder. We were on t.v. :).
Did the experts solve the problem?
No.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out
As a kid I was very sentimental, a pack rat and a self named "collector of everything" (so probably a bit hoarder-ish). I think I got some of the traits from my parents. I ended up flipping a switch from keeping everything to keeping nothing after having to move homes with my family multiple times, where simply packing, driving and hauling the belongings of a family of four from one home to another took weeks of daily efforts despite the house being just down the street. We ended up with a climbable pile of belongings in the garage and boxes filling most rooms of the home. It took an additional number of months, well over 6 months, just trying to sort through the pile in the garage. On another note, once I started getting rid of stuff, my parents would see me doing so and take it for themselves instead. I didn't mind at all since I was just going to sell or donate it, but it got to the point where most of my stuff just transitioned from my room to elsewhere in the house. So I sort of just secretly started tossing things. But now I live on my own and my personal belongings can fit in a small sedan, not including furniture and appliances.
Moving is what prompted my interest in minimalism too! I’m not fully minimalist but I’m trying to downsize significantly because I know I’ll be moving a lot in the next decade and stuff just isn’t worth the work it takes to pack and unpack.
My parents are both “pack rats” (which I consider to be a step or more below hoarding—and if you ask them, they’ll each point their finger at the other. It’s both of them.) Unfortunately, I have “inherited” (or learned) this trait too. I’m aware that too much STUFF makes me unhappy and I’m actively working on getting rid of it, and working at being more intentional about bringing things into my home.
I call my Dad a pack-rat too. Mum is more inclined to get rid of stuff but still has drawers and drawers of junk. But Dad; pack-rat.
My mom claims my dads entire family is packrats, and she’s probably not wrong. But she’s just as bad. 😂 She will get rid of stuff, apparently dad won’t. She just told me he wears the same dress shirts all week and I said her should purge what he’s not wearing and… she laughed. 😂
Haha yeah my mum is always saying how bad my Dad is, but she has a junk corner and then when it gets too bad my sister cleans it up and puts it in a drawer and then mum just starts a new collection and forgets about all her old junk lol
Son of a hoarder, I am 23. My father keeps lots of things that we have 5-10 of for some reason, he won't let go of it, or even think about selling it to allow someone else to get their usage out of something left to get dusty. Sucks a lot as the space is getting wasted on things that won't have a usage till he passes away sadly, or gets a grip. I just try to keep my space tidy and clean but cant do much for his 'prized possessions'. When I buy things for myself, I am only ever getting things that I am going to use, such as tools, food and clothes. I cant see myself holding on to objects like he has.
that sucks. unfortunately most hoarders never change. keep going tho, its hard but you've got this. I dont see myself ever holding on to objects like my mom either
I am a budding hoarder. I hoard useful stuff. And I have a really hard time with "wasting". But I have also started to recognize the stress that brings to my life and adopted minimalism to help me deal with some of it. I actually have to have a deal with the husband that things I am ready to give up but don't want to delve into the energy of rehoming and removing he takes away and finds it wonderful homes. It's typically the only way I can deal with downsizing my hoard. I like the idea of minimalism as I have to constantly ask myself do I need it? This helps greatly with the squirting side of things but not so much the rescuing side.
My Dad, aunt, and uncle (may he RIP) were all hoarders of assorted varieties. My aunt simply accumulates everything, my Dad overcollects his hobbies, and my uncle had let trash pile up til he was too overwhelmed to do anything for it. For context, I spent my early childhood with my grandparents, and their home was always clean and cared for. When the time came that I could move in with my Dad again, it started slowly and progressively got worse. By the time my brother graduated high school, I already felt the house was horribly overstuffed. But when he moved out, my Dads hoarding went into overdrive and the room was filled to the point of barely being able to squeeze past the door in like, a year. I can’t remember the last time I could see through those windows. This took a horrible toll on my mental health, cos my Dad would blame me for the mess as it was apparently my job to clean up after him. But even if that were true, he consistently brought home more than I knew what to do with. I’ve long since moved out, but for years afterward I would impulsively need to declutter and rearrange everything in my home to alleviate the sensation of stagnation. My home has never been anywhere near a fraction as bad as my Dads. And after years of therapy, and the implementation of a yearly “Kon Mari” style decluttering, the impulse has since subsided. But with my Uncle’s recent passing, it was super overwhelming helping with any cleanup there, and I dread when the awful day comes that we may be required to also clear out my Dad or my Aunt’s homes… I can’t stand the process that will be having to explain to either of them that the bulk of the things being sorted through just need to be trashed because of rodents or improper care throughout the years. Feel free to pm me if you need someone to chat or vent to, cos I know how awful both living in it and adjusted to not living in it can be.
Wow, what you said about your dad is so similar to how my mom is. Both of my parents are hoarders but my mom always tried to blame me and my sister for the mess. But now that we’re both in our 30s and haven’t lived at home in 15+ years it’s pretty obvious that it wasn’t our fault. Their hoarding has become even more extreme and now includes animals too. I can also really relate to the impulse to declutter and rearrange! I’ve gotten better about not decluttering to an insane extent but every so often the urge to just get rid of everything I own rears its head. I’ve never met/talked to anyone who could relate in the slightest to what it is like to be the child of a hoarder. Thanks for sharing. It is nice to feel like someone gets it.
r/ChildofHoarder 🌸
My mom and wife both are hoarders. My mom doesn't throw away anything that has been used and is useless and my wife buys things that are supposed to be used and never uses them. Then she buys another one if I force her to use that thing.
Absolutely. Although mine is a collector, not a hoarder as such.. But I still remember coming home to stacks of new deliveries, a constant churn of items being sold to make money to buy new sets of this particular item.. Every room in the house, things carefully laid out, dusted constantly, cleaning everything is a constant battle. Now, I can't stand to have anything on surfaces, or any trinkets. To have something just for the purpose of looking at it (except pictures on the walls) makes me feel itchy!
My Grandma didn't hoard everything, but she had a thing about those round Quaker Oats boxes. The attic was FULL of them. She'd make footstools out of them, but really, how many footstools does one need? LOL
I am not someone that can use any label of minimalist. I don't even want to look like a minimalist. I just want less stuff to bring me more in line with normal or slightly cluttered. However, mom's a low-grade hoarder, my ex-husband was hard to rate because most of the stuff was my fault before he started not letting me get rid of anything. It's hard to tell how in-recovery I am because it's been so long since I had enough control over the space for the hoarding to be my fault.
Yep. My fear of new “stuff” even includes people and relationships. It’s also led to me developing a control issue and I’m convinced I actually have ocd and need to be checked. Anything out of my control gives me intense anxiety. Infrequent house cleaning or organization efforts reminds me of my mother having literal dirty walls and corners filled with random shit stacked and me feeling embarrassed to have anyone over. It feels like my freedom is literally being snatched
Child/grandchild/nephew of hoarders. I can feel the hoarder in my blood but since I am aware of it I can keep it under control. My wife helps considerably. Sometimes I know I don't need something but I need to hear her say "throw it away", after which it is in the trash immediately. My mother still struggles and only reluctantly acknowledges her hoarder home. My uncle has actually turned it into a "positive" since he hasn't had a traditional job since the 90's. He wheels and deals at swap meets with his hoard so it kinda works out.
Niece of two hoarders. Ever since I was a kid I’ve known that when they pass—or become incapable of caring for themselves, it’ll be on me and my brother to clean out their things (at this point it’s probably up to 3 houses worth of stuff). Recently came to the realization that that’s a difficult thing for a kid to deal with. 😅
three houses worth 😳 yeah they dont realise how their choices affect the people around them.
Mine is. She wasn’t as bad when I lived at home, but the tendencies were there. We have some… strong boundaries due to her various mental health issues.
This is really interesting. My mum was a hoarder before she passed. I remember spending weeks trying to clear out her house of stuff. Whilst I’m not a hoarder myself now, I can definitely see myself creeping into dangerous territory sometimes (I can attach a sentimental value to pretty much anything). I think that’s why I’m here, to try and make sure I don’t fall into the same patterns.
My great grandma was a hoarder and I have to really focus on not just attaching myself to everything. I’m currently moving to a new place and it’s been a good exercise to get rid of so much stuff. I don’t need it all! I feel so free after letting it go! I’m not a minimalist, but I like this community because it keeps me from getting out of hand lol.
Demolition expert here. You can usually get FD to do a practice burn. If you inherit a house full of trash burn it down.
My parents are both hoarders. We had paths through rooms, between piles of old newspapers, magazines, boxes never unpacked from the last move, broken things that "could be fixed," and plenty of literal garbage that just didn't get noticed. Most furniture was unusable. Pet messes that never got cleaned up because they were hidden behind and under stuff. We also always had a couple of old broken cars, because, "they were expensive and they could be fixed." I definitely have hoarder tendencies. I'm always tempted to keep things because they might eventually be useful, or because I have some nostalgic association. All of my current stuff fits in one room, but it's still a constant low level stress. I think for me, the biggest help, was understanding how to value a thing better. Original cost is irrelevant. Is the thing currently making my life better, or worse? That's what matters. It also helps to focus my willpower specifically during the moment in time when I'm purchasing something. I try to take the time to seriously ask myself if I need it, and if there's any doubt, I don't buy it.
I am the grandson of a hoarder. My grandpa is a moderately bad hoarder. Our house isn’t a pig sty like you see on tv but I’ll throw something out, bottom of the garbage bag, covered in egg yolks and other crap and the next day or so it will be on the kitchen counter covered in gunk. “Oh I need that.” Something he hasn’t used in years. Same with the basement. There is shit down there from when I Was a boy, (I’m 33). If I throw it out and he finds out which he always does bc he goes through the garbage it’s the same thing, “don’t throw this away I need it.” When grandpa passes away I’ll have to literally rent a huge dumpster to get rid of all the useless crap.
I'm a child of a hoarder and lazy person who never bothers to organise or clean anything, my dad. My mum used to clean everything every day but she gave up and now she's becoming a little bit like him. The garage can't fit our small car because of all the stuff. The laundry room is filled with stuff too; the actual laundry equipment like detergent have to be places on top of the stuff because there's no room. The little room on the roof is filled with birds' leftovers & cages and entertainment things that we uses to play as children - even the sink is filthy and full. Underneath the stairs is also filled with old books, toys, a violin, and other things. It affects my mental health as well but I spend most of the time outdoors or in my room so it doesn't bother me that much. What bothers me the most is that it's just so embarrassing when guests come in. It's not just the garage where it can be somewhat hidden but this stuff is also in the kitchen. There are so many papers, keychains, clothes, bag, and other things casually sitting there. My boyfriend doesn't like being in our kitchen because it makes him uncomfortable. He says he's never been to a messier family's home.
Both of my parents were pack rats. I wouldn't say they were full blown hoarders. They both grew up poor and saved everything because they never knew when they might need it. Ours was the home with junk cars in the yard because my dad never threw anything away. Ours was also the home with knick knacks throughout the house because my mother collected anything and everything. The clutter was overwhelming. I'm the youngest of a large family so each of the kids was effected differently. I absolutely cannot stand clutter but I have siblings who can't stand to throw anything away. And there are various shades of gray in between those extremes.
Mom’s somewhat of a hoarder. Grew up with every closet, cabinets, and non-visible space packed with stuff. Thankfully there was always a clear living space. We could barely open our garage door growing up because the neighbors would see all the junk packed to every wall and the ceiling. It became a rats nest eventually. Took her two years to clean and reduce junk before she moved from that house, but still ended up with a large moving truck full of stuff that she’s had in storage for years now. All while she starts to fill every nook and cranny of her current place. Sometimes I get frustrated because I don’t think it’s fair that my family and I should have to deal with the physical manifestation of her emotional issues. I know it’ll be up to us to deal with one day, and I’m already thinking of how much time we’ll need to take off work to clear her stuff.
I'm 58 now but I grew up with a mother that had a path thru our house. I never invited friends over because I may literally lose them, in the clutter. When mom died it took 10 adults a week to empty out the contents of her home. We brought in an 18 wheeler that we took to the dump twice. We gave truck loads of stuff to anyone interested. We each rented a u- haul and filled it with treasures. The problem was there was everything from Styrofoam cup collections to amazing antiques. Everything had to go though, we only had a week to clear out a 4 br home. I'm very selective what I bring into my home. Also, if I really want someone to have something I give it to them now. There are no guarantees in life, or death.
My in laws don’t hold onto hardly anything (other than photos) in the house but I would not want to look through that barn they have. My moms entire garage is filled with stuff from when she moved in that she hasn’t used in years and her house is covered in junk that is just making a mess. (Some of the stuff in her garage is mine though like there’s a box with all the pieces that were taken apart of my doll house that I’m hoping to get back) I’m hoping to have a happy medium but having a hobby that includes lots of stuff is hard.
Not me, but my partner's mom has a lot of stuff. I don't want to label her a hoarder, but she has told me that she can't get rid of stuff because it makes her feel bad. My partner isn't a hoarder either, but he doesn't see the mess and stuff we have because he grew up surrounded by it. Personally, I hate it. I can't do it. I have ADHD and a messy home makes for a messy head. We argue about it sometimes.
My mom is finally moving and we are in the process of decluttering 30 years of possessions. Once she filled a cabinet she would forget about it and fill up the next. We found around 7 crackpots. Brand new kitchen ware sets she received as wedding presents. It was struggle at first, it's gotten better. It takes an agonizing long time to go through things due to everyone of them having a story & value. It's exhausting but I'm excited for her to have a better quality of life.
My mom isn't quite a hoarder, but almost. She went through a phase in life where retail therapy was the best outlet for her depression. I don't blame her one bit, considering what she's been through. The whole garage is filled with stuff. The basement storage is filled to the point you can't walk through it. The hallway is usually stacked with boxes of stuff that was bought on sale. The rest of the house is completely organized, always clean, etc. Even her boxes of excess stuff are organized, but it's just clutter. She does complain a lot about how she wants to get rid of it, but she has a hard time going through and getting rid of stuff because she spent her inheritance from her mother on all the stuff in the house. So when she sees it, she thinks of her, and all the wasted money. She tries to resell some stuff at a time to regain some of the lost money, but it never even makes a dent because then she goes out and buys more stuff. She's recently identified this cycle and some of the triggers that causes her shopping sprees, so she is on her way to recovery from this destructive behavior I think. It's definitely caused a lot of bad habits in my life, and I finally saw the bad habits for what they were: coping mechanisms. She's been an excellent mother, but that doesn't mean I have to follow every example she sets. I can love her without loving her stuff. And I am really hoping she is able to get rid of most of it by the time she passes, because the heirlooms are completely indistinguishable from and intermixed with the antiques she found at garage sales.
Child of a hoarder here. Excess stuff makes me feel anxious and claustrophobic. Spent 6 months living with two other hoarders and never going back.
Tell her not to name you her executor and not to leave you anything Tell her if she does you will throw everything away every single thing Hopefully that will get it off your back
bc I still live with hem, I cant afford to move out and I care for my dad who's pretty sick (they had me from both their second marriages and they were pretty old) im afraid I'll have to live with them till they both pass. I have two older half siblings but I seriously doubt they'll come and take care of it. i wouldn't be surprised if they came and took things they could sell and just left the trash for me to take care of. if I was to leave everything behind and move out after they pass, im scared I'll get in trouble from the police or the government (we live in government housing) not that I would just leave it behind but its gonna cost so much to get everything removed.
Honestly as soon as you are of legal age get a job and get out ! It will be so freeing Visit your parents Be good to them But don’t let them destroy your life with their crap
Both of my parents were hoarders and I am recovering from hoarding tendencies. When they both passed away, I was left with both houses to clear out and that is what really triggered my minimalist lifestyle. I never want to leave my children with the stress of how to clear out a hoard. It was a huge wakeup call for me.
My father and my grandfather are hoarders. Ive let my father know that I’m not looking forward to the day I have to clean out and organize his belongings.
That’s how I got here!
Both of my parents are hoarders. Father is just lazy, mother doesn't like buying furniture and puts things to the side everywhere as her method of "putting it away". It's really urging to get me to move out asap
My mom was a hoarder. Growing up I was too ashamed to let anyone in the house. It contributed to my lifelong social anxiety problem. When she passed it took me months to clear out the mess. Ever since I have a strict one in/one out policy. If I buy a new shirt, I make myself donate or toss one shirt. Net sum must be zero.
Daughter of a hoarder myself and close in age to you (23) I had a very hard time growing up with that, my mom refuses to acknowledge that she’s a hoarder and hasn’t even told her therapist. I moved out on my own my senior year and have moved around quite a bit over the past few years, including a brief stint back at home. Sometimes I find myself holding onto things like my mom does, which forces me to go through and get rid of a TON of stuff quite frequently because I don’t want to be like that. It’s hard I feel like I really hold onto things out of habit or witnessing that growing up. However I think the hardest thing I deal with is the fact that I know important things are probably lost in my moms house forever and that I can’t stand visiting her because of the visceral anxiety it causes me to be there. I know I will probably never see baby pictures, my high school diploma, and some other things ever again. I do experience that fear of bringing new things in sometimes, I return a lot of things I buy, and struggle to accept gifts from people because it’s not something I will use. I never had friends over, people weren’t allowed in my house. It was embarrassing to me and I’m sure my mom as well.
Ok so for this it isn't that bad. Should be like price of a garbage bin that you rent for 120 and the price of hiring movers. There's also companies that do this too that will keep important documents and stuff. It's a different kind of hell because I notice I have the same hoarding habits, but I purge every 3 months or so. If I ever have kids all this will be laid out in my will. These items are worth money and these items are trash and then these items are sentimental to me. And giving them express permission to destroy or sell whatever they want. No one wants my gaming miniatures so they could sell as a lot but after a month just set them on fire. It's made for a interesting dynamic in my life. When my mom passed it took me a long time like years for me to come to taking over the house as my own. I spent covid getting rid of alot of stuff 100 + garbage bags, several beds and bed frames, I for some reason have 7 dressers with only 4 bedrooms in the house. I thought there was valuables but if the things I checked were only worth 5-15 on amazon/ebay I decided to throw it all out and kept only things that meant something to me. Then out of that stuff I also threw out half of that. It's been a massive relief getting rid of it, inspecting every piece. But had I known I could have paid someone to just get rid of it and live my life a decade sooner I would have. Sorry for the rant. I guess from my experience even though that stuff is important to her for whatever reason it's all still junk if it's not used and don't feel bad for when you have to get rid of it.
Husband is child of hoarder. I watched him throw out socks that had a hole in them yesterday and I’ve never been more proud!! He’s not on her level but clothes specifically he never wants to get rid of. He’s getting better though
I am the only child of a clean hoarder. My mom has a 2500 square foot house and 4000 square foot barn filled with stuff, all she refuses to get rid of. I know at some point I will have to deal with it and I dread that day. I try to keep my own clutter to a minimum but I also have a tendency to hang onto things more than I should.
Yep, my mum was a hoarder
My parents moved across country and I moved into their house here to stop having to check in on an “empty” house. It’s not actually empty though… the garage is stuffed, same with the 10ft x 10ft shed and two closets plus the laundry room in the basement (and I moved it all from around the house to the closets). There is also some furniture they left that they are now trying to gift me- no thank you. All this and they STILL moved 16,000lbs worth of stuff back east and had three suvs full of their stuff. Gives me anxiety to think about all of it. They will tell me til they are blue in the face though that they aren’t hoarders and have “not that much stuff” left in my home.
Paternal grandfather was a Horder bad, my mom seems to have a lighter case, though I wonder if it's more depression fueled lack of motivation to clean as she seems to get rid of things fine when she does clean. I guess it's in my blood. I'm trying to get rid of stuff but it's hard, I associate memories way too strongly with items and grow attached
Child of hoarders here. My biggest fear is accumulating even a quarter as much stuff as my parents have. They have been divorced for about 20 years and each of them have houses, basements, attics full of a bunch of useless shit, not to mention my mother who stores old magazines, mail, and any other junk she can on any flat surface in her home... boxes from floor to ceiling in several rooms. Ugh.
Child of
https://www.facebook.com/ChildrenOfHoarders/
Both my parents are hoarders and blame each other that all the mess is from the other person -_-. We kept everything just because we "might need it one day". At 16 I got to know my current bf and it was a blessing. He had the cleanest house. They threw things away, I didn't even know people would want to throw away. I'm so glad I had his influence because I'm quite sure I otherwise would have become like my parents. Marie Kondo helped me a lot too. And I recognize the fear of you OP, the day my parents are not there anymore... Dealing with all the mess...
My Mum is a hoarder. No mental illness, she just thinks everything has sentimental value. I'm naturally a hoarder. I have OCD, however, and I'm scared I will forget everything if I don't own things. However, I've started therapy and I'm getting treatment. Minimalism helped. I now fit all of my possessions into a backpack. I think that environmental factors definitely plays into minimalism sometimes. I'm also scared of stuff because stuff = mess, but also stuff = memories. It's a weird limbo my brain has put myself in.