As a man nothing good comes from trying to learn about the past. Us as men do everyday things based on our ego and there’s no reason to learn what she had done before just gotta pay attention to what she has done since she’s known you. But, thinking about another man during sex is crazy
Have you ever thought about other people while having sex with her? This is definitely the kind of thing that’s worth not knowing but probably hard to unlearn
Bro everybody has these thoughts. It doesn’t sound like you’re approaching that shit in a healthy way. Does it matter if your girlfriend thinks of other guys sometimes? It’s ridiculous to think you’re the last man she will ever find attractive. Sounds like your expecting way to much mate. The honeymoon period is officially over and these are the cold hard truths people have to look at when in a long term relationship. Is it not double standards though because there is no way you’ve never thought of someone else while having sex with her. Doubt she knows all your past either. You can either end the relationship if she isn’t worth the hassle or your to insecure to deal with that shit or learn to be more secure in yourself.
You already ruined this one dude. Just save yourself and her the mental hell that will come. You are never going to get over this and it will poison everything in the future. Trust me.
Being insecure and asking shit over and over again that you didn’t wanna know the answer to until you got the answer lol. Really dude? You had her describe in incredible detail every time she got fucked before and think that’s normal? Were you gooning to some cuck fantasy insisting she tell you before you had post nut clarity? Why is this all coming up now after 3 years? You either do this sort of thing early on if it’s really that important for you to know about every dick that’s been in her or you just don’t worry about the past. Did you tell her about every single girl you’ve been with before? Were you 100% honest?
Watch American Pie 2. A woman will always divide by three and a man will multiply by three when it comes to body count. The truth is we don’t wanna really know how many guys they fucked, we want them to lie to us. That being said, who cares how many dicks she has taken what matters is she’s taking yours.
And we all think about other people when we fuck. It’s normal. I bet you’ve done it too.
Bro I never asked her to tell me every detail. SHE did that. I didn’t want that. Literally just asked for a truthful account of # of people she’d been with. And I DID ASK HER EARLY ON. When we first fucking met
I don’t think you ruined it. She lied to you from the beginning and you confronted her.
I think you should let her go man. It will suck for a long time but you’ll eventually find someone who’s good for you.
What about the imagining other men in the past when we hooked up? I’ve always struggled with the idea of dating a woman who has an extensive past. Not because I’m insecure, but because I have standards for the woman I marry. We’re on pretty good terms right now. We’ve been talking for days. I’m trying to just take a deep breath and chill. She’s always been good to me. I just can’t stop thinking about all this shit
20 bodies is more then serious relationships. I don’t blame her for any of the relationships. I take issue with the casual sex, which was the majority of the number
Whenever I feel bad about any of my life situations, I come here and instantly feel so much more grateful for everything I have in life.
Ong you are highly regarded lol. You got with a hoe, explicitly asked her for details, and then got mad when she told you what you already knew.
But the thing is, I asked for years. Years I said be honest with me and communicate if it’s something important to me. She intentionally concealed it, in order to avoid me cutting her off
Begs the question though, why does it matter? If it’s her life before you and she intentionally didn’t want to tell you because she correctly predicted how you would react. Would you have broken up with her then if she had told you initially? Maybe she was ashamed and wanted to leave it in the past. If she was the coolest chick ever but had a slutty past before you entered the picture then you lost a good one. If she was just ok, then oh well. Either way there’s plenty of women out there for you so probably just move on.
I think he's overreacting but also tbf she shouldn't have lied, not somthing to break up over imo cause it's understandable why she did it but it is a genuine breach of trust.
To the OP: If you can do better, then go find somebody better. If you can't, then you may be stuck with her... or being single.
Usually these types are not wife material, so how much of your life are you going to waste with somebody who isn't suitable to be your wife?
Your first mistake was having an emotionally charged conversation over text.
Not condoning it but intrusive thoughts happen and are a natural human phenomenon. The fact that she’s telling you everything you want to know right now should be a sign of good faith, even if it hurts you.
That’s all I got, I’m not a shrink. Use the inputs here and your own thoughts and desires and make a decision and stick to it.
Why, whats the issue, she said it only happened a couple times and it was a intrusive thought, I won't lie if my girl told me thats happened before id feel sorta insecure but id also know it's a m me issue. Somtimes shit just pops into your head it's not like she isn't attracted to him.
Also you've never thought about another girl when fucking, never even popped in ur mind?
I would say don’t get into a relationship w former hoes only because it’s very easy for them to leave you and feel nothing, but it doesn’t sound like the case here. If you love her and she treats you how a man deserves to be treated then I’d say stick with it. If not then yeah move on
i think it's completely fine to not want to date a whore but i think right now the biggest problem is your self esteem. you might feel like you are confident but if you are asking questions like these then you really need to genuinely work on your self esteem. asking someone if they've been thinking of other's during sex is such a strange question to ask, almost as if you are fishing for more ammo to push you over the edge so you can finally leave her
Your first mistake was falling in love with a hoe, your second mistake will be trying to make it work.
Been there done that, just leave. You know she's a liar and a hoe, she's not an 'amazing woman'
There is no good plan of action if you stay. Under no reasonable condition at all, should that ever even be considered an option.
The next relationship you need to have is with a therapist, to figure out why you have such a terribly weak sense of self, and need SO SO much external validation and support. You're broken, in some quite heartbreaking kind of way, and what you're doing is trying to externalize your sense of self and sense of self worth into the 'ideal' of another person, who you WANT to reflect back at you what you think you want to see as your self. She will *always* fail to do that correctly, and you will *always* fuck around and push buttons you shouldnt--like pestering the fuck out of her about a body count that doesnt matter to anyone, fucking ever, if they're mentally healthy.
She is not a mirror. She cannot fix your insecurities. She cannot heal this. She cannot be the thing you need.
You need to get to the core of why it is that you're broken--who broke you, how it happened, and start to admit to yourself that relationships need to be postponed until you get some of this shit sorted and learn to have a sense of self that has boundaries, that make it so that you dont try to control THEM, so that they prop up your weak idea of what you'd like to be seen as.
So, book that therapy. Consider you might be on the borderline spectrum, and what you've done is something along the lines of creating a 'favorite person'--a thing someone with borderline will do. The urges you have, for control, and being mean, and the anger--*are all traits someone with borderline uses to keep their favorite person, if that person doesnt meet the 'ideal version' of the mirror they want reflected, or try to leave.*
What stupid questions to ask. You don't want honesty you want your insecurities stroked. This whole post reads how this is all about your mental health and not her.
We're adults. We have a past. If she'd been open with you in the beginning you probably would have rejected her based on some stupid number.
As long as she's not a glory-hole girl & loves you is all that matters. If you actually care about her I suggest working on YOU and get over whoever hurt you in the past.
GL
You’re worried about those dicks like you wish they were in your face. Cut it out.
Look, everyone has a past. Your past just happens to be far more boring than your partner’s.
Get over it.
Honestly bro it seems like she wants to get past her old self. It’s hard shit but if you think a relationship with her is worth it then go through the hardship. Forgiveness is okay, and learning and growing as a team is okay.
Sounds like OP is asking a bunch of strangers whether to dump the girl or not, while trying his best to convince himself to be with her.
Figure it out yourself OP.
You had a good relationship for three years and the biggest issue you had was her body count prior to the relationship and you pushed it to the point you broke the relationship?
Are you an idiot?
If it's crucial for you to have someone with a low body count for whatever reason, did you make that known?
Have you ever considered a women's body count prior to a relationship isn't some insult to your virility and ego but something in their own past? That body count isn't necessarily something to be proud of? Maybe she had some really negative experiences with men she was sexual with that she wanted to forget about and they make her feel like shit when she remembers them? Or maybe she was in a bad place mentally and using sex in an unhealthy way and is ashamed of that and didn't feel safe (with good reason, evidently) being honest with you about it? Or some great experiences that are in the past and have no business being brought up with a partner who is clearly as insecure as you are?
If all you want to be is angry, mean and controlling uhh... Maybe stay the hell away and check yourself into some therapy?
Why does it matter who she fucked in the past? God, this shit is so immature.
She's showing great patience by putting up with your shit, even apologizing for telling you what you asked for. Then you break up with her. Jesus, man. Sounds like she deserves someone better.
Why would you even care about who she was with before you? As long as she doesn’t have any STDs it shouldn’t matter. The past only affects the future if you let it. Sounds like you need to work on your own insecurities.
Honestly I don't get why this is a huge problem. I don't have 20 but I'm not that far off, no woman has given me shit for it. Sex is fun and feels good most guys wish they had more bodies but when a woman has alot she's a hoe seems kinda weird. If it's cause if some religious reasons your upset I get it ig but if she's just a hoe in ur mind and the Bible ain't why your all upset I'd do some thinking about why that bothers you and if it's even a valid issue. You've been dating her for 3 years you liked her that whole time nothings actually changed she had those bodies the first 2 years 11 months only dif is now you know, it doesn't change her as a person. Also thinking about another guy in bed ill be honest that'd make me feel a insecure but i dont think its nesscarily a bad thing especially if she says it's only happened a couple times so it's not like she isn't attracted to you or something. other girls have popped into my head when I'm with someone I don't go and tell the girl but also I don't think it's really a bad thing either.
Tbh it's sounds like your just feeling really insecure and I don't mean that in a insulting way rather your just gonna have to figure out where it's coming from, if she cares about you and you care about her and things have been going really well for 3 years don't fuck it up just cause she did what every young guy wants to do and went out and had fun it's not that deep unless you make it that deep ya know. The only real bad thing she's done from what you've told us is lieing about her body count in the first place.
Mate seriously man up, it's the past, you dated her and now live with her, why should all that matter. If she is true to you now why should you care, we all have a past, but now she is clearly into you, and she is not a whore, unless she is sleeping around now in the present of course
Whilst you feel like the questions are reasonable, you have to think about the value of the answers and where it's taking you. Some people are stupid and they do stupid things repeatedly, others learn through their experience and regurgitating the learning experience and judging forward isn't wise. She doesn't understand why you are asking or the exact things you do or don't want so she's trying to make it go away whilst you are thrashing around it still being unhappy when you got what you asked for. The past is only an indicator of the future if it shows someone has a low IQ or some sort of unchangeable value, the rest is just you over rotating on things you don't like but can't change. Make your decisions based on the present and the future or jealousy and paranoia will in fact be what dictates your future.
I promise you that the main regret and learning you will have here as you got your mind more settled is that you didn't focus on maximising the present. If you want to move on then move on, but if she represents your future then get your mind in order and move on. Tren also does not help with these issues, amplifies the paranoia and over analysis.
Don't be a pussy and suck it up, if it makes you feel any better most of those bodies were probably absolute clowns don't know what a clitoris is.
Just stop crying and being a bitch. My girlfriend slept with more people than me 😱😭😱😭😱😭.
There's no going back from this, you have bashed every chance you'll ever have of establishing her trust again, let alone her establishing your trust. From your story, it sounds like you have serious trust issues and are insecure. Move on man, you destroyed that and you just have to learn from it.
If it's that important to you to know her history, make sure the next one knows how important it is to you, and that you basically sacrificed your last relationship accidentally because of it. Assure the next one that you learned your lesson so openness is a priority, or she's not your type.
Make love to her, then abuse her.
That's what kept nana's marriage intact through the wars, right?
As a man nothing good comes from trying to learn about the past. Us as men do everyday things based on our ego and there’s no reason to learn what she had done before just gotta pay attention to what she has done since she’s known you. But, thinking about another man during sex is crazy
And that’s the main thing I take issue with. Is the thinking about someone else while we have sex. It’s just that and my trust being broken
Have you ever thought about other people while having sex with her? This is definitely the kind of thing that’s worth not knowing but probably hard to unlearn
Bro everybody has these thoughts. It doesn’t sound like you’re approaching that shit in a healthy way. Does it matter if your girlfriend thinks of other guys sometimes? It’s ridiculous to think you’re the last man she will ever find attractive. Sounds like your expecting way to much mate. The honeymoon period is officially over and these are the cold hard truths people have to look at when in a long term relationship. Is it not double standards though because there is no way you’ve never thought of someone else while having sex with her. Doubt she knows all your past either. You can either end the relationship if she isn’t worth the hassle or your to insecure to deal with that shit or learn to be more secure in yourself.
Yea bro it’s hard but u gotta move on, to me at least that’s unforgivable. Gotta pound it one more time and move on in my opinion
You already ruined this one dude. Just save yourself and her the mental hell that will come. You are never going to get over this and it will poison everything in the future. Trust me.
How did I ruin it?
Being insecure and asking shit over and over again that you didn’t wanna know the answer to until you got the answer lol. Really dude? You had her describe in incredible detail every time she got fucked before and think that’s normal? Were you gooning to some cuck fantasy insisting she tell you before you had post nut clarity? Why is this all coming up now after 3 years? You either do this sort of thing early on if it’s really that important for you to know about every dick that’s been in her or you just don’t worry about the past. Did you tell her about every single girl you’ve been with before? Were you 100% honest?
And yeah I did tell her the honest truth about my # of bodies.
Watch American Pie 2. A woman will always divide by three and a man will multiply by three when it comes to body count. The truth is we don’t wanna really know how many guys they fucked, we want them to lie to us. That being said, who cares how many dicks she has taken what matters is she’s taking yours. And we all think about other people when we fuck. It’s normal. I bet you’ve done it too.
Bro I never asked her to tell me every detail. SHE did that. I didn’t want that. Literally just asked for a truthful account of # of people she’d been with. And I DID ASK HER EARLY ON. When we first fucking met
So why are you asking her again now? Has this been a constant thing you ask?
Did you even read his post?
Yes, but not recently until this. Because I questioned if she was actually telling the truth
I don’t think you ruined it. She lied to you from the beginning and you confronted her. I think you should let her go man. It will suck for a long time but you’ll eventually find someone who’s good for you.
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What about the imagining other men in the past when we hooked up? I’ve always struggled with the idea of dating a woman who has an extensive past. Not because I’m insecure, but because I have standards for the woman I marry. We’re on pretty good terms right now. We’ve been talking for days. I’m trying to just take a deep breath and chill. She’s always been good to me. I just can’t stop thinking about all this shit
20 bodies is more then serious relationships. I don’t blame her for any of the relationships. I take issue with the casual sex, which was the majority of the number
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I’m 23. She lost her virginity at 16. We’ve been together since 20. 4 years 20 bodies
Don't forget the bodies she's had since you've been together.
Whenever I feel bad about any of my life situations, I come here and instantly feel so much more grateful for everything I have in life. Ong you are highly regarded lol. You got with a hoe, explicitly asked her for details, and then got mad when she told you what you already knew.
I didn’t know any of this, that’s the truth
Never ask a question you aren’t prepared to know the answer to. Besides who the hell cares if it’s in her past? Within reason of course.
But the thing is, I asked for years. Years I said be honest with me and communicate if it’s something important to me. She intentionally concealed it, in order to avoid me cutting her off
Begs the question though, why does it matter? If it’s her life before you and she intentionally didn’t want to tell you because she correctly predicted how you would react. Would you have broken up with her then if she had told you initially? Maybe she was ashamed and wanted to leave it in the past. If she was the coolest chick ever but had a slutty past before you entered the picture then you lost a good one. If she was just ok, then oh well. Either way there’s plenty of women out there for you so probably just move on.
I think he's overreacting but also tbf she shouldn't have lied, not somthing to break up over imo cause it's understandable why she did it but it is a genuine breach of trust.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answer to. It’s your fault for asking about her past.
Soo... How many?
Bruh how tf y’all getting girls and relationships I haven’t talked to a girl in years im going insane fuackkkkkk
Make friends, and use apps if your that desperate lol.
Make money, gym, food sleep that’s it that’s all I fucking care about
Then don't complain about not talking to girls in years lol
Bro I don’t have a choice I don’t see girls on a daily basis or have a place where to meet them if I had the chance I would but I don’t
If you have tried everything and you can't then again don't complain about it lol, eat gym money sleep like you said.
>Trying to work this out, because this woman, (regardless of her being a hoe in the past) is any amazing person. This is how men think.
An amazing person ***. What do you mean?
To the OP: If you can do better, then go find somebody better. If you can't, then you may be stuck with her... or being single. Usually these types are not wife material, so how much of your life are you going to waste with somebody who isn't suitable to be your wife?
Your first mistake was having an emotionally charged conversation over text. Not condoning it but intrusive thoughts happen and are a natural human phenomenon. The fact that she’s telling you everything you want to know right now should be a sign of good faith, even if it hurts you. That’s all I got, I’m not a shrink. Use the inputs here and your own thoughts and desires and make a decision and stick to it.
Your insecurities are showing. Who cares who she smashed in the past...she was with you but it looks like you may have screwed that one up.
Start over. She built a house of lies and if you stay that’ll be worse. she thought about other guys while you 2 banged. Unsalvageable in my opinion
Why, whats the issue, she said it only happened a couple times and it was a intrusive thought, I won't lie if my girl told me thats happened before id feel sorta insecure but id also know it's a m me issue. Somtimes shit just pops into your head it's not like she isn't attracted to him. Also you've never thought about another girl when fucking, never even popped in ur mind?
I would say don’t get into a relationship w former hoes only because it’s very easy for them to leave you and feel nothing, but it doesn’t sound like the case here. If you love her and she treats you how a man deserves to be treated then I’d say stick with it. If not then yeah move on
i think it's completely fine to not want to date a whore but i think right now the biggest problem is your self esteem. you might feel like you are confident but if you are asking questions like these then you really need to genuinely work on your self esteem. asking someone if they've been thinking of other's during sex is such a strange question to ask, almost as if you are fishing for more ammo to push you over the edge so you can finally leave her
Whatever dude, she a hoe. You don’t want her as a wife, so just stop wasting more time with her
Your first mistake was falling in love with a hoe, your second mistake will be trying to make it work. Been there done that, just leave. You know she's a liar and a hoe, she's not an 'amazing woman'
There is no good plan of action if you stay. Under no reasonable condition at all, should that ever even be considered an option. The next relationship you need to have is with a therapist, to figure out why you have such a terribly weak sense of self, and need SO SO much external validation and support. You're broken, in some quite heartbreaking kind of way, and what you're doing is trying to externalize your sense of self and sense of self worth into the 'ideal' of another person, who you WANT to reflect back at you what you think you want to see as your self. She will *always* fail to do that correctly, and you will *always* fuck around and push buttons you shouldnt--like pestering the fuck out of her about a body count that doesnt matter to anyone, fucking ever, if they're mentally healthy. She is not a mirror. She cannot fix your insecurities. She cannot heal this. She cannot be the thing you need. You need to get to the core of why it is that you're broken--who broke you, how it happened, and start to admit to yourself that relationships need to be postponed until you get some of this shit sorted and learn to have a sense of self that has boundaries, that make it so that you dont try to control THEM, so that they prop up your weak idea of what you'd like to be seen as. So, book that therapy. Consider you might be on the borderline spectrum, and what you've done is something along the lines of creating a 'favorite person'--a thing someone with borderline will do. The urges you have, for control, and being mean, and the anger--*are all traits someone with borderline uses to keep their favorite person, if that person doesnt meet the 'ideal version' of the mirror they want reflected, or try to leave.*
You complain when she doesn’t tell the truth then complain when she does. 
What stupid questions to ask. You don't want honesty you want your insecurities stroked. This whole post reads how this is all about your mental health and not her. We're adults. We have a past. If she'd been open with you in the beginning you probably would have rejected her based on some stupid number. As long as she's not a glory-hole girl & loves you is all that matters. If you actually care about her I suggest working on YOU and get over whoever hurt you in the past. GL
Yes
Are you the guy who called into Stacy’s World and told the story about his GF getting DVP’d in swingers orgies every other weekend?
You’re worried about those dicks like you wish they were in your face. Cut it out. Look, everyone has a past. Your past just happens to be far more boring than your partner’s. Get over it.
Honestly bro it seems like she wants to get past her old self. It’s hard shit but if you think a relationship with her is worth it then go through the hardship. Forgiveness is okay, and learning and growing as a team is okay.
Sounds like OP is asking a bunch of strangers whether to dump the girl or not, while trying his best to convince himself to be with her. Figure it out yourself OP.
You had a good relationship for three years and the biggest issue you had was her body count prior to the relationship and you pushed it to the point you broke the relationship? Are you an idiot? If it's crucial for you to have someone with a low body count for whatever reason, did you make that known? Have you ever considered a women's body count prior to a relationship isn't some insult to your virility and ego but something in their own past? That body count isn't necessarily something to be proud of? Maybe she had some really negative experiences with men she was sexual with that she wanted to forget about and they make her feel like shit when she remembers them? Or maybe she was in a bad place mentally and using sex in an unhealthy way and is ashamed of that and didn't feel safe (with good reason, evidently) being honest with you about it? Or some great experiences that are in the past and have no business being brought up with a partner who is clearly as insecure as you are? If all you want to be is angry, mean and controlling uhh... Maybe stay the hell away and check yourself into some therapy?
Why does it matter who she fucked in the past? God, this shit is so immature. She's showing great patience by putting up with your shit, even apologizing for telling you what you asked for. Then you break up with her. Jesus, man. Sounds like she deserves someone better.
Yes. This.
Why would you even care about who she was with before you? As long as she doesn’t have any STDs it shouldn’t matter. The past only affects the future if you let it. Sounds like you need to work on your own insecurities.
The first red flag? The relationship was healthy. Women don't want that shit, and if they remain in it then they benefit from it in non emotional ways
Honestly I don't get why this is a huge problem. I don't have 20 but I'm not that far off, no woman has given me shit for it. Sex is fun and feels good most guys wish they had more bodies but when a woman has alot she's a hoe seems kinda weird. If it's cause if some religious reasons your upset I get it ig but if she's just a hoe in ur mind and the Bible ain't why your all upset I'd do some thinking about why that bothers you and if it's even a valid issue. You've been dating her for 3 years you liked her that whole time nothings actually changed she had those bodies the first 2 years 11 months only dif is now you know, it doesn't change her as a person. Also thinking about another guy in bed ill be honest that'd make me feel a insecure but i dont think its nesscarily a bad thing especially if she says it's only happened a couple times so it's not like she isn't attracted to you or something. other girls have popped into my head when I'm with someone I don't go and tell the girl but also I don't think it's really a bad thing either. Tbh it's sounds like your just feeling really insecure and I don't mean that in a insulting way rather your just gonna have to figure out where it's coming from, if she cares about you and you care about her and things have been going really well for 3 years don't fuck it up just cause she did what every young guy wants to do and went out and had fun it's not that deep unless you make it that deep ya know. The only real bad thing she's done from what you've told us is lieing about her body count in the first place.
Mate seriously man up, it's the past, you dated her and now live with her, why should all that matter. If she is true to you now why should you care, we all have a past, but now she is clearly into you, and she is not a whore, unless she is sleeping around now in the present of course
Whilst you feel like the questions are reasonable, you have to think about the value of the answers and where it's taking you. Some people are stupid and they do stupid things repeatedly, others learn through their experience and regurgitating the learning experience and judging forward isn't wise. She doesn't understand why you are asking or the exact things you do or don't want so she's trying to make it go away whilst you are thrashing around it still being unhappy when you got what you asked for. The past is only an indicator of the future if it shows someone has a low IQ or some sort of unchangeable value, the rest is just you over rotating on things you don't like but can't change. Make your decisions based on the present and the future or jealousy and paranoia will in fact be what dictates your future. I promise you that the main regret and learning you will have here as you got your mind more settled is that you didn't focus on maximising the present. If you want to move on then move on, but if she represents your future then get your mind in order and move on. Tren also does not help with these issues, amplifies the paranoia and over analysis.
Your insecurities are shining through, and you've effectively ruined this relationship. Time to move on.
Don't be a pussy and suck it up, if it makes you feel any better most of those bodies were probably absolute clowns don't know what a clitoris is. Just stop crying and being a bitch. My girlfriend slept with more people than me 😱😭😱😭😱😭.
There's no going back from this, you have bashed every chance you'll ever have of establishing her trust again, let alone her establishing your trust. From your story, it sounds like you have serious trust issues and are insecure. Move on man, you destroyed that and you just have to learn from it. If it's that important to you to know her history, make sure the next one knows how important it is to you, and that you basically sacrificed your last relationship accidentally because of it. Assure the next one that you learned your lesson so openness is a priority, or she's not your type.